Question:
How do you handle it when one minute you want the surgery and the next you don't?
I have given this surgury quite a bit of investigation and research. But of course I have the issues of being scared out of my wits and then the next of finally being thin again. One minute I think there is not way that I can go the rest of my life without eating the foods I love, and the next saying to myself that its that thinking that got me this way in the first place. I tell myself that if I put my mind to it that I could lose the weight but then I remember that every time that I've done it in the past I gained it back. I tell myself that I need to take these measures because if I don't I will definately fall back into old habits, but then I just get so scared. I know I'm not alone in these thoughts but how do you work through them and make the right decision for you? — Karen S. (posted on July 7, 2003)
July 6, 2003
I don't know exactly how to answer your question, but I know that it took
me nearly a year and a half to be SURE this was the right thing for me. I
think what really convinced me was going to support meetings with post-ops,
and seeing that they are looking and feeling better than I have in years,
and talking with them and realizing that we CAN eat again, and we can be
NORMAL, just not my version of normal that got me MO; rather, like normal,
healthy people...the post-ops were so inspiring, and I knew after one
meeting that I was ready and I haven't looked back once. The fears are
there, what if's make me worry all the time, BUT I know it's worth the
risk, and I have faith that I'll be fine!! I hope you find something that
helps you make this important decision a little more easily.
— Kelly B.
July 6, 2003
I'm pre-op and understand totally where you are at. Do as much research as
possible, participate on the boards, attend local support group meetings,
keep yourself busy, do relaxation techniques. They will all help. Last
month I read a great book (only 94 pages and an easy read) called Who Moved
My Cheese? It really opened my eyes to how I handled certain things. As I
result, I have this typed to my computer monitor: <BR><BR>
"When you move beyond your fear, you feel free."<BR>
"What would you do if you weren't afraid?<BR>
"If you do not change, you can become extinct.<BR><BR>
Any time I start to freak out, I think of these especially the one
"What would you do if you weren't afraid?" It really puts things
in prespective. Then I remember too that my primary doctor is 100% behind
me having this surgery and she said to me "Where will you be in 5
years if you do nothing? Where will you be in 10?" I can't say you
will always be free of fear, but I hope you can be more in control of it
instead of letting it control you. Surgery is scary, but so are the
complications that being morbidly obese give us. Wishing you the best.
— [Deactivated Member]
July 6, 2003
Kelly is right we can eat normal, just not the way that got us MO. I am 10
months post-op, and I remember before surgery thinking I will never be able
to go out to a nice dinner again (one of my favorite things to do pre-op)
well its not my favorite thing anymore, but I like when I go now not being
worried about ordering something low fat so I wont be 10 pounds heavier in
the morning. Now I order whatever I have a taste for knowing I can only eat
a few bites and then hubby gets the rest hehe. Its normal to be scared, but
my mom told me once before surgery "you know you really dont see too
many 60 year old obese people. I think that was the light bulb moment. Take
care. RNY 9/02 was 213 now 127.
— April G.
July 6, 2003
I agree with the previous poster. It took me 2 years of research and
questions to realize that this is what I needed to do for me. My way of
looking at Normal has change greatly. I don't feel like I have given up
anything that is really important to me. If anything it has helped me
appreciate the things I do love even more, like family and friends. I have
learned to taste my food and appreciate the flavor more and that makes
having just a little of it even better. I have had to relearn a lot of
things and get rid of a lot of bad habits and I sure don't miss them. I
feel very normal now. When I look back and think was eating a whole large
pizza and desert normal, when everyone else was stuffed on a couple of
slices. Good luck in whatever you choose.
— Lora T.
July 6, 2003
Attend support group meetings AND have dinner with a post op who has lost
at least a 100 POUNDS. tHATS WHAT GOT ME TO DECIDE. Fear is normal, I was
afraid of dying, and of not being able to eat any more. But I can eat
ANYTHING, and didnt die. Sure feel good! Best thing I EVER did!
