Question:
Right now I am at the begining of my journey...I am waiting insurance approval & I am

really execited about this whole process! I have a very supportive husband & extended family. But I have a very close friend who shows NO exictement for me. If I even try to talk about it she changes the subject. She is smaller than me & all she talks about how she is losing weight & getting into all these smaller sizes... I think she is doing it on purpose. I was told maybe it was because as a "bigger" person I didn't threaten her? How or should I approach her about my feelings? She is begaining to push me away....    — Beth G. (posted on May 6, 2002)

May 6, 2002
I hear you and feel for you, believe me. My roommate is just like that. When I finally told her of my plans - and I basically had to since we live together - she was like "oh" and then launched into a story about her friend who had a mom, dad & uncle all have the surgery and now the uncle throws up all the time and wished he'd never done it. I asked how the mom & dad were and she said "oh, fine" and I just wondered why she was so determined to focus on the negative. As far as the clothes go... we went shopping for a new outfit for her (I hate shopping now - hope that will change) and she whispered to me that she thinks she may need (OMG, you might want to sit down before you read this....) a size 14. AHHH!!!! Well, how terrible for her. I just looked at her like, if you are so ashamed of a 14 then what do you think when you look at me? She must sit and wonder how I ever manage to get up the gumption to leave the house....
   — K. Joyce Smith

May 6, 2002
You know, I just launched into my own drama and pretty much forgot to respond to yours. Ooops! I'm really sorry. lol I would say the best thing to do is avoid the friends who are negative - or at least avoid this topic of conversation with them - and get the positive support of others in your life as much as possible. Good luck. :-)
   — K. Joyce Smith

May 6, 2002
Boy, I could have posted this question myself. I've always known that my best friend is very insecure about her appearance. I know that she thinks I am prettier than her, and it probably gave her solace to think that at least she was the thin one. I am pre-op as well, and my friend doesn't seem to like to talk to me about the surgery so much. She recently lost about 40 pounds on her own, and I can recall how fun it seemed to her to try on old clothes that didn't used to fit in front of me after she lost weight. I even remember one time that she accidentally grabbed my pants after swimming one day and made jokes in front of our friends about how huge they were- I think porbably our friends thought they were her dad's until I asked if I could have them back. Well, anyway, I don't have an answer for you, but I hope someone else does. I know that I have probably been someone who makes my friend feel secure about herself, and when I lose the weight, she will have issues. She flirts so much, and needs to have all the attention, and I am afraid our friendship will fall apart when she still thinks of me as "the pretty one", but she is not "the thin one" anymore.
   — Jennifer Y.

May 6, 2002
If I were you, I would try the Jedi Mind Trick. Next time it comes up, tell your friend how greatful you are for her support. Tell her how much it means to you that she is there for you and wants the best for you. You may even add that you know that she likes you for who you are and not because of what you look like. Remind her that you feel the same way about her. I haven't told my friends about WLS, but this approach has worked wonders on other issues. Once you thank someone for being helpful and kind, they usualy can't help being helpful and kind.
   — Amber L.

May 6, 2002
To me it sounds as if your friend is selfish, same as my best friend. My friend does the same thing when I tell her about exciting new things I learn about the surgery. She'll either have a reason to get off the phone or tell me something else about her. You know what I say to that? We don't need that. You say you have support with your husband and family so let that be your "support team". I've decided not to tell my friend anything else unless she asks. Then if she says why didn't you tell me ,I will simply say "Well you didn't seem to interested in MY LIFE CHANGING event and I needed to talk to someone that is behind me 100%!!!! If that doesn't make her think then she probably isn't REALLY your friend. Good Luck.
   — angela D.

May 7, 2002
I really sympathize with you. My best friend weighed about 150#'s less than I did before surgery. Now I weigh less than her. Now she has admitted that she sometimes feels left out because I have passed her weight wise but she also realizes the journey I have made(because she has been there for me every single step of the way). If she is indeed a close friend, you should be able to talk to her about how she is making you feel. If after you have talked to her and things do not improve, move on. She wasn't really that close of a friend to begin with.(my opinion of course)The best thing you can do for yourself is to ensure those closest to you are supportive. Post-op you will have so many other things to worry about that her actions(if they continue as they are) will seem too trivial for you to be concerned with! Best of luck to you.
   — Ginger J.

May 8, 2002
Hi everyone! I am the orginal poster... I just want to thank everyone for your input. It really has helped hearing all of your stories. I think I already knew the answer to my own question.. It just made me feel better to hear that others are or have went through what I am going through at this very moment. Again....thank you & keep them coming!
   — Beth G.

October 14, 2004
I started my journey on September 22nd, and received my first denial October 4th, and put in my appeal on October 12th. I have not told anyone of my decision, not my family, not even my best friend of 30 years. She has a weight problem too, but really isn't doing anything about it. I want to say something but I am scared to death that she will freak out. I would say she probably weighs as much as I do, but is about 3" shorter. So, for the time being, I just keep my mouth shut. I guess I want to have a date first before I say anything to anyone...
   — RhondaShoemaker