Question:
My Co Workers Are Nurses and Most Do Not Support My Decision To Pursue WLS
I am pursuing approval through my insurance company to have this surgery and I am eager to have it done. I'm 320 lbs and have been debilitatingly heavy for too, too long. I have diabetes, increasing BP and a host of other problems. I work in an office full of nurses and most have a hard time understanding why I am resorting to 'something so drastic' as a gastric bypass. HOW can I explain to them why this is the answer for ME? I really expected they would be the most understanding, given their education, but they are the LEAST supportive of all, and they think I'm nuts for doing this. How can I explain my reasons in the face of their skepticism? — Michelle F. (posted on August 26, 2000)
August 26, 2000
I also work in an office full of nurses, but unlike you
everyone that I have told has been very supportive and has
not acted like I am taking the easy way out. Explain to the ones
that you work with that you have tried other ways, but it has
not worked for you. If they don't understand at least they are
supportive. Let me know how it goes. Do you have a surgery date
yet? Teresa in KY
— Teresa D.
August 26, 2000
I am so sorry that you're having a hard time with your co-workers, but not
at all surprised. Unfortunately many of us have found firsthand how
ignorant the medical profession can be regarding WLS (including our own
doctors). And it stems from society's view in general that obese people
are undisciplined, fat, lazy, and undeserving of what's best because we
"stuff our faces" and "do it to ourselves". People in
the medical profession are not immune to this ignorance. While I
understand that you want to make your co-workers understand WLS, to be
honest, I would not waste a great deal of time and effort on it. While it
is good to have support from family, friends and co-workers, it is not
necessary in order for you to carry out your desire to be a healthier and
happier you. YOU know what's best for you - not your co-workers. There
are numerous articles available that you can provide, but don't spend a lot
of energy trying to convince THEM that YOU are making the right decision.
Once the weight starts coming off and your health issues begin to
disappear, they will ALL come on board. If you needed a cancer treatment
in order to continue living, would they tell you not to do it? If you
needed a heart transplant, would they tell you not to get one? If you were
in an accident and needed life saving ER treatment, would they say no? I
am guessing the answers to all of these questions is no. They would
support you 100% and wish you the very best. WLS is NO different. Too
drastic???? Too drastic compared to what - dying of a heart attack in your
sleep? Ending up in a wheel chair because your joint pain is so bad and
you cannot carry your weight? Dying of high blood pressure or diabetes?
You need to put it to them in those terms. Make sure they fully understand
that while you would like their support, it is YOUR decision about YOUR
body. I had my WLS on May 10. I am 36 years old, 5 feet tall and started
out at 298 pounds. I was tired of always being sick and tired and having
more and more health problems. Now 3 months post op, I have lost 65
pounds, no longer use my CPAP machine, no longer take ANY high blood
pressure or diabetes meds, and I feel wonderful. (And I look damn good, if
I do say so myself.) Still a long way from goal, but it's a reality right
around the corner. I have no regrets. I took control of my health and
happiness, and those around me who love and care for me support my
decision. Hang in there. Your skeptics won't have much to say after the
surgery. Smiles and hugs.
— Paula G.
August 26, 2000
You do not have to explain anything to any of them. This makes me so
mad!!!! I have been in health care for 14 years and it never ceases to
amaze, we finally get enough gumption to do something for ourselves and
people want to act so concerened. Where were they when we were battling
this problem for years. You know as wel as I do we in Health Care usually
have the sickest families and we ourselves get swept under a rug. We are
so busy taking care of others we forget ourselves, I suggest you do what
is best with you and if you get any snide remarks tell them to save them
for someone else you are on a mission and do not have time to be
discouraged. You will do wonderful, Just Go For What You Know, which is
how to save lives now save YOURS....my email is [email protected]
— emma lavonne G.
August 26, 2000
Well first of all are they skinny? I am a Nurse who also works in a office
of Nurses who dont understand. I think it is the stigma of stomach
stapling. You automatically think of dying alot of people apparently use to
die. I just tell the other Nurses I am doing it for self esteem and my
Health please support me on this. I have fought for years and this is only
a tool to give me a jump start to a new life. I will die at a early age if
I dont do something and I feel this is the best. If they are Professionals
they should understand. Good Luck.
— kcraig
August 26, 2000
Just because they are nurses, doesn't mean that they were trained in
bariatic surgery. It is not taught much in nursing school. I too, am a
nurse and did all of my own research of WLS. I bet if you quized them on
what they know about it...YOU know more than they do. You have living proof
here, of all of us, where do they get their facts?
— ZZ S.
August 26, 2000
I am a nurse and prior to researching WLS on my own, I was never taught
anything about bariactric surgery. You might say I was
"ignorant" to the subject, just as I suspect the ones in your
office are. Back 30 years ago or so, people died from this surgery, but
all the research I've done reveals that the doctors have almost perfected
it. Of course, it is not with risks, as is any surgery. But the way I
feel is the benefits outweigh the risks by far. You do what you feel is
right for you, my friend. There will be lots of skeptics along the
way....trust me, I think I've met everyone of them! LOL. Good luck!
