Question:
Role of husband post-op?
My husband is my best friend and main source of support. He is thrilled that I'm going to have WLS and willing to do anything to help me succeed. The problem, you ask? We have been trying to move "home" for 2 years, but he hasn't been able to find a job in his field. Now that my surgery is scheduled for August HERE, he has an offer THERE. He wouldn't have to start until after I was home from the hospital. Other than the obvious separation issues that anyone would face if he moves before the rest of the family, my specific question is HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO HAVE A STRONG AND CONSTANT SUPPORT during the first 6 months - year? I would miss him terribly regardless, but will I NEED him post-op? On the flip side, I am already stressing about groceries and feeding my family post-op and must say that not having to cook "real" meals would probably be helpful. I need some input from some of you have have been through it! Can I handle the changes, the new lifestyle, the emotions, everything! without him here? Thanks!!!!! — jen41766 (posted on June 26, 2002)
June 26, 2002
Well I can answer this one!
My husband had to leave in the beginning of October in support of operation
Enduring Freedom. Of course I found out 2 weeks later that everything was a
go for surgery and would be in Jan. So I went through pre op testing and
all that good stuff and he made it home 2 days before surgery and left
exaclty a week after. I was on my own..my kids are 10 and 12 and so we had
prepared with lots of tv dinners and stuff they could make themselves. My
husband is also my best friend and luckily we can email all the time so my
support is mostly online..I have no family and the friend that was supposed
to be my big helper came over like once a week and spent an hour with me if
I was lucky. So the house was a little messier than normal but thats life.
My husband came home in feb left again in march for 2 weeks then in may for
2 months. With a good relationship and the ability to communicate your
husband can still be an excellent support system for you!! I was worried
also about the same things, but I made it through just fine..the only thing
that sucks is when you really need a hug or someone to rub your back and
they just arent there..but that is something you just have to deal with I
guess...I know I am lucky to have my husband and all the support he gives
me no matter whether he is here or 1000 miles away...its still that
unconditional love and support that gets me through..regardless of the
situation..
— kittycat
June 26, 2002
Wow! Reading this I thought I was posting. I have had so many problems
getting this surgery, that when I finally gave up on the surgery,
registered for school, planned a trip home for summer vacation, and THE BIG
ONE found out my hubby was leaving to support troops overseas for a year, I
was ready. Then a week ago I found out my surgery is in 2 weeks. My
husband has the leave to go home 10 days after my surgery, we are suposed
to move on base The beginning of Aug, and I am starting school on the 19 of
Aug. I also have a 5 yr old that I cant figure out which school she will
be attending till after we find out if we move on base or not.
What I am trying to get at is you have the wilpower to get this surgery,
and you technically wont be doing it all alone. You can do it. God has
definately challenged you for a reason, and if you are strong enough to
make the decision to have this surgery you are strong enough to do it no
matter what.
My next question is why cant you move too? It is after your surgery, you
could find a new provider in the area, or make the trips solo back and
forth wouldnt that be a lot easier? Good luck and please at least keep me
updated if not all the rest. God Bless and congrats on your date. ~Ang~
— angel_wls
June 26, 2002
Yes you can handle it! I handled it without any support from my husband.
You will do fine. You are so fortunate to have the supportive spouse.
Finally, after 10 months, mine is coming around. By the way, I have lost
125 pounds!
Enjoy every lost pound and inch! Good luck!
— MARSHA D.
June 26, 2002
Hi Jennifer. I don't want to scare you but I will tell you MY experience. I
had my surgery back in January. My husband took 2 weeks vacation to be home
with me. My surgery went well and I felt pretty good when I got to go home.
(I had Lap RNY) BUT, a few days later I was back in the hospital with
pneumonia and an infection which produced a very large pocket of puss
between my diaphragm and left lung. Very painfull to say the least. I spent
the next 3 weeks in the hospital on very large doses of antibiotics. When I
finally came home, I was so weak, there wasn't a whole lot I could do for
myself. My husband had to take all this time off from work to take care of
me. Although most of these surgeries are done with no complications, you
have to have a back up plan should there be complications. I don't think
anyone plans for complications, I know I didn't. So what I am saying is in
the event that something should happen, you need to make plans for someone
to help you out should your husband not be there to do so. Good luck to
you.
— Kim B.
