Question:
Y do I fear being that 1% who will die from the surgery ?
I am 24 yrs old. and recently engaged. I'm 265lbs and my doctor finally submitted a letter to my insurance this past monday for approval. The next morning I awoke literally scared to DEATH.. The fear that I will be that percentage who dies from this surgery is overwhelming. My Fiance is against the surgery and I sometimes feel as if it wouldn't be fair to him if I risk my life after promising to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm not yet dying of anything weight related.. I have asthma and a polycistic ovARY which would improve if I lost weight.. But my fiance thinks that I haven'tt stuck to a diet long enuff to say that it doesn't work... Well I've been battling my weight since I was a little girl but I'm so confused and frustrated....1 minute I feel that I should go for it and the next the fear of death takes over me and says "u shouldn't do this".. Has anyone else gone thru this.. Please let me know what u think. — Maria A. (posted on March 16, 2002)
March 15, 2002
I think probably everyone goes through this fear that you have, I did ! I
was scared to death right up until the time they put me to sleep, as a
matter of fact the first time I went for surgery I had a anxiety attack and
left the hospital in a whirl of fear. So yes it is normal. You need to
research , read, talk to others , attend support groups. Be well informed
about all aspects of this surgery. No one can make the choice for you. It
comes right down to you in the end. I had lapro ryn in Dec 2001 and have
had no problems at all, and I was sure I would never wake up from the
operating table. Good luck to you ,I wish you the very best. By the way I
have lost 51 pounds so far !!
— janicediana
March 16, 2002
Hi,
I will be having the WLS on 05/01/02 and everyday that comes into my mind
about not waking up after the surgery, but I have to put all faith in my
GOD who will take care of me. If it is your time to die. you can die in
your sleep, car, mall, etc. So just have faith and through faith you can
survive anything.
— Doretha O.
March 16, 2002
You're not alone. I know how if feels to be young and unsure. I'm 19 and
waiting for a surgery date. I don't know if you believe in God or not but I
do and HE is what makes me sure about surgery. I've prayed about it and the
rest is in God's hands. I believe that everyones days are already numbered.
So when God is ready to take you home, he won't need a surgery to do it.
Thousands of people die in car crashes every year. Does that stop you from
driving? I know it is scary. Hang in there and really talk to your finace
about it. Maybe you both could try a diet together for say a month and see
how you do. That way you will show him that you do care about what he
thinks before you continue with surgery. Some of my friends are against it
too. But I know what I've tried and I know what doesn't work. Good luck and
Congrats on your engagment.
— Sarah K.
March 16, 2002
I was sure that I was going to die!!! But here I am. You make your
descision and the rest is in God's hands.
Good Luck
— Robert L.
March 16, 2002
IT IS VERY NORMAL TO BE AFRAID! So don't beat yourself for it. I've had 14
surgeries (only one WLS lol) and I've been afraid for everyone. Not afraid
of dying, but of the pain to come. I weighed alot more than you, so your
chances of 'not dying' are better than mine was and I came through fine. So
keep your chin up. ;)
— Danmark
March 16, 2002
Hi Maria =) Well, I see you have received a few responses to your
question. Evidently, you and I are not the only two that feel this way! To
be truthful, I am very afraid, especially since I have ran into problems
with my pre op testing, and am still not sure of what the full problem is.
But, I look at it this way...If this is/was meant to be, then it will
happen. My first instinct is to RUN. I am a runner when it comes to my
weight issues. I am always trying to convince myself that maybe if I
"really, really tried," I could "do it this time." But,
in all honesty, I don't think I could try any harder than I have already
tried. I lost over 200 pounds in the 90's. I have lost 80 to 100 pounds
NUMEROUS times. I had to try HARD to do that. I know this...I can't keep
going this way. I am miserable and feel like crap all the time. I can't fit
into seats, can't walk for long periods, my feet and legs kill me all the
time, I avoid my sons' basketball games for fear of the way I look, I
despise the abuse my kids take over my weight, and I am viritually missing
out on them growing up. I have missed out on so much already!! If I run,
who am I kidding but myself? I NEED help. This surgery may just be the tool
that helps me control my eating habits. My greatest fear is dying of
malabsorption issues four or five years down the line. But, at my current
weight, (400 lb) I may not make it that long anyway. There are SOOO many
"what ifs." I go back and forth in my mind all day, every day. I
just hope when the time comes, I make the right choice. I started this
journey a couple of years ago, only to change my mind before I ever saw a
surgeon. Now, here I am, even bigger, and nothing has changed. I could have
been living my life fully by now! This is all of the emotional issues I
deal with. But NOTHING would feel as good as being healthy. Of that, I am
sure. Good luck to you!
— ScatCat
March 16, 2002
WE all fear!!! i feared I'd leave my 2 boys motherless!
But all in all you have a greater chance of dying of being morbidly obese
than "death on the table" you may not have any of the illnesses,
but they will come. I think since you're young it's an advantage to your
recovery! I am 40
and I was in the hospital 2 days and Christmas shopping on the 5th day out.
So far I am sooooo happy and thrilled w/ the weight loss! And I'm An OLD
LADY!!!! you can do this.
Good Luck!
— Cindee A.
March 16, 2002
Thank you for posting this question. I too am having the same feelings. I
started researching WLS in December 2001. By February 2002 I had approval
for surgery. My surgery is May 9, 2002. Throughout the day I go through
this mental cycle of excitement, fear, anxiousness, etc. I don't have any
health conditions that are life threatning so the thought of having
"elective" surgery scares me. I've been having terrible dreams
and thoughts that I will die or even cause major problems for myself 5, 10,
20 years down the road by having the surgery. I've been praying to God and
that's the only thing that gets me through.
