Question:
Why Is Society So Mean To Us?
In a society where we applaud an alcoholic's recognition of their disease and subsequent treatment or we applaud a smoker's resolve to quit even though they've already been diagnosed with lung cancer........why are people so mean to overweight or obese people? It's like society thinks every other so-called self-induced condition (though I don't believe obesity is totally self induced but rather self infuenced)is o.k. but if you're fat you're repulsive. When I think of the abuse I've endured at the hands of strangers simply because of my weight I just can't believe it. I was never a fat slob! I'm well spoken, clean, outgoing and kind.....just like most of you. Why is society so mean to us? — ronascott (posted on July 2, 2004)
July 2, 2004
I have endured the same situations you are speaking of. I really got
treated rough at my past job. I say the same things you were saying to my
husband every day... I still have the same personality... I am still the
same person... just a little thinner. Who knows why people are like that?
They associate "obesity" with "dirty" I guess... I
don't know. Well, God gave us a new life as well as new bodies I guess.
— pennix122
July 2, 2004
Fat is the last socially acceptable prejudice to be broken in our society.
Our media portrays fat people as lazy, dirty, slobs and stupid. No matter
how hard any of us tried, there's always going to be someone who perceives
use in that light. The media portrays thin as cool, thin as the ones who
have it all together and thin as the way to be. Since I've lost nearly 220
lbs, it's totally amazing to me that I'm not invisible any more, my opinion
is respected (in most lights), and people who wouldn't give me the time of
day now act like I'm worthy of their attention. I'm finding myself in a
position where if they couldn't give me the time of day pre-op and pre-WLS,
who needs them now. I'm seriously even thinking of changing jobs just to
see if I don't have to contend with what I call the pre-post-op syndrome
where you're treated so differently.
— Cathy S.
July 2, 2004
You know what my favorite part is? Everyone's feels SO SORRY for the
anorexic girls...oh it's pitiful and everything else...along comes a big
chick and they are like 'eeeewwwwww' and 'can't you do something about
that?' Of course, when they hear you've had WLS, then it's 'oh you took
the easy way out!' You can't win!!!
— Kimberley E.
July 2, 2004
People can be so cruel and I feel no hate towards them, just pitty. They
are the ones with problems and issues. It was rough for me being heavy as
it is with me being so called "normal". Now it is a whole new set
of issues. I just think these people need real friends, family or
counceling. I do not give people the satisfaction to feel they have set my
feelings for me by hurting me. I live my life and they don't. My favorite
saying is "you don't know what's it's like to have to walk a mile in
my shoes" That makes me feel all gooey inside with emotions lol(tears
with the song everytime). Don't let ANYONE ever make you feel like less of
a person because they are so insecure about themselves! I have a few
friends from when I was heavy that always were good to me, but now that im
smaller than them (still the same dang person with more self esteem) they
treat me like crap and I rarely speak to them, otherwise I get to hear
about either my loose skin or how I took the easy way out with the miracle
surgery and tt(all negative). Blah, blah, blah. That's all it is! Good
luck!
— Sandy M.
July 3, 2004
IGNORANCE! Just like anything else, Skin color, religion, handicapped,
addictions etc... if they haven't lived it they don't understand it.
— ZZ S.
July 3, 2004
Yes yes ignorance!
When I went to college, I was told by my roomate that fat people always
smell like chocolate milk, and then asked why I didn't smell like chocolate
milk.
Yeah, that was fun.
Then, as I started my career, I was told by a girl I worked with that
"I don't normally like fat people, but I like you!" I think that
was supposed to be a compliment
....It's been a real joy :)~ Bottom line, I feel bad for people who are
so ignorant, and make an effort to change their perpective. Those two
people are now very close friends of mine, and they both understand there's
so much more to me than what's on the outside.
— [Deactivated Member]
July 3, 2004
The really sad thing is that it is not just the skinnies but also WLS and
Mo people who can be just as cruel.
— snicklefritz
July 3, 2004
I have several friends that are still obese and I'm still considered obese
(5'6" 197 now post op 7 mos). A few days ago I had some friends over
(not obese and men) my husband and my brother-in-law and my husband was
quiet, but the other two guys were talking about one of the girls my
brother in law used to date (he let the girl perform oral sex on him but
refused when he was asked to return the favor because she was too
"spreaded" for him). They started talking about the girls, how
they were just greedy and stank and how that it didn't make any sence they
were like that. I was VERY offended (I wonder what my "friends"
were saying behind the back of ME and My husband). Had the nerve to tell
me "you're not fat anymore, so it doesn't apply to you". I'm
guessing it never came to my face but what were they saying behind my back?
