Question:
depression

Please help me! I'm 9 weeks post op and I'm so depressed. Everyone tells me that it gets better with time, but I'm getting worse with time. I miss eatting out with my husband and I am afraid to go to parties where there is food and drinks. I miss these things so much. I miss the social aspects of eating. Please tell me it gets better. I'm so depressed and can't go on like this. I had surgery to look more like the crowd and now I only feel isolated.    — melissa J. (posted on December 2, 2000)

December 2, 2000
Melissa, I was unable to eat ANY food for three months postop. Surely you can find a way to go out with your husband and socialize. The mind hunger is the worst thing, (wanting things in your head) but I found that even when I went ahead and tried to eat those things, I didn't really want them, or they didn't taste good to me any longer. If you are able to eat some things that are served, take just a very small amount of each thing, have a glass of water with a slice of lemon or lime in it, or maybe a glass of juice with water added to it. You can have a snack cracker or two, just watch the sugar and fat items. Nibble on cheese, that is almost always served at get-togethers. Don't let it get you down. I am 10 months out, 110 pounds down, and there are still things I am unable to eat (like chicken) sometimes I can keep it down, other times it is going to come back up, and of course, my surgeon doesn't allow us to eat beef or pork until one year out. Can you believe how much I'm dying for a hamburger or steak?? But I already know that when I finally am able to eat it, it won't taste nearly as good (and I'm glad because regular food has always been my problem, not sweets). It really will get better for you, just as it is getting better for me and will continue doing so. Try not to dwell on what you CAN'T eat and do, and think of how wonderful it will be to watch yourself become smaller and smaller, picture yourself slim and trim at the next holiday season because you surely will be. Holiday time is always a bad time for depression; try to be active and keep your mind occupied. Go to the mall and pick an angel off the Salvation Army tree and shop for someone less fortunate, it will make you feel really good and it's hard to be depressed about one thing when you feel so good about another. Merry Christmas, much love from a fellow WLS celebrant, and keep your chin up, life really is beautiful!!
   — Connie G.

December 2, 2000
It is very common to have post-op depression. Your body is in a major change which includes big changes in hormones. It is very much like the depression women get after having a baby. These other issues of post-op life are bad enough, but if you are suffering from depression, they will be magnified and seem all the more terrible. If your depression is getting worse instead of better, I would encourage you to talk to your primary doctor about it and maybe try taking an anti-depressant medication. It won't take away your problems, but it will give you more mental strength to deal with them. Also, are you having big problems eating? At nine weeks post-op I think I could eat enough normal foods to be able to get by in a restaurant or social gathering. If you are having a lot of trouble eating solid foods, you should talk to your surgeon about it because that is not normal. If you are just worried about what "might happen", try going out with your husband alone a couple times, and just nibble a few bites off of his plate, or order soup for yourself. Once you try it with just the two of you, then it won't seem so scary any more. Good Luck!
   — Lynn K.

December 2, 2000
I have probably cooked 20 meals at home in the last 2 years. We are out constantly. And yes, socials DO congregate around food. We thought it was a sickness for us, but LO! look around you and that's just The Way It's Done. My husband & I are 5 & 6 yrs post-op and still go to potlucks and buffets and eat fast food and nice restaurants... There are really no limits except on your volume. I usually drink a protein drink before I go to some place where I know there will be scads of high sugar items. I know I've got my protein well covered, helps knock the cravings down to 0, and it takes the edge of my hunger so I can push food around on my plate. There are all kinds of tricks to enjoying your food, yet looking normal, too. You'll get the hang of it. Give yourself a chance to heal and find foods you know will be steady for you. But it won't be long. Another couple of weeks and you'll be able to eat some cheese & meat & a cracker, maybe some fresh veggies & dip, spread 'em around your plate, talk more, eat less. No one will know but you.
   — vitalady

December 2, 2000
Melissa, IT GETS BETTER!!! Like the previous posts, I can eat whatever I choose to eat (I usually choose NOT to eat sugar and the like, but I can if I want to). Social gatherings are much more enjoyable now because I don't have to worry about how much I am eating. I pick a few things and nibble- BUT I thoroughly enjoy the talking (without food in my mouth:)! DOn't worry, you will get the hang of it and it will become 2nd nature. Hang in there!
   — M B.

December 2, 2000
Boy can I relate to this question! I was 17 days post op when we went to a baseball game for our 23rd wedding anniversary (since we couldn't do the usual going out to eat thing). I was SO miserable because EVERYONE was eating around me ALL the time that I couldn't even enjoy the game. But, like the other posts have said, it does get better. We go out to eat to most of the same places as before, only now I order a child's plate, off the side menu (like a single egg) or share with my husband. I'm still new enough at this that I am amazed at how much people eat and having a hard time accepting that I used to do the same thing!
   — georgiacarol

January 1, 2001
Melissa, It's been about a month and want to see how your doing... I can relate to the depression. After surgery, I was fine, just glad it was over but at about 2 months, I went through this "what have I done to myself" thing. I have been loosing weight steadily and for some reason, missed the "old me", the one who ate what she wanted, when she wanted. I found that by coming into this sight frequently helped remind me of what I did this for, I did it for me, I want to be healthy, I did it for my kids, I want to be an old grandmother, not die before my time. Reading the message board helped me to start enjoying the new person I have become. I'm only 3 months post op now but those couple of weeks I went through a depression were horrible. Don't loose faith... keep checking in with everyone to help reinforce your decision to better yourself. For me, I try to check in at least once if not twice a week and i feel so much better after I do. Good Luck to you and have a Healthy, Happy 2001!
   — Mary A.