June 26, 2002
If he doesn't have to go until after your surgery, why can't you go with
him? I would try to find someone in the new location to do your follow-up
care. It's a hard adjustment, and it would be easier for you if you were
together.
— mom2jtx3
June 27, 2002
I assume you are looking for opinions here, so here is mine... Ask your
husband to figure on spending the first night with you at the hospital
after surgery. Reasons? He can give you attention that the current
staffing of nurses doesn't allow for. Like swabbing your mouth with ice
water (you won't be able to drink, but your mouth and lips will be drier
than a desert). Cool washclothes on your head. Holding your hand.
Reminding you to wiggle your toes and cheer for your breathing exercises.
Tell you he's proud that you are doing this for your family's future... I
totally agree with the previous poster that suggested doing the surgery one
place and enlisting follow-up in the other place. If you HAD to, you could
do it without him. But do you HAVE to? I say, don't sacrifice getting the
surgery done, but (given your relationship with the man), having him around
will be beneficial to both the physical and emotional recovery. Not to
mention assisting with the kids, driving you to follow-ups, etc. Will you
let us know what you decide?
— Karen F.
June 27, 2002
I believe that a good support team at home is vital - I'm sorry you're
going through different issues & whatnot prior to your surgery but know
that too is quite normal ~ although all of our specific hurdles might not
be the same - they are still there just the same. As far as cooking &
whatnot immediately after surgery, I don't recommend it. I did fine with
not even wanting to eat for the first 5 or 6 days but on day 6, my sister
decided to grill some burgers on the pit for my family's dinner. It was
tough - real tough. I remember my feelings and mode of being somewhat
happy & upbeat went spiraling down into this really weird place. The
time after surgery should be for you to heal and give some time for you.
My husband and daughter either ate out so they wouldn't smell up the house
while I was on clear or full liquids part of the diet or they had
sandwiches and soup with me - something that wouldn't trigger that head
hunger deal in our bodies - it's too much in the beginning.
As far as him needing to be there for the first 6 months to a year - other
than the normal togetherness - I don't see the extra need, if that makes
sense. You'll start feeling back to normal, if everything goes without
complication, around weeks 4 - 8, each day getting a little bit better.
You'll get in the swing of things and your stomach will let you know,
without a shadow of a doubt, what you can or can not eat. It's a lot of
re-training, no doubt about it. I feel like I'm learning to eat all over
again.
I had a friend who prepared approximately 1 month of meals out prior to her
surgery. She normally does this anyway every 2 weeks for her family. She
goes to the store and buys up all the things she'll need after planning
meals out and all day, all she does is cook & freeze. Before her
surgery, she just added an extra 2 weeks worth of stuff. Her kids were
handled - spaghetti or chili or some sort of casseroles or the inside for
potato stuffing - all of that was just frozen and packed individually so
they could just pop it in the microwave - it works great for her year round
and it worked even better for after surgery because she wasn't having to
deal with it. There are websites upon websites on how to cook like this -
it was on Oprah or something where she first got the idea. If you need
more info on it, let me know and I'll email her to get the books &
whatnot that she uses. It's fun watching her buy 20 lbs. of potatos all at
one time - the store people think she has a restaurant. :)
Good luck to you - sounds like your husband will be a great support to you
no matter what so that's a plus in your direction already. Good luck
w/your move and getting started with new things all at one time - that's
how I like to do my transitions as well....get it over with rather than
piece by piece. :::Cheers to a new start, my friend:::
— Lisa J.
June 27, 2002
Lisa J. -- I would REALLY like the web site of where to get recipes for
freeze-and-thaw meals that you mention below. That would be too cool. I
tried to e-mail you, but my e-mail is getting stuck somewhere. THANK YOU!
— Karen F.
June 27, 2002
Thanks, everyone, for the thoughtful responses! It helps sooooooo much to
hear from people with experience. Just a bit of background for those that
were interested -- If we decide that my husband should take the job and
move after my surgery, I can't follow until next summer because I've
already signed a contract for my next year here. I could break it, but
have pretty strong ethical issues attached to that idea plus the whole
follow up care/support group plan for my health. I know I could transfer
that care to somewhere new, but I don't know how comfortable I am with that
idea.
I do feel better about being able to handle things (assuming no
complications!) on my own. There are so many things to think about beyond
surgery considerations, it will be a hard decision! At this moment, we're
leaning toward the separation....
— jen41766
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