Question:
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SO MANY ON THIS SITE ARE SO QUICK TO JUDGE OTHERS...
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SO MANY ON THIS SITE ARE SO QUICK TO JUDGE OTHERS AS FAR AS SURGERY CHOICE, LIFESTYLE, RELIGION OR LACK THERE OF, BODY JEWELRY,ETC....WE ARE ONE OF THE MOST HARSHLY JUDGED GROUPS IN THE WORLD, THE OBESE. WHY THEN DO SOME OF US NOT LEARN FROM THAT AND ACCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE AND NOT HOW WE THINK THEY SHOULD BE???????? — [Anonymous] (posted on March 2, 2001)
March 2, 2001
i agree with you completely. A while back a posted an answer to someone's
question and in the answer i wrote that i went back to work 2 weeks after
Lap RNY and that i took my pain meds with me to work. Someone posted a
response that I was a bad example for people because I took drugs and drove
a car. First of all, I didn't take the meds until I got to work. And
second of all, maybe I take a bus to work or maybe someone drove me. That
person didn't know me. And they have no right to judge. Excuse me for
having to work for a living. If I didn't get back to work, my bills were
not going to pay themselves. But anyway, I completely understand what you
are saying.
— Angela E.
March 2, 2001
The short answer is that we're as human and flawed as anyone else. Sadly,
being the target of discrimination, scorn and ridicule doesn't necessarily
make us more sensitive to it or less likely to practice it. We should be
above it, but we're not always. We're just people like anyone else. On the
positive side, it's posts like yours that remind us to be kind to each
other. Thank you.
— Duffy H.
March 2, 2001
It's a vast right-wing conspiracy...
— Tina C.
March 2, 2001
Maybe because they type in CAPITAL LETTERS.
— [Anonymous]
March 2, 2001
I am astounded by Anonymous' reply. You are trying to point out that we
should think before we speak (or write)and then you get a smart aleck
response. As my mother always said, "If you don't have something nice
to say about someone, then don't say anyting at all." It is not our
place to judge people, lest we be judged.
— [Anonymous]
March 2, 2001
I am usually reticent about joining in a discussion where I have not been
invited to participate, but I have noticed in my 20 years of teaching
young adults that those who feel the least secure about themselves are the
quickest to criticize. It might be because if such a person can criticize,
the others' attention will not be focused on them. Just another cinch in
the armor, I'd say. Bottom line is that we must learn to love ourselves,
just as we are, before we can learn to love others.
Sorry, I guess I got "in the pulpit" as my students would say.
— April B.
March 2, 2001
I'd like to ring in on this answer. First of all, this is something of an
'advice' board. People ask questions of the general public here, and the
general public gives various opinions. If we always want someone to agree
with us, then this is the wrong forum. That's my opinion.
— Cindy H.
March 2, 2001
Regardless of whether or not we agree with someone's question, lifestyle,
etc. we can at least be polite in our response.
As we say here in Georgia, some folks just have no home training!
— Amy K.
March 3, 2001
I think it is rude of you to judge people who are judgemental. Some of us
are just naturally superior and you all should just listen quietly and
respectfully to what we have to say then adjust your life accordingly. It
really is in your best interest to do so.
— merri B.
March 3, 2001
AMEN. I THOUGHT I WAS WRONG ONCE... BUT I WAS MISTAKEN.
— [Anonymous]
March 3, 2001
I hope your answers are intended to be funny. I would hate to think that
such a helpful, supportive place for so many people is filled with
condescending, rude people.
— [Anonymous]
March 3, 2001
My personal practice is to take what I need...leave something constructive
when I can...and leave the info/comments behind that are not relevant or
helpful...to me. Do your best and don't sweat the small stuff. You'll
have enough challenges on your own hands...worrying about your health and
weight loss...to worry about how other people think, feel, speak. Good
luck.
— Lucky B.
March 3, 2001
Good question. Thank you for voicing what so many of us have wondered
about... I think it has to do with the anonymity of any online board; since
you got some "funny" [ha ha...] answers to your serious,
heartfelt lament, I think that makes my point. I will bet you these
"clowns" will write back to you and tell you to lighten up. Which
is bull, as far as I'm concerned. This happened to me a few months ago when
i innocently asked if anyone else at AMOS were gay, like I am. Well!! You
would not believe the furor this caused!! I had born-again christians
trying to save me, in a very dsitasteful manner, people shooing me off the
board for being a pervert, and when I told the group about it there were
WAY too many who said "lighten up!" Many of these were private
emails to me, some not. Anyway, I sympathize. there are judgmental people
everywhere, and sadly, we obese people are not immune. I guess we should
just count our blessings that there ARE plenty of nice ones. I'm sorry that
somebody hurt your feelings.
— Veronica D.
March 3, 2001
I started to respond to this post several times and changed my mind. Now I
find myself at this question again and know that I'm going to respond.
