Question:
I feel guilty when I eat.

Iv started doing the hiding and eating thing. Even tho its a small amount and I need to eat Iv got a problem with still feeling fat. Iv lost 125 or so pounds. I don't know whats wrong with me. Its really hard to explain the feelings im having. Im kinda confused. I read the posts here every day and they help me and sometime i post an answer and hope I help someone, but I don't know how to help myself. I still feel so fat. Im down from a size 32 or more to a 22. Can someone help me figure out whats wrong? I even feel shame and guilt about giving my name but thats part of getting help I think, confessing so to speak. Margaret    — Margaret S. (posted on June 16, 2001)

June 16, 2001
I don't have answers, but can identify. I had surgery on 1/24. Since 1/10 I've lost 80 pounds, but continue to feel like I'm a failure and overeating every time I do eat. I go over what I eat at work again and again, it seems like too much (e.g., a large salad, cantaloupe, 1 or 2 oz. of cheese and 4 saltines), but I work 10 1/2 hour shifts, I go home and take care of stuff, and then go to bed, then don't eat until I return to work. So, it seems like a very small amount. Everytime I eat something I'm thinking "should I be eating this" if it's "regular" food vs. diet. I hope we get some good insight here. Take care, Best Wishes.
   — Tina C.

June 16, 2001
Dear Margaret: What type of foods are you hiding? I'm assuming it is something not on the plan because you feel ashamed about it. Are you binging and grazing? How often do you 'hide and eat'? Every day? Every couple of weeks? <p> I'm guessing that one reason you may be secretly eating is because you've done so well and probably had so much encouragement from those around you. Or do you have the feeling they are waiting for the WLS to fail like every other diet? Are they watching what you eat and commenting about it? <p> Since I don't dump and never have, I can eat anything I want and do so openly. Before WLS, I used to hide 2 or 3 candy bars in my purse and wait til the kids went to bed to eat them. I thought I was being a good mom - kids don't need the sugar, you know. But in fact, I didn't want anyone to know the way I ate. Now, I know that I can have a Hershey's minature or a fun-sized candy bar and still lose weight. I don't have to deprive myself and no one comments on what I eat. <p> I think the feelings of still being fat are directly related to the guilt of hiding the food. If you took away the shame, I think you'd take away the bad feelings. If you are still losing weight by fulfilling the rest of the plan (water, exercise, protien), then you need to get a grip on your emotions now before it becomes that vicious cycle of punishing yourself with food. Celebrate what you've accomplished at this point and allow yourself a treat once in awhile. And remember, you are a wonderful person! Good luck and God Bless!
   — Allie B.

June 18, 2001
I am so glad someone else posted this. I started doing the same thing this weekend again. I used to do this before the surgery in february of this year but I had not done it since. I don't know what happened this weekend but I started again. Everytime my friend would leave the room or go to the bathroom, I found my self sneaking bites of this or that. I know that it is old behavior and I need to lear n to control it. We are no different than addicts, heck I am a food addict. I guess we need some kind of 12 step program or consuling
   — Tracy C.