— Phyllis C.
August 26, 2000
Hi, like Paula said, even DOCTORS can be ignorant about this procedure! My
PCP is not supportive at all, now she wants me to try acupuncture! It
isn't because she is mean, she just isn't informed. The prejudices are
there because of the past failure stories everyone has heard. It is more
interesting to talk about the negative, so that's all they have heard.
They can't help it and do it from ignorance so I agree, just don't waste a
lot of energy. The proof will be in the pudding, good luck and hope to be
with you on the other side soon! Love,
— Tina C.
August 26, 2000
I work in a large PICU with a staff of 90 other RNs. I decided to be open
and honest with my co-workers about my leave. I started out by telling
them that now I was going to do something for "ME" and I decided
to have WLS. Everyone was shocked and a few said "you're not that
heavy". I came back with my BMI and informed them that anything over
35 was MORBITLY OBESE! I also explained that my husband had surgery 8mo.
prior and lost 150 lbs. Everyone I personnally talked to was very
supportive. I agree that a lot has to do with the ignoracne concerning
this type of surgery. I knew in my heart that I was not going to try
another diet because I was a diet failure for the past 35 years. Now that
I'm 10 weeks post-op and have lost weight and inches they are amazed and I
feel great. I can't tell you how many have asked for more information
regarding surgery for themself or a loved one. I told my surgeon that I
should get a referal fee!
— Sandy W.
August 26, 2000
I, too, am a registered nurse and found the most resistence and stubborn
ignorance from doctors and nurses. Many were just too arrogant or uppity to
even listen to what I had to say. Needless to say this was a very sad
commentary about a group of professionals who are crucial to surgical
management. I would like to say that many of the responses to your question
are right on target. I am going to add a few comments I used to clarify my
own interactions. If I went to a doctor for a check up or pre operative
clearance, I brought a picture and a brief explanation of the type of
surgery I was going to have. They may be doctors and nurses but they are
busy, don't have time for lengthy explanations, and I treated the
appointment like I would deal with children, pictures and simple. I told
them all that I had done extensive research and I would be willing to share
my information with them if they would like to know more. It also helps to
humble yourself and (yuk) play up to their egos. In other words, I would
say something like, "I come to you for treatment of my (Blank) because
you are an expert in this field of medicine. Can you imagine in 1999
treating patients with the same knowledge, medications, or technology that
was used 25 years ago? Thank goodness you have changed with the medical
advances in your field. It used to be very dangerous to have transplant
surgeries, or cesarean sections, or cardiac bypass, or whatever. Now today,
these operations are so routine that it belies their seriousness. It is
the same way with surgery to help reduce weight and I am very excited at
the scientific studies and long term published follow up which
realistically shows surgical outcomes. I told them that I was a woman on a
mission, that noone, no way, no where, no how, was going to dissuade me
from this course of action and that I needed their clinical and practical
support to order the tests I needed. I didn't need their blessing or
opinion, just what I wanted and nothing more. If they won't help me get to
the end result, then don't waste my time or theirs and get out of my way!!
(smile) I found that when I went to the doctors with this empowered
attitude (not confrontational but motivated), I was treated totally
differently and several of my doctors said, "Now you don't think I
wouldn't help you, do you?" Duh, that is exactly what I thought
because when I mentioned wanting any kind of info about this mystery
surgery "out there" they treated me with disdain and suoeriority.
(Before I was whiney, whimpy, pathetic, poor me wah, wah, wah!!) But
anyway, I wasn't going to say that-I needed something from them and wasn't
above doing whatever it took to get it. I told these people that they were
negligent in not knowing about this surgery and making the option available
to their patients for the patients to choose. I also told them that I was
going to be their poster girl for this modern treatment and keep them
apprised of my progress. To date I have lost over 125 pounds in 7 months,
and the last time I went to several of these doctors I was removed form the
cPap machine (no more sleep apnea), oral medications (no more diabetes or
hypertension), no more therapy (issues resolving. "ing" I still
have to work on it!! though) and I can now be weighed on the office scale.
Plus more, too. The bottom line is that nobody can know everything, even
doctors and nurses. Remember the last time you asked the internist a
question about menopause, he said you would have to ask a gynecologist. Or
the problem with going to the bathroom, ok, get the referral to the
urologist, question about an x-ray, see the surgeon. This is practical
throw their own advice back into their court-they should get the message.
Good luck, actions do speak louder than words.
— Fran B.
August 27, 2000
Thank everyone for your responses -- I really appreciate it! I have
discovered that most do still consider gastric surgery as it was performed
10 or 20 years back, when there was the higher failure rate and more
complications. I am lucky; My primary MD is very supportive and
enthusiastic about this. I know I'm going to succeed with this. Thank you
all for your encouragement!
— Michelle F.
