Question:
How can I relax myself and my conscience?
I am 10 days away from surgery (15th). I have never had any surgery before in my life. I am 31, no health problems, 291 and 5'5...I am sooo scared of dieing! I am scared I won't wake up. I am also scared that when the 15th arrives, I will change my mind and not go to the hospital or worse, get there and leave. I believe that when God decides it is your time it is your time, but, I am so scared! WHY? My friend who had surgery 2 wks ago had a blood clot in her lung over the weekend and could have died. How do I get over this...How do I relax myself? HELP! — heathercross (posted on August 4, 2002)
August 4, 2002
Heather, I am a month away from your surgery date, I too was al consumed
with Dying.I have written letters just in case.I think it is all a state of
mind, just start seeing yourself thinner,healthier,happier,POSITIVE
IMAGING!!!! You can do it girlfriend! We can do it together!!!!
— Vicki M F.
August 4, 2002
Heather, you need to have faith that you are about to embark on an amazing
journey and that everything will turn out wonderfully. Just keep your
thoughts positive and every time you think "what if...", think of
things that will make you feel good. Things like, how you will feel when
you can bend over and tie your shoes without holding your breath. Or how
good it will feel to walk into a crowded room and people are looking at you
because you are beautiful, not because you are fat! Or being able to wear
a bathing suit with pride! (Really!) As with many things in life, nothing
ventured...nothing gained. Take the big, brave step of making a happy,
healthy future for yourself and all will end up just as it should. I wish
you the best. :o)
— Jennifer A.
August 4, 2002
Hi Heather, I am also worried and scarred about this surgery, I am having
my surgery on the August 12, seven days away. I am not as healthy as you,
with HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, DIABETES and my LEFT KIDNEY is non-functioning.
The LORD HEARS OUR PRAYER and SEES OUR TEARS and HE WILL SURELY HEAL US. We
are being offered a new life. Who said we don't get a second chance? Guess
againg we have, so lets praise him and thank him and he will get us through
this and into our new life. Be Happy and relax. The Lord is not going to
give you more than you can handle. Take care lots of Hugs.
— tanya G.
August 4, 2002
AMOS Friends, Heather will be having surgery at Lennox Hill Hospital in New
York City on Thursday, August 15th. As you see from her post, she is afraid
of backing out of her decision based on the normal fear she may have that
morning. Is there ANYONE in this geographical area that can help her out
that day? Heather, keep updating your profile... I'll be keeping tabs on
you!
— Karen F.
August 4, 2002
Is there anyone in the PITTSBURGH area with similar concerns? I am here to
help...
— Karen F.
August 4, 2002
What you're feeling is very normal, especially since your friend had such a
close call. Go to Amazon.com or e-Bay and look for a book and a tape
called Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster by Peggy Huddleston. It's a
combination relaxation/healing audio tape and book. You could probably get
it really cheap. It helped me alot. I don't know where they are (I think
I loaned them out) or I would send them to you. But know this. Like you
already mentioned, God IS in control. I was scared too but I also knew I
was so miserable in my "skin" that I didn't want to keep on the
way I was. He will take care of you. Best wishes on your journey.
— Annie H.
August 4, 2002
Heather, I really feel for you and know how you are feeling. I was also
very frightened of not waking up from surgery. I remember telling a few
close, close friends of my fear and that all I could focus on was waking up
after surgery and seeing my daughter, the love of my life. I don't have
any magic answers about getting rid of the anxiety. I just knew that this
surgery had to be done to save my life. I am 5'5" like you are and
weighed 315. My surgery was May 1 of this year. I talked to myself all
morning the day of the surgery, reminding myself that God had given me the
gift of knowledge about this surgery, the easy approval by my insurance
company, and an opportunity to change my life. I feel like I am
rambling...I guess my advice is to focus on the person or persons you lovel
and think about how this surgery will affect not only you, but them too.
And have someone you love be there for you to see as soon as you wake up.
My prayers are with you.
— Brenda A.
August 4, 2002
I was the same as you. No surgeries or problems previously. I was also
very scared. However, I prayed and it did give me a lot more peace. Even
when I was being wheeled into the OR, I was praying. If you do that, you
really can't think of anything else and you'll get through it just fine.
— Patty H.
August 4, 2002
Heather, we share the same surgery date. The risk of dying is there and it
cannot be ignored. But you can manage your perspective!!! Plan! Plan!
Plan! I choose to look at this surgery as the opportunity of a lifetime
for me. It's an opportunity to get rid of my medical problems and a side
benefit, I could just lose this weight I've been carrying around forever
and a day. You have to decide as soon as you're conscious after the
surgery that you're going to do it by the book for at least 6 months.
You're going to walk, walk, walk at every opportunity--even if you don't
feel like it in the hospital and at home. That mitigates your risk for a
blood clot. The doctor will do his part and if you decide on a plan for
you, I know you'll be fine!!!! I'll be thinking about you!
— Cathy S.
August 4, 2002
Been there done that see my profile, I was sure I would die. What helps is
attend support group meetings, take a long term post op to dinner ( 6
months or over ) see their success and hear their story. It would be
abnormal if you werent scared. Fear over things like this prevents us from
hurting ourselves. But surgery fore MOS is great! It helps us to get
healthy. I am just over a year out and feel GREAT! You will too!
