Question:
The vast majority of our members are women. Why so few men?
I don't see much evidence that obese women outnumber obese men, and yet women seem to be in the majority here. Is it that we men don't give a damn about our health and appearance? The advertisements for weight loss products are mostly aimed at women,too. At the support group at our hospital there are a few guys, but we were a tiny (Unintended joke.Sorry.)minority.Any theories? — Chuck O. (posted on September 20, 2001)
September 20, 2001
I think men are generally more accepted in society when they are carrying
extra weight. I also think that because of that, men are less apt to have
a low self esteem regarding their body image because they feel accepted.
As a result, the vast majority of men who chose to have WLS do so for
health reasons and also are usually in the super MO range. As for the
women, most have experienced weight discrimination in every aspect of their
lives for such long periods of time. They may have a good esteem but still
end up having a terrible sense of self body image. Add to this the health
related concerns. However, and this is not to be taken as trite, the vast
majority of women who have had WLS are elated at the change in clothing
sizes, the amount of energy and activities they are able to do, and how
society perceives them. I'm sure some will disagree but I'll stand by my
theory. I had WLS basically because I was tired of the self image I have
associated with being overweight since age 9 (which has been exacerbated by
friends, family and society in general). I can hide behind the fact that
diabetes and hypertension run in my family and that I was a sitting duck
for these diseases. But for me personally, I am thrilled at the
opportunity not to be judged because of my weight. (Now, I'm black, so I
can just look forward to the stereotypes that come along with that -- ha
ha). What's your theory?
— Kimberly L.
September 20, 2001
I think there was a similar question some time ago, so if you're really
curious, check out the database. I have two responses. Most weight loss
products are targeted at women who need or want to lose 10-15% of their
weight. Those are not the same people that need WLS. WLS is always based
on health at least in part. I attribute fewer men to the reason you
alluded to. Men are much worse about going to doctors or facing their
health problems in general. Combine that with less social bias and many
fewer men find WLS as a solution. However, for those who do, I'm sure they
really enjoy the better health.
— kcanges
September 20, 2001
I had my lap rny six days ago because I felt I could not keep up with the
way I used to be able to do things. The older I got, the more my feet,
ankles, and knees hurted so this was the time. As far as looks go, my wife
cried several times telling me she loves the way I am right now and losing
weight from a looks point of view was not needed, but I new I needed to
loose the weight.
So here I am six days out, feeling as good as I could have ever dreamed,
but still missing my old buddy FOOD.
— MICHAEL Z.
September 20, 2001
Interesting question. I think that our society discriminates against obese
women much worse than obese men. Based on postings I have read by women I
had no idea how rough they have it. Also body image for women is really
distoted by those awful looking wafer thin models in ads and on magazine
covers. I've certainly had my share of taunts and subtle dicrimination
because of my size, but I had surgery because of my health and because I
could no longer do things I wanted to do. I certainly had a poor body
image but that wasn't reason enough to let someone "carve me up like a
thansgiving turkey". Us guys have to hang together but I think we all
can relate to many of the same emotional issues regarding food and obesity.
(lap RNY 6/26/01 - down 80 lbs.)
— Jonathan M.
September 20, 2001
It takes an act of God to get most guys to even go see a Dr when they are
on their death bed.
— [Anonymous]
September 20, 2001
I think that it's the way society veiws obese women vs, obese men. Ever
watched tv, or videos? A male singer or actor, can be plump to obese, and
does he get the woman in the end, or at the beginning? Sure he does. But
obese women are treated as a disgrace, something to hide, "nobody
would want her". I was even watching a comedy thing the other night,
and this comediane, was talking about how men will never admit they love a
fat or ugly women. He was fat too. It's deemed ok for men to be heavy.
And I also beleive, being married to one, lol, that men hate doctors. It's
like they are admitting defeat if they go to see one. Like asking for
directions when there lost, they don't want to do it. JMO.
— [Anonymous]
September 20, 2001
I agree with everyone! Fat men are ok, but fat women are not. Seinfeld last
night was a classic example... Newman is always sleeping with gorgeous
women, but would you ever see a large female sleeping with gorgeous men on
TV? Fat guys are cool see... I mean look at colleges around the country...
all frat houses have at least one sterotyped big guy in thei house who can
outdrink everyone...but us women we're just disgusting... sigh...
You know that kind of brings up another point? Why is it socially
acceptable to be anorexic, but the opposite end of the scale is not...
