Question:
Does anyone feel unsatified of what they are turning out to look like?
I am pretty sure I am expiriencing Body Dysmorphia at it's highest level. I mean when I was heavier, I guess I felt it was natural for me to feel this way about myself- as I was fat, uncomfortable and it all made sense. Now that I am thinner (but not as thinner as I would like) I still find myself cringing at EVERY picture, and avoiding clothing that may show my weight. I understand it is all very petty of me, and the main reason I did this was for my health- but I have to be honest and say I still have these issues of not being "pretty" - and it makes me very depressed. I guess I thought after I lost the weight I would be pretty, and basically, I am not. Perhaps I just take horrid pictures and should avoid the camera, but then I think the camera doesn't lie, and you still are not acceptable. I am not expecting to be Cindy Crawford, but I do expect to be "normal" and I think in my brain, I am having difficulties achieving that. Body Dysmorphia is described as this: BDD is a distressing body image condition that involves excessive preoccupation with physical appearance in a 'normal' appearing person. This condition is often associated with intrusive thoughts of body dissatisfaction, avoidance of exposure to body images situations, such as mirrors in public places, and excessive body checking and comparisons with others. Thus, in its extreme form it can be quite debilitating and cause a great deal of anxiety and dis-satisfaction. I was wondering if any one else is dealing with this issue? If so, can I get some advice from you? Please be gentle, as I am only being honest...... — Karen R. (posted on June 23, 2001)
June 23, 2001
I can't think of a time I have been happy with my body or looks. Even when
I got down to my all-time adult low weight of 155. I still thought I was
gross. Now I WISH I weighed 155.
One thing that has been suggested to me is to islote things about my
"looks" that I can admire...my eyes, hair, nose, whatever.
Strange as it sounds, I have really pretty feet - so I get a pedicure every
couple of weeks to take care of them. Start with ONE thing you like about
you.... We're all beautiful in our own way!
— blee01
June 23, 2001
how about a "make over". Like Glamour Shots/ dept. store
make-up counter. Maybe this would help you some of those
before/after pics. are incredible!!
— Cindee A.
June 23, 2001
Karen, you have felt so bad about yourself for so long it is hard to change
your way of thinking. you are probably looking at yourself in the mirror
and seing the same thing. I have looked at your picture and you are a very
beautiful woman. When i feel like i am just ugly i often go get my hair
done. I had a haircut like yours in the picture and the beautician
recomenned not to have it one length and bring the sides up a bit closer to
the ear, it made my face look so much thinner! here i thought the long hair
was doing that but it didn't. Point is make a change you can see, maybe it
will finally make you see the beauty you have. There are also medications
you can get that help with the problem you have, along with couceling it
can be very effective. Just remember god made you in the unique way he
wanted to and everything he makes is beautiful : )
— paula B.
June 23, 2001
I am certainly not satisfied with my body, although I don't think I'm
obsessed about it, I do think about it...a lot! I have found that I
actually feel better about pictures than looking in the mirror. All I can
see in the mirror are the flaws and flab. My favorite way to fight the bad
body image is to look at my one year before and after. Picks me up and
makes me feel good every time! - Kate -
— kateseidel
June 23, 2001
I completely agree with a previous post which said that we have, for so
long, lived with thinking that we are far from perfect, that I think we
will never be satisfied with what we look like. I think before surgery,
some of us just want to believe that we will be beautiful once again
because we lost weight. I guess I thought that I would once again be as
pretty as I was at 21 when I weighed 120. Well, I got down to 112 and
looked in the mirror and there was a different person....HELLO BARBARA!
You are now 20 years older and things start to sag. Guess I just didnt'
count on that. I knew what I wanted to look like and it just didn't
compare with what I really DO look like. I had to start looking in the
mirror every day and accepting that what I do look like now is okay. That
it's me and that no one else looks like me. I am special in many ways and
I had to convince myself of this. I also had to convince myself that my
looks are not a very big part of who I am anymore. I fit in now....I am
"normal". not gorgeous but normal. That's okay with me now
because at least I don't draw attention to myself by being overwieght. I
sincerely hope, that there are times, maybe not many but times nontheless,
when you look at yourself and say, "hey I look pretty good".
Keep those times in your heart and know that other people think you are
much prettier and lovely than you personally think you are. It's all in
your mind and this too will pass with time once you get used to your body
again. I wish you all the beauty that life brings and please know that the
beauty inside you is so much more important in the end.
— Barbara H.
June 23, 2001
I am pre op and a guy but am worried about what I will look like once the
weight is off. Its wierd my entire identity is FAT, I describe myself as
the big fat guy etc.
I had a BAD time with this when I truly decided to have surgery, but lately
I am more concerned with getting insurance approval, surviving surgery, and
post op complications.
I have a big chest and used to be highly embarassed in high school when
girls said my chest was bigger than theirs.
I wonder how much excess skin I will have.
Oh well its better than diabetic complications....
— bob-haller
June 23, 2001
I truly appreciate all of your replies & advice.. I wasn't trying for
compliments, but you are very kind. Some were even kind to e-mail me
personally. I do think it is time for some counseling, as when I am
feeling rational, I know everything that you say is true! Still, on low
days, I feel hideous.
I've always liked myself- and I take good care of myself as far as
pampering goes, as for my personality I am happy with "me" and I
do have some pretty nice feet too :)- it's the rest of the stuff that is
attached to them I'm insecure with :). I know beauty is only skin deep,
and I don't really think about what OTHERS think of me, just what I think
about me is what everyone else must feel too.. That I will never satisfy
MYSELF, therefore the rest of the world won't be impressed either. I know
my husband loves me for who I am, big or small, same with fam &
friends... I'm just to the point that I am just tired of always having some
"issue" with myself, be it PCOS, Obesity or now this Dysmorphia
crap... when can I drop the baggage and board the plane?