First, I'd say, I'm a really nice person so please don't send me hate mail
for just giving my opinion because I'm going to be brave and not post
anonymously. Have you ever noticed that when a celebrity gets married they
start popping up on marriage counseling infomercials even though it might
be their 5th marriage? Or, if a celebrity has a baby they immediately
write a book on parenting within the first 6 months? I think the same
thing sometimes happens to WLS patients. We have the surgery and it's as
though we wake up from the anesthesia and are suddenly "experts"
on weight loss surgery and any associated issue. I know I've seen posts
where people have been particularly successful with their weight loss and
they come across as "if you don't follow a plan exactly like mine
you're going to fail". I really believe that some of the people who
do this don't mean to come across as judgemental. They're simply so
convinced that they've hit on the "perfect plan" that they want
to share it with everyone and feel that everyone should be as excited about
it as they are. Then of course there are those who truly are judgemental
and I guess they'll remain a mystery to us all. What it all boils down to
is that some take the high road and some take the low road and if we all
make it to our goal then who really cares how we got there? Shouldn't we
all just support and encourage each other? We can offer advice but don't
get bent out of shape if folks don't take it!! Maybe what works for us
doesn't work for them. WLS has saved my life!! I've had people tell me
that WLS is just buying weight loss. My friend had someone tell her that
it was disgusting that she had to mutilate herself with WLS just because
she couldn't put her fork down. We deal with enough stereotypes from the
general public - we shouldn't have to deal with it here. Let's just work
together and I agree that we must stop being so judgemental!! Good Luck
All!!
— ronascott
March 3, 2001
I, too, think it's mainly due to the anonymity. Most of the people who post
rudely post anonymously. Some people do & say things under cover that
they would never do or say face to face. It's a fairly common & sad
phenomenon & has a lot to do with why road rage happens. People do
things while secluded anonymously in their cars they would never do face to
face, like boldly & frankly cut in front of someone else in a line. I
think some people "flirt" with meanness or breaking the rules of
politeness for a charge or just because it IS forbidden behavior. I think
most of these people are very different face to face & all their
friends think they're nice, polite, friendly people. It sure doesn't only
happen here. It's a fairly common thing on many internet sites & some
of them really battle the flamers. It's a hard thing to ignore meanness
when it's directed at you, but responding to them usually just fans the
flames. Just my opinion.....
— Kathy W.
March 3, 2001
For the uninformed, typing in all capital letters is considered rude in and
of itself and is referred to as shouting. It is considered bad netiquette.
— [Anonymous]
March 3, 2001
Maybe pre-op people should use capital letters and post-ops should use
small. =:^]
— blank first name B.
March 3, 2001
Certainly some of the answers to this question remind me why I don't post
questions on here anymore. I applaud you for asking the question but
certainly, there are alot of immature people on here that just have to put
other down. I have definately been lambasted just for voicing the opinion
that possibly this surgery was not as great for me as for some others. I
am truly sorry that some people answered you so rudely. We are not all
like that.
— Barbara H.
March 4, 2001
I have actually found that, as a group, this really is one of the most
accepting and tolerating bunch of people around. I don't believe that
being morbidly obese grants us any special status in terms of our ability
to be more understanding, less judgmental, etc. etc. We are, in the final
analysis, just a group of people like any other people. In comparison to
other bulletin boards I have frequented, this one is extraordinarily
supportive and pleasant. (Hope I don't offend anyone here, but the worst I
have encountered has been the Ladies Home Journal relationship board - an
unbelievably high rate of bashing, uncompromising, opinionated and
judgmental responses. I foster the hope that it is really all one person
with a lot of time on their hands!). - Kate -
— kateseidel
March 4, 2001
I have found most are pretty nice here but I quit going to the chat room
all together because of one person's rudeness. She was one of the people
who "live" in the chat room and the day before my surgery when I
went there for support, she was downright mean to me. She asked me to go
to another chat room and leave her territory alone. She was horrible. I
haven't gone back even though there was a lot of help there. I prefer the
Q&A forum or the message board. Everyone seems pretty nice to me. I
think the "anonymous" ones are the most rude. Perhaps we should
always have to use our names? Most people aren't rude if it can be traced
to them. Good luck!
— Marilyn C.
December 11, 2001
I'm so sorry that anyone was rude to you. WLS is very intense emotionally
as well as physically and we all need all the support we can get. So hang
in there and don't let anyone get you down or stop you from achieving good
health. I had to post here to also say that Merri Busch's answer was one
of the funniest ones I've read at this site. Best wishes to all!
— Carmen K.
December 11, 2001
Sorry you had an experience with rudeness on the boards. I've found the
Q&A and message board - for the most part - very friendly and helpful.
Agree with many other posters about causal factors for some people's
rudeness. I do NOT go to the chat room. I had several less than positive
experiences there - so I just stay away from it. I have found that I can
email some people directly (from their profiles)...some write back - some
don't. It's all good. As for the ALL CAPITALS DEBATE. Agree that it is
bad "netiquette," and understand that not all people know
that....as my DH says, "if they knew better, they'd do better."
I will say I hardly ever read long posts that are ALL CAPS just because it
hurts my eyes because I have to strain to read it. Anyway, I hope you find
the acceptance and support here that so many others have. Best of luck to
you. Open RNY 7/17/01
— blee01
December 11, 2001
I guess that just because a person is fat or thin or whatever doesn't stop
him or her from being a jerk. You can just as easily be a fat jerk as a
thin one. However. I do think that people who hide behind an anonymous
posting to make nasty comments to people who honestly want help and support
are insecure and unhappy people who are only out to make other people feel
as bad as they do.<p>AND IF THAT'S RUDE, WELL EXCUSE ME AT LEAST I
SIGNED MY NAME TO IT! ;)
— ctyst
December 11, 2001
What gets me is people attacking someones food choices like saying chili is
bad. Thing is chili is a good food choie and the poster is missinformed..
Anymous posters who attack others bug me too.......
— bob-haller
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