— bob-haller
July 6, 2003
What you are feeling is perfectly normal. This is not a cakewalk. There are
some sacrifices you will have to make. But you can do it. I don't miss the
foods I used to eat becasue they were just empty calories. I am actually
healthier now than ever before. I eat more and better. I went through what
if it fails but a better question became what if it succeeds. WHat if I
lose all my weight, what happens. I know I will try and handle it somehow.
Good luck and keep going. You will be a success.
— snicklefritz
July 7, 2003
It's good to have some fears and second thoughts because that makes you
really think about what you're doing. However, I feel very strongly that
the decision to have or not to have this surgery is a very personal one
that only you can make. If you are having doubts I encourage you to wait
until you resolve those doubts. Try another diet if that will satisfy your
feeling that perhaps you are one of those people who can lose successfully
by dieting (it's a small percentage of MOs, but some can do it; maybe you
are one of them). Taking care of yourself properly after this surgery is a
huge comittment. If you are not absolutely sure going in that you will
faithfully take your vitamin and mineral supplements, eat enough protein,
drink enough liquids and avoid the foods or eating patterns that got you MO
in the first place, then don't have the surgery. Continue to do your
research, stay on this board and hear about other people's experiences, but
be sure it's the right thing for you before you do it. It took me years to
get from "I don't want to give up going out to nice dinners" to
"I have to have this surgery to save my life". I have absolutely
no regrets because I was so sure when I finally went ahead. It's too big a
thing to do unsure. You will find your way, but give it enough time.
— Vespa R.
July 7, 2003
I agree that your feelings are normal. As far as foods are concerned, if
you are having RNY, your tastes will change so much. I am 19 months
post-op and the only foods I don't eat at all are pasta and sweets. I
rarely eat bread or potatos or rice but I do occasionally. The real
clincher is that I don't miss these foods. I drank 40 - 80 ounces of
Classic Coke a day before surgery; I can't even stomach the thought of one
now. I do eat no sugar added ice cream occasionally but usually prefer
fresh fruit. I eat tortilla chips (a few) with salsa when I go eat Mexican
Food and it has't hurt me at all. So, you won't have to give up all the
good foods forever. I would recomend staying away from sugar free candies
and cookies until you are near goal; it makes losing easier since they are
full of non-nutritious calories. But now that I'm at goal, I have the
occasional sugar free Reeses Peanut Butter Cup - 30 calories in one
bite-sized one and it satisfies the craving.
— Patty_Butler
July 7, 2003
It took me four years to make the decision to have surgery --I really felt
like a failure with the weight loss issue. I had my first consultation
10/01, my second on 10/02 --I gained another 30 lbs in a year. My surgery
was 12/23/02-- I loved sweets, chocolate, and cola -- how could I ever
quit? I have lost 93 lbs, I'm so happy I had the surgery. Afraid to give
up things you love or you might fail--what are the alternatives--type 2,
blood pressure pills, a cane to help you walk, knee or hip replacement
surgery. I have been obese my entire life --I am finally no longer
preoccupied with eating...thank you God! I wish you the best!
— debmi
July 7, 2003
One thing that has helped a lot through this surgery has been some great
therapy... it has focused on my future, and what I want that to be, and not
so much on how I beat myself up in the past. I have a wonderful group of
supportive post-op friends. They do not magically appear; I cultivated
these relationships.
Also, there is no way to predict exactly how you will be able to eat after
WLS. Everyone is different. I have found that among my group of friends
(who have had exactly the same procedure from the same surgeon) that we all
eat differently. Not by choice, but by how our bodies handled the surgery.
I dump on 5 g of sugar or more, some of my friends do not dump at all. So
to think that you will have "no life" after WLS is only a gamble.
But you still need to have the mental and emotional commitment to make this
work. No matter what, if you are not ready for this surgery it can be
sabotaged. I have seen that too. And those people blame the surgery...
never themselves. So it is up to you to overthink this (not just jump into
it like it is the magic pill) - congratulations on being smart enough to
think ahead! It is a major step, and that you are taking the time to think
these emotions through proves that.
