Question:
Need advice on how to "center " myself before surgery

I've read a lot on this site about fear, but that's really not quite my issue here. I have an open RNY on 12/01/00, and as if that in and of itself wasn't stressful enough, it seems like my life has taken this opportunity to become even more stressful. My beloved dog died unexpectedly, my mother has had a few health crises, my psychotic ex-husband has a parole hearing in two days and may very well get out of prison, the nut job next door to where I work has decided he hates my dual exhaust muscle car and has been making physical threats to my co-workers about me, new boss at work, relationship troubles, alternator fell off of my car today, sinus infection this close to surgery, stress stress stress!!!! Believe it or not, this is the short list; there's even more going on that I'm not even going into. Here's the thing I need help with: I have a lot of preparation that I need to be doing to get ready for this surgery, and I can't even accomplish my day to day tasks because my mind is scattered in all directions, and for the life of me I can't seem to focus. I'm not feeling sorry for myself or anything like that, I know there are a lot of people with worse worries than I have now, I just would like to know if anyone has any advice on how to get myself centered, you know, focused, pulled together, so I can get some of the things accomplished that I need to. My energies are so scattered!!! Thanks in advance for the help! AMOS rocks!    — SamanthaW B. (posted on November 20, 2000)

November 20, 2000
Samantha, I agree with Barb...you are just going to have to let some of it go...there are a great many things on your 'unfortunate list' that you cannot possibly control, manage, or even deal with right now...so, STOP, relax, do what Barb said about going to the doctor...explain to him/her your situation. Maybe they can give you something that can help you relax a little and do some deep breathing exercises...okay? God Bless...Terri ps: I will be praying for you...keep the faith!
   — Terri G.

November 20, 2000
Great answer, Barb! But I would like to share a few tricks from my bag of stress survival. When it rains, it pours for me as well. Like Barb, I prioritize - what is the most important thing right now? What are my immediate concerns? What can I do to improve my situation? What do I have to let go of and walk away from? What do I need guidance on, be it from someone more knowledgeable than myself, or from a higher power? After I organize those thoughts, I find that I can then focus on the positives and that which I can change. Because I had been out of work for 7 months to pursue WLS, have surgery and recover, I had many days that I second-guessed myself. But then I told myself I was lucky: my co-morbs weren't life threatening, I had no problems with insurance and I got my date within 3 months of starting the process. My recovery and weight loss have progressed very well. I had more confidence during my job search knowing that I would continue to lose weight. I had so much to be thankful for (even though I too have a pyschotic ex and he was in fine form immediately after my surgery!) - most of which was the insight and faith to know I was on the right path. Finally, I dream of all the accomplishments that are coming my way, all the changes that are taking place even now, when I can't see them, yet they become so much clearer after time. With all these darts being thrown at you now, you need to take care of your present health first, then attack the other issues when you are feeling better. Make that list, and cross off one item at a time, but take the time for a blanket and some tea! You may even be able to put some things off to deal with during the recovery period (phone work, correspondence). Feel free to email me - I think I know what your going through and I'd be happy to be your sounding board...Good luck to you and God Bless.
   — Allie B.

November 20, 2000
I would like to agree with what everyone said. Plus I want to add my own two cents. I don't know if you believe in meditation. I am a strong believer in meditation. Every morning when I rise I take my shower and light my candle and read the bible to ground me I also have a billion of inspiration books. T.D. Jakes "His Lady" Sacred Promises for God's Woman. Chicken soup for the Woman soul. My absolute favorite "woman Thou Art Loosed" also by T.D. Jakes. Just let go and Let God!!! I am not trying to preach to you. Just invite him in and put it in the sfgtdf (something for God to do file). Just take it oneday at a time. I will be praying for you also.
   — Sharon T.