Stand me beside my firend Amy who's 6 foot and weighs 90lbs, they look at
her and say oh poor thing, and they look at me and say gross... look at
that slob... sigh... they're both eating disroders... but wy is one ok? oh
well...
— [Anonymous]
September 20, 2001
I agree with the previous posts - fat women are hated in our society. And
it is one of my pet peeves. On a personal level, I am bright,
hard-working, funny, and compassionate - yet I observe people pitying me or
looking at me with looks of disgust (or just outright saying awful
insulting things to me about my weight). There are men where I work who
are just as over-weight, yet they are seen as acceptable, but I am not. I
hate our society's view of female obesity. It's caused me a lot of
depression and sadness. I do want to lose weight for health and agility
reasons, but those aren't the reasons I get depressed. My greatest sadness
comes from being able to perceive the disgust and pity of those around me.
— Kathy J.
September 21, 2001
I think the steotype response of "men don't go to the Dr." &
"it's ok for men to be big in our society" are balderdash! Have
you looked on the cover of GQ lately? Seen any fat guys there? How about
all those sports mags & wrestling mags? See any big guys there?
Men are inundated with the same programming that women are. To think
differently is closed-minded & an over-simplification.
How about this hypothesis: Do you know how many profiles I see where a
female writes - "I heard about this surgery from my girlfriend, &
she's lost 100 pounds!" or "my 2 best friends had it &
they're doing fantastic" or "my 2 aunts & my both grandmas
& my 4th cousin & my sister-in-law twice removed had it, & that
inspired me to do it!".
Perhaps the social & societal sisterhood that's very evident when
reading these posts has something to do with it? I wish I KNEW a guy friend
who had the surgery, & who could fill me in on the details. There is
no "brotherhood" of male bariatrics. Maybe guys aren't having it
done as much because they don't hear about it from their friends &
coworkers?
Maybe that's an oversimplification. No more than that rubbish about
wafer-thin models in magazines & "it's ok to be fat if you're a
guy". Trust me...it's most assuredly NOT! Ask Bill Clinton who was
criticized unmercifally for gaining & losing those same 20 pounds every
year! We should all be so lucky, huh?
— Jay P.
September 21, 2001
I think more men than you know have it done, they just don't discuss it.
— faybay
September 21, 2001
Jon -- interesting hypothesis. I still disagree though. But I guess we're
all entitled to our opinions. Anyway, just a suggestion, I went to look at
your profile to see your "story" and there's nothing there.
Maybe some other men who, as you say, are missing out because they haven't
heard about the surgery would like to read your background and history.
Perhaps you can start a bariatric brotherhood of your own.
— Kimberly L.
September 22, 2001
Ok, my .02 here. I know quite a few men who have had surgery. Where I
work, I am the only woman I know of who had it but just through the
grapevine I already know of 3 men who have had it and I know that when I've
gone to my surgeon's offices (I've had two surgeries with two different
docs) I've always seen men there too. Here is where I think the difference
comes in. Women, by nature, are social creature and crave and seek support
whereas men tend to want to do it on their own (not all men of course, but
the majority) so that is why I think you see fewer men in these arenas. Of
the 3 men at work, none attends support groups and one went as far to say
that they were too "touchy feely" for him and he felt
uncomfortable at them. I know at the support groups I've been to there are
very few men and I think this is why. It's not that they aren't having the
surgery but that they avoid the support groups, and I think that probably
applies to sites like this as well. It would probably be helpful if
someone came up with a group for just men, it might make them more
comfortable. Support groups, whether in person or online, are essential
but do not do any good if you are uncomfortable. I hope this makes sense.
— Kellye C.
January 8, 2003
well ladies...at one time i was in pretty good shape and looking good and
had women approaching me for a date.. i,m 100 pounds overweight now and i
can,t find a date...no more smiles from strange ladies..hardly a glance..i
wish i knew newmans secret from the seinfeld show picking up all those
beautiful women..he probably tells them he,s a millioniare..i,ve given up
on the single scene.. being an overweight man is no picnic..the guys at
work are always ridiculing me about being a fatboy and being a man i have
to laugh along with them..i don,t get the attention from women or the
respect from men i once did.i hope with surgery i can get that back...my
health is also going downhill with all this extra weight and it,s
deppressing..i miss the good ole days..it was so much easier to be around
people
— tom C.
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