— juliehedges
March 16, 2002
It is so normal to be afraid of the unknown. I, too, was scared of the 1%
of folks that died from surgery. I had to research as much as I could about
the procedure. The co-morbidities or other illnesses that you may have play
alot into the prognosis. Talk with your doctor.Make sure that you are as
healthy as you can be before the surgery. Another thing to remember is that
1% people also die in childbirth, too.
I am 1 week post op and so far no regrets! Keep up the Faith!
— Sally F.
March 16, 2002
Another way to think of it. You wouldn't refuse to have your appendix
removed if you needed to have it out, would you? No. Why? Because if you
leave it in, it will burst and probably kill you. You would take the risk
to save your life. I am willing to take the risk of this surgery to save
my life. Am I scared? Some. But there's no doubt in my mind that I will
have the surgery as long as the surgeon is willing to operate and my
insurance is willing to pay.
— garw
March 16, 2002
Why not believe you will be in the 99% group that won't die? We all have
had this fear and it is horrendous to read about those who did not make it,
especially when you are pre-op. But there are so many more of us who did
survive and are doing really well. Your MO will kill you, maybe not this
year or this decade, but you will not live a long, healthy life if you
continue to be MO. If WLS is your best chance at having that lean, healthy
life you yearn for then you will over come your fears and have the surgery.
It is your choice and your life.
— Susan M.
March 16, 2002
I think EVERYONE gets scared of dying from this surgery. I know I had
times of great fear and anxiety. I kept focussed on how my personal
probability of death was very low (Lap RNY, relatively "low" BMI,
no significant co=morbidities). It helped a lot. I also focussed on how
my life was going to improve for myself, my hubby and for my children.
HOWEVER, if your fiancee is strongly against WLS, you need to talk it out
with him to make sure he's not going to fight you on it. The first few
weeks and the post-op adjustment are tough enough, without his giving you a
hard time. Does he prefer you heavy? Does he really not understand morbid
obesity as a disease? Or is he, too, just scared? You need to know these
answers before you make your decision.
— Kathy J.
March 16, 2002
Well that 1% is for ALL patients combined. This may make it look worse than
it is for you. It includes the super morbids, the older patients, the long
term diabetics and other risk groups. Hopefully being young most of these
dont affect YOU! <P> Its normal to fear surgery and like everything
has its risks. I was CERTAIN I woul never wake up! But that was 125 pounds
ago and I feel SUPER GREAT! <P>
You can minimize your risk by getting lots of exercise pre op, loosing
whatever weight you can before surgery, following your docs orders and
getting up and walking a LOT immediately post op since the biggest danger
is blood clots, they are preventable by walking. Read my profile, it covers
a LOT of this.
— bob-haller
March 17, 2002
Maria.... the way I look at it is , (and beleive me I have the same fear as
you from time to time) if you were experienceing chest pains or abdominal
pains ect wouldn't you be terrified of dieing ? I know you say you are not
expereinceing any things at the moment but if you are MO then your health
could decline at any given moment. To do this while you are so young in my
opinion is saving your body from going through some things that could
actually take your life before you realise a problem. But this decision is
totally up to you. If you want to do it .. do it for you no one else. Your
fiance is probably just as scared as you but just like my hubby has decided
to support me on my decision, and if you put it in God's hands and leave
your fear with him he will take care of you. When you first go on your
first roller coaster ride or haunted house you are terrified ... but when
you face your fears and believe in what you are doing to be best for you
and your future then you will have won the battle..Just like men in war
they are scared and don't know what the outcome will be but they face their
fear and go on if that makes any sense to you . Good luck in your
decision and we will support you in whatever your decision is remember God
loves you and so do we.......
— Debbie H.
April 9, 2002
I just saw your question and I have to say that your fience should be
ashamed of himself. How should he know if you have dieted enough? Your
doctor obviously thought you need WLS or he would not have recomended it.
just thought I should put my 2 cents in also there are alot of people that
have WLS I mean alot the total number actually is less than 200 out of
20,000 people and the people that die are probably already really sick.
— Ashley L.
April 9, 2002
You have every right to be afraid...this is a major surgery. What you need
to keep in mind is the word "yet". You said you're not dying of
anything weight related "yet". Do you honestly want to wait until
you are dying of something weight related before taking your life back from
obesity?? Look into your heart, hon. Don't let anyone make this decision
for you...not even the love of your life.
— Bambi S.
April 11, 2002
I am 22, 250 pounds with a BMI of 45. I have been very excited about the
surgery, but scared to death as well. I think i am still young, I have
chances to lose weight other ways, I don't want to die b/c i am so young.
And i look at myself sometimes and say, i am fat, but Morbildy Obese?
enough to have surgery? but like all the previous posters said, we are
young, and our BMI is not THAT high, compared to some others. If you ever
want to talk, e-mail me ([email protected]) I get scared because it is
elective surgery, we are choosing this for the hopes of a better life. But
i think in the end i am kidding myself when i say that i can lose weight
other ways, I have tried that for 6 years now. I think the memorial page
on here has scared me alot, but I just got a surgery date, and am very
excited, my surgeon said I am a great candidate for ths surgery because I
am young, so that helped relieve alot of my fears!
— Lezlie Y.
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