August 27, 2000
Michelle, These are your co-workers, not your family. I don't see why it is
so important to get them to understand what you are doing. I think all I
would say is I have researched all of my options and this is the best
choice for me. Then tell them you appreciate their concern and thank you
for that. I don't see any reason why you need to say anything more. If they
want info, why not give them some web sites where they can find out all
they'd like to.
People hassle us when we're fat, then try to dissuade us from doing
something positive to ourselves to change the situation. We can't please
everyone, so we have to do what we believe is best for ourselves.
— Denise K.
October 3, 2000
I am an RN with psych and medical-surgical exerience who plans to have an
RNY ASAP. If you'd like a nurse to vote for YOUR choice, you've got my
support. Remember you are the one who knows what you need, what it will
take to get there, and how important it is to you. I was prejudiced against
the surgery FOR MYSELF, not others, until I admitted I was going nowhere
but downhill, and decided to make my own decision about what was okay vs.
too drastic. Drastic circumstances require drastic measures!
— Jesse M.
February 8, 2001
I am an RN and that is sad. I told my supervisor of the surgery and she
was happy for me. I told one other co-worker and she was happy too. Thin
people can't understand this.
— mfrchico
July 16, 2001
I am truly sorry that these people are not only not encouraging, but
disparagaing. Sometimes it is hard to keep one's sights straight when
those around you attempt to snatch you from your goal. However, I wouldn't
bring them articles or information or explain your medical conditions or
whatever else in order to convince them. It really is none of their
business. I might say, "I'm truly disappointed that you can't support
me. It really would have helped. But, I'll manage to go on and get done
what I need to get done anyway." There are two things that come to
mind. The first is something somebody shared with me after participating
in one of my workshops: "what you think about me, is none of my
business" and the other is a quote from a famous rabbi of old,
"if I am not for myself, who will be for me? - if I am only for myself
whast am I? - if not now, when?" I think right now you need to focus
on the first and third parts of that quote. And, finally, find people who
can and do support you and interact with them. This website is a good
place to start and if your surgeon has meetings. If the surgeon doesn't
have meetings, perhaps you can get some names from the surgeon and begin to
have meetings yourself or at least find one or two people with whom you can
speak. the only one you owe explanatins to is yourself. Nobody else is
entitled.
— Nancy Z.
July 17, 2001
I too have diabetes, high blood pressure and am now at 285 lbs. and
considering this surgery. My PCP and his staff have been absolutely
wonderful, except for the one clerk who checks you out and makes your next
appointment----she announced to the entire waiting room that "anyone
considering WLS is totally nuts". I replied then Dr.---- must be
certifiably insane, and when she signs her name with the letters MD behind
it, I may give her opinion some creedance! What I'm finding is that most
people who have seen a diabetic or another person with a chronic illness
fight a daily battle, are very encouraging & supportive, everyone else
gives you the polite smile that tells you what they say is not what they
are thinking! I've found a support group for my surgeon, and other than
that, I'm not telling anyone else about my having surgery. It is very hard
for someone who does not have our health problems to understand that life
without them is such a gift, nor do they understand just how much needing
to add insulin to your daily regiem, (where I'll be in 3 months), is really
just another notch for the diabetes side of the battle!
— Sue F.
September 3, 2001
dear michelle
its sad when we look for support and get "slammed"
I spend all my spare time these days re searching how I can care for myself
before and after surgery. Items that will help me and others.
THIS IS NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION with co workers.
THIS IS BETWEEN ME , GOD, SURGEON, DOCTOR AND MY HUSBAND.
no body else gets a vote!!!!!!!!!!!
— Jackiis
September 3, 2001
I am a nurse and today is the day I began my research in prep for my own
surgery. It has been my experience that nurses in general are not the most
supportive co-workers, even the ones that are the very best and most
compassionate with their patients tend to be totally lacking when it comes
to friends and family. I once commented on this to a close friend who was a
physician and he said it is because we fight the losing battle with death
and suffering every day for strangers and we become outwardly hardened to
it but inside we hurt and we cannot accept the risk of acknowledging any
sickness in those we care for. We are afraid and cover it with false
bravado. I believe this is true, sometimes I see it in myself and I am not
pleased.
On a lighter note, if your co-workers are genetically thin they are also
genetically unable to comprehend any of the difficulties we face. Have you
not heard the line, "You can do it if you try" They have no idea
how hard and how often we have tried, suceeded for a while and then in the
end failed, and they will never know how hard that is and how lucky they
are. My pet peeve is weight control advice from people that have never been
more then 5 lbs overweight in their lives!!
— Chris V.
June 27, 2003
Your nurse coworkers are simply uninformed. It may turn out to be your job
to educated them. So do your research about the surgery and be ready to
answer questions. Don't let anyone discourage you! I am a registered nurse
and will be having surgery soon. I even work in surgery and have had other
nurses discourage me. The non overweight do not ubderstand and perhaps that
is the bottom line.
— cathy H.
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