Question:
Are there any couples out there who've gone through this together?

My fiance and I both received referrals to the same surgeon within a few weeks of each other. We've been really good about looking ahead to see how this might affect our relationship (we think it will only make it better), but I'm interested in finding out about the experiences of other couples who've both had surgery. Also, I was wondering how much caretaking we'll need to do, and whether we should space our surgeries apart by at least a few weeks. Thanks for sharing! Claire    — Claire C. (posted on January 18, 2002)

January 17, 2002
I have a friend she and her husband both had the surgery and spread them apart by 3 or 4 weeks. He went first and they are glad they spread out you are going to need someone to help you for at least the first week or two especially if you have the open rny. And as for their relationship it is only getting better. Something about taking the journey together that has made them closer. Good Luck and hope this helps.
   — [Anonymous]

January 18, 2002
Me and my wife have both gone thru this together. We are seperated by many months and I believe strongly it would of been better if it had been just 30 to 45 days. We would of then both been experiencing the same things roughly at the same time. I believe this will long term make us a stronger couple. But honestly being a new post op is a stressful time. Things work out though. I had a easier adjustment process and this has bummed out Jen. She is doing MUCH better now but still misses her buddy food. She talks of this SO much I had a dream I was eating no INHALING tons of food at a Dairy Queen. They say WLS makes good marriages better, and splits the bad ones. I believe this is sad but true......
   — bob-haller

January 18, 2002
My husband and I had Lap RNY on December 11, 01. I went in first and a couple hours later, he went in. The surgeon was awesome. We were the first couple together at UAB. We became quite famous throughout the hospital. It has made after care so much easier. We know exactly how the other feels. I highly recommend same day! We felt great two days after surgery so we needed no special care.
   — Martha C.

January 18, 2002
My husband and I had open RNY exactly 6 weeks apart in 2000. We had to do it that way because we have a daycare and had to have one of able to resume lifting the children before the other could be layed up. He went first and I followed him 6 weeks to the day. It was very helpful with him having just gone through all the different eating stages because I was the one who prepared his food so I knew exactly what I could have and when. I also knew what things gave him trouble so I avoided them and then proceeded with caution. Eating too fast, drinking too quick, and not chewing enough were the big things. Just be careful and do what they tell you to do. Having gone through this experience together has helped our relationship that was already good. SOmetimes it is hard for others to understand what you are going through when they haven't had the surgery. And when you both have the surgery, there isn't the issues of the other one not understanding about how you eat. You are in the boat together so to speak.
   — livnliter

January 18, 2002
We have kind of a unique story. My husband, son and I all have been morbidly obese for quite some time. I had been morbidly obese the longest, had the highest BMI and was experiencing a lot of health problems. My health problems led me to search for something (anything) that would help me get the weight off, as I strongly felt that I would not live much longer if I did not. I was not looking for weight loss surgery, in fact .... at one time I was opposed to it. However, when I started researching, I found that WLS offered me the best chance at achieving significant weight loss, keeping it off over the long haul, and improving my health. I made my decision and had open RNY 11/17/00. The improvements to my health began almost immediately and were truly amazing. I desperately wanted to "help" my husband and son, but I felt that the decision to have WLS (or NOT to have WLS) is an intensely personal one, and I resisted the temptation to pressure them. After watching and supporting my successful efforts for several months, my husband and son decided WLS was the right thing for them also. DH had open RNY on 9/21/01 and son followed with open RNY on 10/17/01. We are all doing well. In some ways, it made it easier for us that we went through some of this together. We sort of have our very own, built in, family suport group. Since I was several months ahead of the guys, I paved the way. They were able to benefit from some of my experiences and avoid some of the pitfalls that I experienced. Since the guys were closer together, they were "surgery buddies" and went through their pre-op appointments together. Early post op, son helped dad ... then by the time son had surgery, dad was well enough to help him. In some ways WLS has improved the relationship between my husband and I and in other ways it has presented us with the unexpected challenges. WLS is something we now have in common ... something we share as a couple. We have both had some insecurity issues as we watch our partners change and start to get more positive attention from the opposite sex. There are an enormous amount of physical, mental and emotional changes that we all go through post op that affect us each individually and affect the dynamics of our relationships. With three of us going through these changes, at different times, in a time period of about 15 months, our family life has been interesting ... to say the least. In some ways it makes it easier ... 3 of us have the same eating habits, similar water, exercise, and supplement requirements. We are there to encourage (nag?) each other and have a unique understanding of "post op challenges" such as learning to eat again, giving up soda (hard for the guys), eating slowly, chewing thoroughly, not drinking with meals, etc. Most of the time we don't keep sweets, junk foods, soda, etc. around, so it minimizes temptations. One thing that I didn't anticipate is that my youngest son, who is slightly overweight, but not MO, feels left out sometimes. He is the only one in a family of 4 who has not had WLS. I pray that he never needs it. But whether he does or not, his life has been impacted in the last year as well. He has been pulled along with us in our journeys ... poor kid! Before the guys had their surgeries, he complained that we would never have anything "good" to eat again (he is the family "junk food junkie"). On the plus side though, he has voluntarily made improvements to his eating (gave up sodas) and exercise habits (resumed martial arts training). Overall, as a family, we now have a much healthier lifestyle.
   — Lynn T.