November 20, 2000
I agree with everyone on what they said, you have to relax a little, do what is most important first, don't try to control the things you can't do anything about. I would like to point something out to you though. I'm not sure if anyone else has experienced this or not so I would love to hear feedback about it. One of the things I have found after having WLS is that my stress level is not the same as it was before. I was stressed out all the time about everything, I sounded just like you Samantha before I had my surgery, everything that could go wrong right before it in my personal life did, I didn't think I could handle the stress. I am finding that now, with the weight loss, (65 pounds) having my gall bladder removed, and all of the other sickness that went along with me being overweight gone, I am much more relaxed about things and do not stress out as much. I think this because when I was very overweight, everything seemed to be a struggle for me. I never felt good because I was carrying all this weight around, the smallest things seemed huge because I didn't have the ability to deal with them, I already had so many monkeys riding on my back because of my health that everything overwhelmed me. I think that most people who have had the surgery will agree with me on this, you will be surprised how much better your life will be after the surgery, not just your weight but how you deal with stress and life in general. Also, you are making a very life altering decision by having this surgery, in a way, after the surgery, I felt like, if I can do this, live through this surgery, finally get a grip on the only thing in my life that keeps me from being ultimately happy, then I can do anything! I used to envy people who would get themselves in a bind and be able to come back from it quickly without much stress. I wished that I could be that way. Now I realize that being overweight affects more than just your health, it affects your outlooks on life. Hang in there, you will be so amazed a few months after your surgery in how good you feel. If anyone agrees with what I said I would love to hear from you, [email protected]. Good luck Samantha and be strong.
   — christine L.

November 20, 2000
I work in a psychiatric hospital. Take 30 min for yourself. The time you put in will save you time in the long run if you can focus when you need too. Sometime guided imagery and progressive relation techniques help. So does journaling. Put all your worries on a piece of paper. Let that paper "hold" your worries for you. Next tight the muscles in for your feet. Hold it for 10 seconds, then let them relax, feel the tension go from that area. Next go to your calves, repeat. Then thighs, butt, abdomen, arms, shoulders and neck, then lastly your face. Each for a count of ten, notice how they feel. Then get comfortable in a quiet place. Focus on your breathing. With a breath in for 2 counts through your nose, and out through your mouth for four. As extra thoughts other than your breathing enter your mind, tell the thought "no" and resume focusing on your breathing. Soon you wil feel a bit of calmness. For the guided imagery next. Take yourself to a favorite place in your mind. I go to a meadow. Take time to "look" at everything in the meadow in your mind. The flowers, the grass, the birds, etc. Feel the gentle wind and the sun. Everything here is comfortable. Or go to the ocean (in your mind). (Play a cd of ocean sounds if this helps--sometime you can find ocean waves/sound machine made by homedics (itson the internet too)) Imagine the sun warm on you. Laying in the sand on a towel and having the warm of the sand on your back. Everything is comfortable. Listen to the waves. Focus on them. Match your breathing to them. When you are "done" pick up your things you brought with you and leave the place in your mind. Come back whenever you want and / or need to. Other suggestions. hot bath with candles. Go for a walk at sunset/sunrise. Notice nature. Make a list and prioritize what needs to be done first. Keep in mind what you can actually do about things. If it is out of your control and it still bothers you, journal. I hope this helps.
   — Carol H.

November 21, 2000
One word: Xanax
   — merri B.

November 21, 2000
HA! ROFLMAO @ Merri! She's right!
   — [Deactivated Member]

November 21, 2000
I know I have more time than you do since my surgery isn't even scheduled yet, but I have picked up the CD by Dr. Andrew Weil on surgery & healing. It has 2 CDs in it, one in which he speaks to the healing process and one that is music to relax and heal with. I am using the music one now to reinforce positive healing images, and want to listen it to it while I am in surgery as well (besides the healing value of the music and the reinforced positive thoughts, the earbuds keep the noise and voices of the surgical team out of my ears...I don't need to hear what is going on). Studies have shown some great therapeutic value to music, and I think some could help you now as well! Whenever I feel like the world is coming down all around me, I ask what would make the world stop if I weren't there to hold it together. If the answer is "nothing" (as it always is...), then I have nothing I need to worry about.
   — Toni T.