Remember that having the surgery will not solve any of your problems,
except to make weight loss easier, and in turn help make you healthier.
Everything else has to come from inside of you. Things that were tough
before (dealing with people, difficult marriage, bad work situations) only
get magnified when you add the stress of surgery, recovery, rapid body
images change and developing new self-confidence.
Sorry for the long-winded answer, but I hope this helps!
Good luck to you. -Shelli (15 mo. post-op Lap RNY, -110#)
— kultgirl
July 8, 2003
The fundamental unfairness of WLS is that it drastically changes your
relationship with food in ways that are unimaginable to those who are
pre-operative. As someone whose life was defined by the consumption and
preparation of food, I couldn't imagine a life without it (of course, I
never appreciated that the surgery would only limit my ability to consume
large quantities of it, and would have no effect on my cooking or baking).
I used to wake up hungry (and in pain from arthritis and heal spurs) every
morning-- I didn't understand what I would do when I woke up and couldn't
eat. Of course, it never dawned on me that I just wouldn't be waking up
hungry anymore (and wouldn't be roused from sleep from pain). Also, I
couldn't envision not being able to entertain and eat; but then again, I
didn't believe that I would have so much more energy (after surgery) that I
would love entertaining. I guess that no one who hasn't had the surgery
can experience the new life that WLS provides-- and, that leads to a lot of
the very natural and normal fears. I was a wreck in the year that I
considered whether or not to have the surgery for I was a true
"foodie"-- and, when your life is defined by food (as mine was),
WLS seems like a daunting endeavor that will unravel your very existence.
But, with supportive friends and family, a great support group and a
willingness to tackle my food demons on a day-by-day basis, I have gotten
through it (for today at least). As for dealing with the fear of reverting
to old bad habits, there are no guarantees-- but, for now at least, I find
myself enjoying my new body and life more days than I worry about losing it
all-- and by staying active with support groups and post-operative care, I
know that I can minimize the risks of reverting.
Check out the webpages and profiles of the people who have answered this
posting. You'll find many inspiring stories and you'll know that you're
not alone. I find myself reading other people's profiles all the time as a
way to inspire me to stay the course. Good luck in your journey.
— SteveColarossi
July 8, 2003
I am 12 days post op and have lost 19 lbs since my surgery. From 266lbs to
247. As I sat in the orientation meeting the day before my surgery I was
ready to walk out. My mom was against my having the surgery so I knew she
would have been thrilled to have me bail on it and we could all go out and
eat. My husband feared complications so I knew he wouldn't be mad. Then
walked in a nurse who was 18 years...yes years post op. After spending
time with her and listening to her answer our questions I realized I will
finally be able to eat till I'm satisfied. Eventually some people, not all
can eat a little of anything...that was encouraging...she then told the
group about a woman who did not show up the next day...said she wanted to
give it "one last try" and her reply was how many "last
tries" are we going to try? I realized how tired I was of stuffing
myself. I love to entertain....but I can be a better hostess if I look
great, feel great and don't spend the whole party grazing. I want to
dance, fit in chairs, airplanes, travel...and I knew I would eventually
only get bigger. NOt to mention my health, diabetes, bad knees, back
pain...at 35 too young to not be able to get around. I couldn't stand the
way I looked and wanted my children 9 & 12 to not be humiliated around
their friends because of my appearance. You know where you are at, where
you've been and where you want to be. Make a list of all the things you
want when you get thin....I have one on my profile you are welcome to view.
Non of them involve food. An example would be small things llke cross my
legs, wear a shirt tucked in, ride on the back of a motorcycle, dance, wear
high heals, shop in a normal store and not pay extra for a larger size.
Surround yourself w/ post ops....I panicked when I got home until I talked
with several wonderful friends I have made from this site who are post ops
and I felt so much better. You'll make the right decision for you.
— nani68
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