— tinky471
July 4, 2004
I'm not sure if anyone agrees with me.... being a fat adult is one thing,
and being a fat kid/teen is another. I don't want it to sound like there is
sad violin music playing in the background :) Growing up a fat kid/teen
was nothing but PURE TORTURE for me, I truly wouldn't wish it on my worse
enemy! Yes adult can be so mean, but teenagers are just RUTHLESS
(expecially to the girls)!! I was a big baby, fat kid and OBESE teenager.
When I look back on my teen years, It still amazes me that I made it
through without killing myself. Things like mass school shootings or
HORRIBLE, but I must say, I can totally understand how a teenager might get
to that point.(not that I personally ever had such thoughts) but I sure do
understand....I've always been a very sensitive person, so I could never
just "laugh something off"...what would I do when I was tormented
for being fat ? Well (as I'm sure many of you can relate) I'd GO EAT MORE
to make me feel better. We teach our children math, English, science in
school...but what about KINDNESS and SENSITIVITY. I think there should be
an ENTIRE class period used for teaching "morals" "getting
along with others"....I could sit all day and tell stories of TORTURE
(like I'm sure many of you can) Like walking down the school hallway and
getting publically HUMILIATED on a daily basis...Mooooo'ing noises-
Elephant comments- I'll NEVER (ever ever ever ever) forget my first day of
Highschool (I was the "new" girl) It was our first day of gym,
The gym teacher made us run laps around the track- Well of course I could
hardly make one lap...all the girls had a blast making fun of me- I'll
NEVER forget the words "If I ever get to that point, just SHOOT
me" And of course as an adult, other adults have been mean to me, but
now I could deal with it much better. I think it's VERY important that we
teach our children sensitivity, and let them know that "harmless
teasing" is NEVER EVER acceptable and will NOT be tollerated. I agree
with the poster who said that "obesity" is the only
discrimination that is still accepted. How often do we see Comedies making
fun of the obese- So you asked...WHY is society so mean ? and I say..GOOD
QUESTION- It starts at home with our children- I think KINDNESS needs to be
DRILLED into our children (often).....Sad...Oh so sad !
— WABBIT F.
July 4, 2004
I have an answer to your question. When we stop (MO) accepting
responsibility for how our weight has increased dramatically with little
influence, I think the medical profession will someday, like in other
disease processes, own up to the fact that they just had the wrong
information about what makes people fat. We just probably will not live
long enough to get our due respect. In the meantime, I will not take total
responsibility for my increasing girth by saying I did it to myself. Noone
had dieted harder or exercized more than me. I just saw no results for my
efforts. I accept that there is an answer to my problem that science just
has not discovered yet. To the rest of the naysayer-I don't care what you
think. You have not walked in my shoes.
— [Deactivated Member]
July 4, 2004
It's a judgement. Most people make judgements about others when they're
afraid of that very thing within themselves. It's the unfortunate part of
human nature. It's once we learn that we need to 'own' our judgements
(meaning that whatever I say about someone else is actually speaking
volumes about what I feel about myself), that we can understand this about
those lobbying such venom.
I feel that those people who are judging obese people are those that have a
fear (whether they are willing to admit it to themselves or not) of
'getting there' themselves. So what do they do? They point out the
flaw...to make sure that others 'know' that they don't have this problem.
And to try and make themselves believe that they're 'ok'. As for the
children...they're often repeating their parents' judgements and taking
them on as their own and perpetuating the sickness.
Does this make it any easier to hear? No. But, with that understanding,
it is easier (once we get past the initial pain of hearing what is said) to
realize that these individuals are actually hurting, and that this is a
swipe at their own psyche and fears. Just my humble $.02.
— nkate
July 5, 2004
Every body needs somebody to look down on to make them feel Important.
We're so beaten down by the time we reach adulthood, we are perfect
targets. We're "used to it" and "deserve it". Or so The
Superior Ones think. Even some of my closest friends thought I was great
fun and a good friend, except for this character flaw. Then there's you 'n
me, not being overly tall, are we? And we're just roly poly lil round balls
for people to kick around. DON'T get me started. I'm incognito now, but I
can become very fierce, very quickly if I even see an eye batted in an
imperious manner toward one of us. Grrr
— vitalady
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