Question:
WHY!!! Do people think just cause you had surgery the weight will just

I have a very good support group in my home town. They changed the rules the begining of this year and I could join with all my friends. You can join now with wls. Well rumor has it a group of people want it changed back!!!! Hey we don't want the little prizes for best losers you can have them. All we want is our health back!!! Sorry for venting but IT'S NOT easy just cause you had wls! We still have to move,diet,measure etc.    — Theresa B. (posted on September 19, 2000)

September 19, 2000
Dear Theresa: Although I have unconditional support and have not heard any negative comments, I understand exactly how you feel. I was just telling my mom the other day that WLS was very much like any other diet I've been on. I have to watch WHAT I eat, HOW MUCH I eat, HOW OFTEN I eat, exercise, drink lots of water, count protien and fat grams, etc. etc. etc. However, WLS takes away the hunger, the cravings, the self-defeating behavior and gives us hope, optimism, proven and long-term success stories and the knowledge that WE WILL SUCCEED! We are more educated about dieting and nutrition, we know we can survive the plateaus, we know that the weight will steadily fall off with a minimum amount of PAIN...but this still isn't to say that there isn't any WORK involved. I am so sorry that in your efforts to find a support network that knows how you've lived like 'one of them', cannot find it in their hearts to offer the same compassion they expect, no matter what tool you choose to accomplish the same goal as them. But, you always have us...we will be there.
   — Allie B.

September 19, 2000
Hang in there. I think jealousy is the operative word here. So few people actually understand this procedure and are so ignorant about it. You're right, we don't wake up looking like supermodels and we still need to learn good eating habits otherwise we kill the tool that has been given to us. The best thing I can think of is to ask permission to address the group. Let them know that you took the steps you did because that was the best thing for you and your health. And your decision does not belittle their choice to do what they need to do for themselves. Just because people make different choices, it doesn't mean they are all wrong. Let them know that you are working with a tool and need to know how to use it properly and that a TOPS support group can help you in this endeavor. If that doesn't work, then seek support elsewhere. You don't need to put up with pettiness, jealousy and ignorance. Does your surgeon have a support group or nutritionist? Good luck!
   — Paula G.

September 19, 2000
It's too bad you aren't getting the support you need, but the fact is, most of the folks there are probably trying to lose weight by willpower alone. Whether they admit it or not, they will most likely fail to lose weight and keep it off, and you will most likely succeed. I'm sure they don't want to have to face that reality every time they show up for the support group. I think you may have to join another group or start your own support group for WLS people. Good Luck!
   — Lynn K.

September 19, 2000
Hi Theresa. While I can truely understand your frustration with this support group, I can almost understand where they are coming from too. Please hear me out. For several years before my wls, I was a member of a support group that offered prizes and recognition for the best (weekly/monthly/etc...)weight loss at their local and/or regional or national meetings. And I thrived on them. Competition was really good for me and I lost weight. I lost alot of weight...nearly 100# in a year. Granted sometimes during that time, it was the same 10 lbs over and over again, but those stupid prizes and that recognition really helped me to stay focused and motivated. During that time in my life, weight loss surgery was simply not an option for me, financially or otherwise. Participation in this support group was the only way I had to lose the weight. And I used it to the very best advantage that I could. If someone had come into my group who'd had wls at that time, I would had lost some of my motivation because people DO have the misconception that the weight WILL just fall off because of the surgery. (Heck, we even had that misconception at first. How many postings have you read asking..."I've only lost 35# last month, is that too slow"...or, "my weight loss has slowed down. I only lost 80# since my surgery 6 months ago"...) And you have to admit, that even tho' we know NOW, that even with wls, we still have to diet and exercise in order to lose the weight, it IS easier to actually lose the weight than it was before our wls. One of the main reasons that we chose wls was BECAUSE the other methods (ie...even prizes and recognition) DIDN'T WORK the way we wanted or needed them to. People do get jealous, that's true. And while they may be happy that you've found a method that works for you, they may not be in a postion financially or emotionally to choose the same method for themselves. This method may be all they have right now. Your participation may be "defeating" to them. And even tho' we here at obesityhelp.com understand and appreciate how much "work" we still have to do to lose the weight, THEY don't see it that way. You may need their understanding and support, Theresa, but they need yours too. I really liked the suggestion that you address your group and explain how wls works, why you chose to have it and WHY you still need their support. Consider voluntarily removing yourself from the contests and recognition format. Support THEM as much as you can too...applaud and cheer every 1/2# loss that they have as loudly and as sincerely as it was your own. Education is the key here. We're all in this battle together. The objective is to support one another no matter what method we choose, because only WE can understand the heartache and pain of each other's morbid obesity and how frustrating it is to stay within that prision year after year. But we have a "hope" now that they don't have because of our wls. Maybe being a part of this support group can still help. But if your participation in the group is undermining someone else's "hope", as well as frustrating you so much, maybe it's not right for you afterall. Continued good luck with your weight loss and God bless. cj
   — cj T.

September 19, 2000
So many of these support groups out there are primarily supporting efforts to loose weight. After Weight Loss Surgery I don't think that that is truly the kind of support we need. I would highly recommend to everyone that you attend an Overeater Anonymous meeting (OA) This is not a diet club or weight loss support group. I t is a group of people trying to gain control over their behavior, not the food. I think that you would find much more support for your purposes at an OA meeting. It keeps the focus on me, not the group. I was the most resistent person and refused to even consider OA until I finally was backed up to the wall 3 years ago. Since then I have transformed my thinking and even though I still continued to eat huge quantities of food, I finally knew what was going on. Now, 8 months post op I find that I still crave some foods, still at times miss the eating and know that it is my mind that will need tweaking. Please everyone, consider OA. I didn't get to be 375 pounds by eating healthy normal size portions of food. I got there because I ate like a pig and wouldn't stop, eat, eat,eat, stuff, stuff, stuff. That is the reality of my obesity-no excuses, just explanations. How a person gets the weight off is not an issue, it is the mental behavior which guides our outward actions and that includes healthy choices in line with the type of surgery each of us has chosen. Good luck to all.
   — Fran B.