I am glad (well, not glad for our sakes) but relieved to find that I am nor
alone in this mind frame I am in, that others who have lost weight are
dealing with this as well. It makes me feel "normal"... as much
as it can.
Thank YOU!
— Karen R.
June 24, 2001
You were born a woman? You will never be satisfied with how you look. I
think it's in our genes for one thing, but for sure, it is in our culture.
I was looking through some late 60's magazines, teen & adult, that I
found when my mom died. There was the suggestion woven throughout, in real
articles or in "ads" that whatever we are is not good enough.
They showed, for example, a Marilyn Monroe figure in silouhette, as the
before, but a TWiggy figure as after. (using the miracle product for 9.95)
Now, Twiggy always felt bad that she didn't have as much chest as MM. So,
there we do. The epitome of perfection is flawed because it isn't this
other perfection which is flawed because it isn't this other perfection,
etc, ad nauseum. And then on top of that whole mess for someone with
"normal" figure issues, we weren't even close to normal!
Personally, I have now been at my idea wt LONGER than I was morbid. Mind
boggling, huh? But I was always heavy, just not morbid. I don't see
myself as morbid, or even just pre-morbid. But if you had enough time, I
can certainly list a HUGE pile of flaws if you stand there & let me do
it. And that's AFTER the plastics that I did. If I had money and time and
the inclination, I suspect that the plastics could never end for some of
us. I'm far enough out that I'd want to start doing them over & over.
HOWEVER, not going there. As Barbara said, I am not 20, nor am I 30. I am
over 50 and it's OK to be my age. I'm not wild about it, but there it is.
I can tweak until I eventually lose at the Russian Roulette of continuous
surgery OR I can stop now, be thankful I got close to the figure of my
dreams and quit picking myself to death. Some days I must grab my by the
scruff of the neck and say, "JUST STOP." This is good enough.
This is pretty darned good for an old bat suffering from the permanent
disease of morbid obesity. Whew. I have to slap me around more some days
than others. I don't think any woman raised in this environment today will
ever be 100% satisfied. We are taught that we are never good enough by a
greedy diet industry and beauty industry, and it starts early. I know I
cannot overcome all that training, but I can win a day here, a day there,
and just be so very grateful that I am alive & healthy and that I can
pass for normal in a crowd. It is still a thrill to be able to walk
through the mall (at all!) and have people NOT turn and stare at me.
— vitalady
June 25, 2001
Thank you for this! I appreciate your advice. It's common to think
"get a haircut" or try some new make-up... thing is that I have
bought every beauty product there is, it's not products or hairdresser that
I need to deal with, it's me!
I am for the majority of time a very anti-establishment, authority,
advertisements etc. person. So when I look at a model, I don't desire to
be her- (except fo rthe cash she's making) as I know she is the 1% of women
in this world- and it is purely unabtainable. Fashion may want to dictate
it to me, but I don't believe that bull&^%- I usually do the opposite
of what is dictated- within the law!
I may look at one part of her (ie her hair, her lipstick) and like it and
try and duplicate it, but I think every one does that. I ideas of what I
want to be, and wear and it's not all skin & bones, it's probably just
someone with a bit of natural beauty, someone sassy. Some days I feel
great & sexy, then if I catch myself in a pix I don't like or in the
mirror looking somehow not what I had in my own mind of how I looked, I get
very depressed... and ask myself, how could you think of yourself as
anything other than "this" yuck....
It is sad that it affects my entire day. And, it's not always my whole
body... just whatever is not up to my standard for the day. Still, I have
a lot to be thankful for with this surgery, and I just need to focus on
that. I am still in the "I don't fit in" mode on 60% of days and
on other days, I feel great. I know, I am a freak!! But, I am glad you
have all responded.
PS- My picture is 2 years old!
KR
— Karen R.
June 25, 2001
Karen, I relate completely!!! I have not lost a single pound in 3 months
now and am still above 200. Yes, it beats 355, but I am not at my personal
goal yet. My body has been ravaged by morbid obesity - I have excess skin
everywhere, and my plastic surgeon says it weighs at least half of the
remaining 35 lbs I want to lose (my goal is 175). My plastic surgeon told
me to have realistic expectations at the outcome of my reconstructive
surgeries. You know what? I said <b>EXACTLY</b> what you said
about not expecting to look like Cindy Crawford, just normal and
proportionate. I do not think you suffer from BDD. I watched a special
about it on Discovery because I thought I had it. The people they showed
had EXTREME obsessions, to the point it controlled their lives in a
debilitating manner - they couldn't work, didn't socialize, didn't do
anything in the house. I have returned to counseling and my therapist says
I suffer from Adjustment Disorder. Some other issues combined with
learning to live in a smaller body. I constantly ask my friends to point
people out who I am similar in size to, because I can't see my progress
unless I look at the pictures. I'm smaller and healthier than I have been
in 10 years, yet I am still not dating after the death of my husband three
years ago. I don't get it. Why not? If I look better and feel better,
then why aren't I being asked out?<br><br>I attended a wedding
this past weekend and saw friends I hadn't seen in over 10 years. Some of
them told me I am smaller now than in college. I weigh more, but I guess
my body has changed from pregnancies and morbid obesity. It was
flattering, but I still don't see it. I'm going to work with my therapist
on these issues. I need to find myself first - who I am and what I want -
and the rest will fall in place. If I don't lose another pound past my
reconstructive surgeries, I must accept it. It's a difficult road, but I'd
love to keep in touch if you want to. We need support! Best wishes,
— [Deactivated Member]
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