January 20, 2002
Don & I are a year apart with ours. He had a rougher go in the beginning than I did. Oddly, because I am woman and he is man, he lost so fast that we were both finishing at about the same time!
   — vitalady

March 16, 2002
My husband and I both had LAP RNY on 1/2/02. We joke all the time that if he had gone first or if I had gone first, the one who had to go second would have never had it done! LOL. This was the very best things we've ever done for ourselves and having him support me and me supporting him has been just incredible (food issues, weight loss, etc.) Email me if you have any questions!!
   — Heather K.

May 23, 2002
My husband and I both had the surgery on 3/12/02. We are both doing great. I have lost 50lbs and he has lost 60lbs. We did not have too many problems once we left the hospital. Our doctor encouraged us to do things for ourselves anyway instead of having someone bring things to us. We had family on standby just in case we needed help at home, but we managed on our own. We are now 9 weeks post-op and feeling great. Don't get me wrong, its not easy, you and your husband both have to be people who can tough it out. You are going to have pain and getting up and down can be quite hard but the sense of achievement afterwards if very satifying. At least it was for us. I wish you all the luck in the world on your decision to have it together or separate.
   — Tracy D.

September 20, 2004
My husband and I are both open RNY. I had mine 9/3/03 & his was 5/13/04. I have lost 123 lbs. He has lost 72 lbs. I had a rough time at first. He went through with flying colors. This experience has only made our marriage better in so many ways. We are equals - partners now whereas before I felt more like his caretaker. A close friend of mine also had open RNY w/ the same doc - Reinhold in New Haven. Our local newspaper did a story about us as well. To view, go to www.thewesterlysun.com and for search type in "Tammi Stanley" or "Scott Stanley".
   — justis24

December 22, 2004
My wife and I are both had open RNY. She had her surgery June 6, 2004 with initially some problems with pain and a little slow recovering. We believe this is attributed to her not excercising at all before the surgery. Aside from learning to eat slow, chew well and select foods that are not high in sugar she has done just great with her experience. She has lost 80lbs now in 6 months. I began excercising religiously right after her surgery and was able to lose 40lbs on my own, but having a BMI of 42 I felt that I still wanted long term benefits of getting all the weight off and staying healthy forever. I had my surgery on 10-05-04 and it went wonderfully with very little pain and a remarkably quick recovery. I was walking 3 miles in 10 days after my surgery in 45 minutes. My physician said this was all attributed to excercise pre-op. I have already lost another 45lbs and feel great. We both excercise regularily and have had such positive results with our surgery that we don't regret it in any way. All the positive remarks from family and friends and the major changes in our health have been wonderful.
   — [Deactivated Member]

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