— bob-haller
August 5, 2002
I know it can be scary, but you said it best. When it's
your time to go, then there isn't anything you can do about
it. Try not to think about the people who died, think of all
the people who are living for the first time in their lives.
Before surgery, my day was consumed by thinking of food and
being depressed because I would barely move without being
out of breath. Is that anyway to live? I was scared too, but
I decided that I'd rather be healthy than what I was. Look
forward to your new life. Good Luck.
— Sarah K.
August 5, 2002
I could have posted that question myself. My surgery is a month away
tomorrow. I'm 23, in good health
(well besides being 100+ lbs. overweight ;o), and have never had any type
of surgery before. Not even
stitches! I keep having the feeling that I only have one month left to
live. I can't shake this feeling. It's
horrible. I haven't made any plans for after my surgery. It's strange, I
try to explain it like this... I am in
limbo right now. I'm not really living, my weight holds me back, but I'm
so afraid of dying, so right now I'm
just existing. If that makes any sense! Any words to calm me down would
help too!
— JM B.
August 5, 2002
As my late father used to say, "It's not the dying, it's the
process!" So I am a Christian and my faith tells me that absent from
this body is present with the Lord and I KNOW that's where I'll be BUT I
hate the process of getting there. I also know that I won't even think of
the pain and suffering here when I'm there but again, I hate the process.
Then, I recalled a recent airline trip where the plane shook and shimmied
all the way out of the sky and the weather was just beautiful --- must have
been a bad pilot --- and that was just awful!!! So I'm trying to gear up
by saying, if I HAVE to die, thank you God that it will be so peaceful
under the anesthesia. I know that may not be a comfort to you but that's
just how I'm handling it and I hope that you can find something that
comforts you. It's all individual, isn't it? May God grant you the peace
that passes all understanding!!! Nelly
— Nell C.
August 5, 2002
hiya sweetie, i was like you with the fear...unlike you tho i'd had 9 major
surgeries and i was sure that i would die during my open rny because i'd
"chosen" to have the surgery and it was not "forced by a
doctor"...even tho i was literally killing myself by being so obese
the night before surgery, at the hospital i begged my hubby to take me
home, i cried and swore that i'd go to the gym every day - he looked at me
and said, "honey, you are way beyond the gym. you are doing the right
thing" then i got a valium from the nurse and that helped but the next
morning when they came for me i panicked again. i cried like a baby in the
pre-op room but i had a great nurse who sat with me and just talked and
stroked my arm. i made it through just fine.
for the fear, well, a support group is wonderful...friends you can email or
call is great too...if you pray, then that should be a comfort...i also
wrote in my journal about the fear and i made sure i told everyone how much
i loved them.
please don't back out - having the surgery was the best thing i ever did
for myself and i'm sure you'll feel the same!
hang in there, you can email me anytime
{{{hugs}}}
kate
[email protected]
open rny 6-14-01
pre op: 268lbs
goal weight: 135lbs
current weight: 130lbs
— jkb
August 5, 2002
I understand. My surgery is the 23rd and yeah, I'm scared too. But at the
ripe old age of 50 and having been thru some heavy stuff I can honestly
tell you if " it ain't your time, you ain't goin' " and Honey if
it is there is nothing you can do to stop it. Tell the people close to you
how much you love them. That's really important. When the anxiety gets
bad I hand it up to the Lord. Then I think about how wonderful I'm going to
feel in a couple of months or less. I also like to find people photos who
were about my weight and look at their pictures then I sit back and dream
about how good I'm going to look!
— Amy G.
August 5, 2002
I can totally identify with your situation. My RNY will be on the 20th and
I am nervous. I am a single mother and get anxious when I think about what
could happen. What I have found that calms me down in my moments of panic
is two lists that I keep at hand (both works in progress)- the first list
is "things I will never have to worry about again" i.e.... my
health, breaking lawn chairs, tight clothes, etc - the second is
"things that I will be able to do" ....buy normal clothes, feel
sexy, etc. It has been a big help and takes my mind off of this scary, but
life chaninging event. Good luck and see you on the flip side!
— Shannon H.
August 17, 2002
Heather: I too am so scared of dying,it is not the dying part,it is the
process as someone already said.I am so afraid that when I look into my 2
sons faces and my hubby, that i will be looking at them for the last
time,and that is the hardest part,my children,they are my life,but I feel
like I am making thier life miserable because i am so miserable with
myself.I do not have a surgery date yet, as a matter of fact, I am still
researching it to see if it is right for me.I have been reading the
memorial page and got really major second thoughts.Tell my self,try jenny
craig again,I keep looking for an inner voice to say,go for it, you already
have had 19 major surgeries, whats one more?None of the surgeries were due
to my weight.2 c-sections,1 hysterectomy,1 major cancer surgery and 15
reconstructive surgeries,made it thru each one like a trooper,but somehow
this one seems different,only because it is elective.so Heather,dont feel
like the lone ranger here when you say you are scared,we all are afraid of
the unknown.Good luck sweetie, and please keep us posted.
— phoebe H.
Click Here to Return