Question:
Does anyone's husband make fun of fat people?
I'm post op, and doing great, and have noticed that since my weight has gone way down my DH has started making fun of overweight people. he even moos at my old pics! When he does this about someone, I tell him that it used to be me, and that I still feel that way. I love this man with all my heart, but this really aggravates me. He would never say anyting out loud to anyone, but still....... — [Anonymous] (posted on November 28, 2001)
November 27, 2001
I've aften wished that people who make fun of people (for whatever reason)
end up like the people they make fun of.
Seems like it would only be fair. ;)
— Danmark
November 27, 2001
I've been reading and re-reading your question trying to figure out WHY
your husband would do this. The ONLY thing I can think of is MAYBE it is
HIS way of trying to make sure you don't get that big again. That's the
ONLY thing I could think of. I know that my husband has never ever said
anything bad about me. He is proud of me no matter what size I am. But when
I started researching this surgery and he read some of the posts and
profiles, and saw Carnie Wilson on TV he really began to see just what
"we" go through being fat. Physically, and emotionally. If
anything, he is even more compassionate now. Maybe your husband should sit
down and read some profiles. I, personally, think he is being very
insensitive and immature.
— Kim B.
November 28, 2001
Suggest going to a movie together and take him to see "Shallow
Hal". It's about a guy who "moos" at the obese, gets what's
coming to him, and falls in love with a fat girl in the process. I
laughed and cried. Great flick.
— Nancy G.
November 28, 2001
I don't know how to increase anyones level of empathy. I am sure your
husband must have some flaw. Does he have any idea how he would feel if
strangers or loved ones degraded him because of this. It sounds like he
missed and important lesson most of us learn in Kindergarten. I assume he
has some redeeming qualities since you love him and will learn the
"Golden Rule" in time. This world would be such a wonderful
world if we could all be tolerant and compassionate.
Good luck! Kathy
— kathleen S.
November 28, 2001
I'll tell you right now, I don't have an answer for you. But I am wondering
if this behavior just surfaced since you have lost your weight or did he do
it before and maybe you just didn't realize it. And if he just started this
- I would be asking him if he surpressed these comments when you were big
and what did he think about you then. When I was small(I have yo-yo'd big
time) I had a boyfriend who would always talk about how discusting fat
people were, how they smell and we know all rest. Anyway, I was not skinny,
but chunky. I would definately let him know how those comments offended me
- even if I wasn't morbidly obese - and I asked him if he would still love
me if I was that big. He said "yes, but I'll love you from afar"
well, I got my answer and he got his. But thats a different story. I have
found that people who make those types of comments usually talk about other
types of people too. They are also very insecure. I don't know where you
are in your surgery, but who knows, you may end up being smaller than him
(if you already aren't) and moo at him alittle bit or pick at some of his
insecurities alittle to let him know how it feels.
— K T.
November 28, 2001
daniel i love ur answer! i have felt that way all my obese life. now when
someone asks me (very few do) why i want to 'do this to myself' i tell them
exactly what u said 'i wish u could be me for just 1 day & u wouldnt
ask me that question!'
— sheryl titone
November 28, 2001
*giggle* silly me, i hit send before i finished what i was saying. my honey
has NEVER complained about my weight in 35 years except to express his
worry about my health. in fact, just yesterday he told me...i still find u
so damn attractive!' **blush**
— sheryl titone
November 28, 2001
My father, who had a fat wife and a fat daughter, belittled fat people
harshly as long as I knew him. One of his favorite refrains was, "Fat
people have no character." Daddy's little girl never got to sit on
daddy's lap. On the street, my father publicly ridiculed fat women, whom
he called "cows," and when he mooed, it was audible by everyone
within a block. Yet my father lived and died fat himself.
— [Anonymous]
November 28, 2001
This may be a twisted kind of support. Your husband may be trying to say,
"See how unattractive you AREN'T? Fat people are awful, and you're
not fat." He may not even believe that fat people are awful. He's
set up two groups: them and you. They're awful, you're not. How is he at
giving you compliments? It's been my experience that (some) men have
trouble stating clear-cut compliments. Your husband's behavior might be
meant to be some sort of left-handed compliment.
— Roxanne M.
November 28, 2001
In my opinion you will never know exactly what he is thinking unless you
sit him down and put him on the spot. My father has always had things to
say about over weight people, and to his great surprise his daughter turned
out to be one. He even once fired me from the family business because he
said the public liked dealing with thin attractive women better. Never
mind I was the best employee he had. Oh, and guess what he is fat and has
been that way since about 25, and is now 56. My father honestly doesn't
see himself in the same light, and therefore thinks he can say what he
wants.
— MnShadows
November 29, 2001
My husband will talk about fat people and act like I'm not one!!! he will
say about how someone has a huge @ss or whatever..but all the while I'm
thinking...geesh I look at me I am huge too.but it really doesn't hurt my
feelings.I can'r wait to have this surgery so I won't be so self concious
anymore!
— KCAllen77
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