Question:
More self concsious than ever...normal?
I am a pre-op who has never suffered from depression before (at least more than a few bad moods here and there). Since starting this process, I've become SO self-concsious, I hardly want to go out of the house (which is VERY strange for me, I usually can't stay put). I have never really FELT fat, or felt like people will judge me because of my size...but lately I feel like all people will see is a fat girl, nothing beyond that. I even feel like my family and friends will judge me, when they have been nothing but supportive. Are these feelings normal? Will they lessen after surgery? — Angela B. (posted on December 27, 2001)
December 27, 2001
Angela- I know exactly how you feel! I am post-op now, but when I startede
researching this surgery my self esteem just went down the toilet. I didn't
want to hang out with my friends, go to class, shop... anything, I was just
so ashamed of myself. Before I found this and other sites, I was
embarassed, but not to the point of shutting myself inside. I think reading
all the success stories, and what not just make you feel like more of a
failure or something. Either way, towards the end I just had to tell myself
that it didn't matter what people think, because my state was just
temporary, soon I would fly out of this cocoon like the butterfly I wished
they could all see. So far these feelings have not been an issue since
surgery. Don't get me wrong, I still feel fat, and still am fat, but
everyday I notice my clothes getting looser, my face getting thinner, my
rings falling off, and it adds that little bit of confidence needed to get
on with the day. I know it's hard now Angela, but just keep telling
yourself that it's temporary, and it may help. If you ever need to talk,
please feel free to email me! Love, Deborah
— Deborah W.
December 27, 2001
Maybe this is not the case for you, but I think for me, as I began
seriously considering this surgery, I had to admit to myself that I was
really, truly a FAT person. Now, I did KNOW that before, but I tried not to
think about it much or dwell on it. I don't think I was willing to admit to
myself just how big and out of control I had become. But in preparing for
the surgery, I had to face some harsh facts like how unhealthy I was and
how dangerous and life-threatening my situation had become. I do not know
that I really became depressed at that time, but it was a time of real self
searching and honest evaluation. I really wanted to be sure this was the
right thing and that I really needed it-that nothing else was likely to
work and if I had the strength and determination and courage to change my
life and stick to this as a new way to live. Fortunately, I made the right
decision and I am very, very happy with my results.
— Kathy W.
December 27, 2001
Hi, I am pre-op and I feel the same. Even when I look in the mirror i swear
I am bigger (but I weigh the same). I have always been self conscience but
now it is getting worse. I think maybe because I am saying out loud that I
need help with this that I am more aware of my body. I hope it gets better
for you and me when we get to the post-op side. Good Luck
— M. S.
December 27, 2001
I am pre-op and finding the same exact thing! It's so nice to hear
people's success stories, but the more I wait for my appointment, the more
I feel like until I actually have the surgery, I don't want to even leave
the house or let people see me. I won't even eat in front of anyone but my
husband. I knew I was fat before, but now it is at a deeper level. I wish
you all the success with your surgery and I think we will BOTH have much
better self esteem post op!!
— [Anonymous]
December 27, 2001
I totally agree with Kathy. I also really needed to evaluate my situation
realistically. Before that, I'd hide all the mirrors and blame the washing
machines for shrinking my clothes. I guess we have to hit rock bottom,
just like an alcoholic or drug addict in order to work our way out. Thanks
Kathy for writing what I didn't have the ability to write.
— Jeannet
December 27, 2001
angela i always felt that way & it was worse once i started my journey
for some reason. but then all of a sudden it hit me!!! i am doing something
to help myself! i am taking control of my life instead of letting my life
control me!! i am proud of me!!! & the feelings went away for the most
part except of course those times when i eat in public & just know
everyone is staring at me. i hope in time, this feeling too, will abate.
good luck hun
— sheryl titone
December 27, 2001
Oh Honey! Those feelings are soooo normal. I remember them well. I have
always lived a full and rewarding life. I told others so often that my
weight didn't bother me that I had begun to believe my own lies! But when I
made the decision to have this surgery, I had to come to terms with it. I
had to look myself and the scale honestly face to face and admit that I am
not just curvy, or plump or fluffy, I was Morbidly Obese. I also had to
admit that I was a failure at controlling this area of my life. That my
relationship with food was so unhealthy that I had allowed myself to reach
this crisis. Eventually, I realized that by choosing to have this surgery
and to fighting the fights that came with it, I was finally saying, I AM
WORTH IT! My health, my life and my enjoyment of the little things is life
is worth putting first. I have always been the caretaker, making sure
everyone around me is okay. It was finally time for me to put me first and
with that revelation came a renewed sense of my value and worth, not as a
soon to be thinner person...but just because I AM. Congrats to you for
choosing to take care of you. Many challenges are ahead of you, but we'll
be there for them all. Many rewards are ahead too.....don't be afraid to
anticipate them and to enjoy the heck out of them while they occur. (post
op 7 months, down 104 pounds from a 26 to a 14!) You can do this!
— Sharon L.
December 27, 2001
I AM ALSO PRE-OP (SURGERY 1/28/2002) AND I NOTICED THESE SAME FEELINGS!!! I
HAVE BEEN TRATED FOR DEPRESSION, BUT RECENTLY IT HAS GOTTEN WORSE. JUST
WALKING THROUGH THE MALL, I FELT LIKE EVERYBODY WAS STARING AT MY HUGE BODY
AND I HAVE BEEN FEELING SOM EMBARRASSED AND ASHAMED. I ALSO KEEP THINKING
THAT I AM SUCH A FAILURE ( AT ALL THOSE OTHER DIETS) AND THAT I AM GOING TO
BE A FAILURE AT THE SURGERY- THAT IT IS NOT GOING TO WORK FOR ME. HOW CAN I
SUDDENLY GIVE UP MY BEST FRIEND-FOOD???
ANNA
— ANNA D.
December 27, 2001
Sweetie, trust me, you're not alone in this. I am post op now, but the
months before my surgery I was miserable. I wanted to hide in my house .
Why? For me, I think it was because I had finally admitted to myself(thus
to others) that I wasn't just overweight, but morbidly obese.(Ugh, hate
those words) The only way I made it was thinking about the possibilities of
my life as a post op. I actually got aggravated by anything that
interrupted my daydreaming(like work, life, etc LOL ) Hang in there, it
will get better!!
Donna in AL
— Donna S. C.
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