Question:
My husband does not want me to have the surgery he thinks I wiil reget it!

My husband thinks that I will reget having surgery because somewhere down the road after I lose all my weight I will miss having some ice cream cookies etc. He also is worried about my nurtition. I'm a vegitarian and I don't get enough protien as it is so he thinks that I won't be able to eat anymore.He doesn't like the fact that this surgery isn't reversibe either. I told him that I'm having it because I need to feel better about myself. He just doesn't understand he has never been overweight. I need all the support that I can get now!! Thanks Bonnie    — Bonnie S. (posted on September 3, 2001)

September 3, 2001
I am 14 months post op and at goal. I eat cookies and icecream although it is sugarless. I don't miss the sugar and I love my new self. As far as the vegitarian issue you need to speak with other vegitarians and professionals about that. So those are your husbands opinions , is he going to live your life for you. Sounds to me like he "enables and allows" you to be a failure even before you try. I don't mean to be harsh , but there are just sometimes when it is only your opinion that counts ,and for this surgery it IS only you who can make that decision. Good luck.
   — Rose A.

September 3, 2001
Bonnie, he's probably just afraid for you. But it is your life, your body, your decision. Try this and see if it helps. Go to my webpage, http://www.lkdobson.homestead.com and go on down past the first WLS poem, to the statement written by a husband about his wife having WLS. Print it out and leave it for your husband to read. Without comment. Just let him read it, and think about it. I do believe it may help open his eyes.... Good luck to you !!!
   — Lisa D.

September 3, 2001
Before my daughter and I had our RNY surgeries, my husband (who was also morbidly obese) voiced all those same objections. I realized that he was very afraid for us, and also threatened by the prospect that we would change and somehow "leave him behind" in the process. He was able to see us have completely successful and uncomplicated surgeries, and indeed did watch us "change" over the next year. However, he watched us become happier and healthier, and realized that the love and commitment within our relationship remained the same. (He subsequently has also had the surgery and cannot believe that he ever had any reservations at all!) The surgery will be an ongoing learning process for you as the patient, as well as for all those who love you. I totally agree with all the other responses. Your dietary regimen will be influenced somewhat by the type of procedure you choose, but vitamin and mineral supplementation will become a permanent part of your lifestyle. Vegetarianism will present a challenge in terms of obtaining adequate protein, but is certainly a manageable challenge. As to the reversibility of WLS, my surgeon is one of the pioneers in laparascopic WLS, and states categorically that the surgeries can be reversed at any point that it becomes medically necessary. However, he has found that to be necessary or requested in only 1% of surgical cases. The issue of reversibility depends largely upon the experience and expertise of the surgeon. Your ongoing enthusiasm and commitment regarding the future surgery, as well as your improved health and self-esteem post-op, will be critical factors in helping your husband to understand the personal importance of this step for you. There is no doubt that it will be a life-altering experience for both of you. Many couples take advantage of counseling with a trained, objective professional to sort out all the up-front AND underlying issues that are involved. Best wishes to you!
   — Diana T.

September 3, 2001
Bonnie, I'm not a vegetarian but otherwise, our stories are similar. My surgery is scheduled for 09/17. I finally made a few things clear to my husband and since then, the &quot;noise&quot; level has died down:<ul><li>I'm having the surgery because <b>I</b> want to have it</li><li>I know I will miss some foods but never will miss being 300 lbs</li><li>He needs to either support me or shut the fu@& up!</li></ul>Since I laid down this law, we've had a lot less &quot;but don't you feel sad that you are never going to be able to eat ice cream again?&quot; NO - I *will* be able to eat small amounts of ice cream eventually, AND like I said, from the vantage point of a weight that starts with a &quot;1&quot; I'm not going to miss most of my old food habits.<br><br>I know how hard it is to be firm with husbands. They know your food and worry buttons, and he's probably worried enough himself to be pushing them like crazy. Be calm and firm with him. Let him know you're doing this for <b>you</b> and that you want his support, but that you'll do it without his support. That shut my husband up for the most part, because he saw that I meant it!
   — Julia M.

September 3, 2001
bonnie, i became a vegetarian again 2 years after my rny...i do eat lots of seafood tho...i dont take any vitamins or anything..im healthier at 41 than i ever was at 18...at almost 3.5 yrs post op, i am able to eat small amounts of ice cream etc, but my craving is way less..or maybe i can handle it better...ive lost 250 lbs, and am hoping that a panni will bring me to near 200 which is my goal..your husbands problem is his problem..he needs to work it out...how about having him talk to other post op people? good luck..bonnie, i never regret having this surgury, only that i didnt do it sooner,,,kristina
   — k in me W.

September 4, 2001
I also was vegetarian and expected to continue being a vegetarian after surgery but the problem is I can not tolerate beans in any form anymore. I get terrible stomach spasms from beans that last for 24 hours and have actually ended up in the emergency room. Please consider this if the vegetarian lifestyle is important to you.
   — Laura R.

September 4, 2001
Hi Bonnie... I found myself becoming vegetarian after my open rny July 12, 20000. Mostly because I could no longer tolerate meat. I do eat some fish or chicken now and then, but I really have no appetite for it anymore. I do eat alot of tofu and other soy products. The best protein I have found so far, however, are the powdered protein supplements. I just mix a scoop in a quarter cup of water and down it like medicine twice a day. My appetite has changed so much. I crave fresh, and I mean extremely fresh, vegetables and salads and that is about it. Cheese is far too binding (a couple of good bouts of constipation have eliminated cheese from my life) nuts give me terrible cramps, and red meat makes me dump. Thank goodness for protein bars and powders. They are quick, easy, portable, and best of all I feel really fabulous. Strong, energetic, and healthier at 51 than ever before in my life. Don't worry about getting the nutrition...we live in a wonderful age when there are many, many fine products available to us. Go into any Nurtrisport and look around. It's mind boggling! About your problem with your husband...I sympathize. Of course he is frightened of losing you. He is also most likely going to lose his eating buddy. When he says "you will miss the ice cream" maybe what he means is "I will miss my eating ice cream and cookies with you". If you normally cook dinner for your family, and especially if you are a good cook, he may be concerned that you won't be interested in cooking for him anymore. He may be right! Your surgery will probably mean some changes in his life too. Are they significant changes when weighed against the health risks you face in remaining overweight? I don't think so. Perhaps if he thinks about it in this light, he can evaluate for himself if he is trying to discourage you for his own selfish reasons. Perhaps understanding that will be enough to make him change his mind and he will become supportive. I hope so. Good luck.
   — Anne G.

September 4, 2001
Its like this with me God 1st Vote Doctors 2nd Me 3rd vote Husband 34th vote NO BODY ELSE GETS A VOTE Now, if my husband disagrees...then its up to God and Me. I HAVE TO DO WHATS RIGHT FOR ME...but its not up to us to convince you only support you in what you decide. ITS YOUR LIFE..AND YOUR DEATH...and this surgery, is not easy...nothing worth doing in life is easy.
   — Jackiis