Question:
well girls I need some advice. I've never dated because of weight and now I'm
loseing and need some advise on how to date men. I'm scared to death!!! I don't want hurt or rejected...my mind is racing so much because of past weight digs from people. Help — [Anonymous] (posted on August 22, 2000)
August 22, 2000
This is a huge question. I suggest you email some of us personally and give
us more info. How old are you? Ever been married? Have kids? How heavy are
you now? Is there a possible man in your life now? Many, many questions
need to answered in order to give you a proper answer!
The dating scene has changed quite a bit and you need some info to keep you
calm. The most important general advice I could give you is to enjoy
whoever you go out with and not expect that each date is going to be the
love of your life. You can pick and choose and now is the time to find a
soul mate and take your time.
Don't date anyone you are not comfortable with.
best of luck!!
— Marilyn M.
August 22, 2000
Well, I agree with the other poster. You definitely need to answer a few
questions before you get solid advice. However, I can tell you how this
surgery has changed my life. I was married when I decided to have the
surgery and I was in love with my husband. Then, I found out he was
cheating on me with another woman. So, I got rid of him (LOL) .. now that
I've lost 65 lbs., I've started to date again. I've changed my look
totally. I now have blonde hair (changed from brunette), drive a new
sports car, and I just seem to have more of a love life than I EVER did in
the past. I'm enjoying myself immensely. I agree with Marilyn that you
should not go out on every date thinking this will be the one. You should
take your time, enjoy yourself and be yourself. I am. In fact, I had a
date Friday night that definitely was not for me. But I had fun, then at
the end of the date, I was able to tell him honestly that I had fun, but he
and I just were not going to pursue a relationship. That's the FIRST time
I've ever had to do that. I didn't enjoy it much, because I didn't want to
hurt his feelings, but at least it wasn't me being given the brush off
(LOL). Anyway, if you ever want to ask more, please email me and I'll be
glad to help you if I can. GOOD LUCK! Isn't it great to even be
considering dating? Woooo hooo ...!!
— Sonya H.
August 22, 2000
Since you asked, I'll try to give you a few pointers. First of all, I was
never heavy until recent years so when I was single, I was never without
dates or dating possibilities. I'm married now, though, to a wonderful man
and have been for 21 years. Anyway, I suggest you pick up some books at
your local Christian bookstore on "courtship." These describe
very well the difference between dating and courtship - as courtship is for
the mature, those who are ready for marriage, and are for the purpose of
finding out if you have enough in common to marry. I think you'll find
better advise there than anywhere else. You need to value yourself and
your morals highly. Don't "settle" for someone. Don't date
anyone that you would never consider marrying. Be selective. Know
something about the person before you agree to go out with them. Go to
public places. Demand to be treated like a lady. If any 'red flags' come
up, RUN away! Keep you guard up because there are lots of weirdos and
freaks out there! Don't go on any blind dates. It is better to meet a man
in church than in a bar. Use your common sense. If you have any
questions, please email me. Best wishes.
— Cindy H.
August 22, 2000
Just be yourself. Don't take it too seriously too soon. There's a lot of
men you can meet through girlfriends or really anywhere. I'd take my time
and don't go on second dates unless you're happy with the person instead of
dread because that's no fun. The most attractive people are usually the
ones who like themselves first. Don't set yourself up for failure. If you
expect rejection you might get it. Play it cool and don't be overzealous.
It's just dating. The point is to enjoy yourself. Even if a guy is a
complete nerd, if that's what you like, then fine date him. Don't go after
a standard that someone else has set.
— [Deactivated Member]
August 22, 2000
To Cindy: At the risk of sounding antagonistic, I personally find your
assumption that we are all Christian to be a bit presumptious. I am not
Christian, perhaps the person who posted isn't Christian, I don't know.
Anyway, I just found that your post, although I know it was well-meaning,
was a little narrow for such a forum.
— Peggy G.
August 22, 2000
The truth is hurt and rejection are simply a part of the learning process
of relationships. But not in all situations
you just have to be carefull love yourself first, treat yourself good. Try
just making friendships first(Platonic).
You will know when it is right regardless to the religion or whatever....No
slam on religion! just truthfullness. I hope all future posts on this topic
focus on your question
and not take a new direction on it's own, I saw it comming
I just tried to keep the response simple, this site is about
WLS..................Hope I did not offend anyone.
— Tamaria W.
August 22, 2000
There has been some great advice posted here, if only the men were reading
it too! lol :)) Seriously, though ... I have to disagree with the advice
that was given earlier about "courting vs. dating". By going
into every relationship looking for marriage is going to cause you to miss
out on a lot of FUN!! There are a lot of guys out there that you wouldn't
marry - for any number of reasons - but that you can go out and enjoy
yourself with. The point of dating does not have to be marriage, it can be
to meet new people and enlarge your circle of friends. You need to decide
for yourself what you are looking for in a relationship. That way, when a
guy who can fulfill that need comes along, you'll be ready. Take all of
our "advice", read it, consider it, and then do what you feel in
your heart is right because you are the only one who knows what you need.
You can't go wrong if you stick to your own values and goals.
— Terry M.
August 22, 2000
I went out with a guy once who told me, "Well, you have three out of
four, and I think you know what the fourth is". He said I was pretty,
fun and sexy...but it was the weight. He wasn't mean about it. I didn't
let this define me. It didn't hurt my feelings. This was reality. As it
turned out, he was an alcoholic and we didn't share the same theology, so I
am very happy that I didn't get steeped in an unwanted relationship. There
is a reason and a person for everyone. Rejection is part of the game and
it won't mean anymore or less if you are rejected for your weight,
religion, hair or eye color. This is how animals mate - always looking for
the biggest or brightest feathers. The most important thing here is to
have confidence, self-love and a good time. And if you are rejected, or
have to rejected, you need to have a personal faith that there is a very
good reason and move on.
— Allie B.
August 23, 2000
The truth is you have to be very careful dating in today's society
<b><u>PERIOD</u></b>. And it doesn't matter where
you meet them. First, work on being happy with yourself. Your body image,
your home life, etc. Then, know you are worthy and don't settle for less
than the characteristics you want in another person. The advice below is
great - just be casual. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Best
wishes!
— [Deactivated Member]
April 16, 2001
I am 33 years old and single, and although I dated while overweight, now I
CONSTANTLY meet men! My advice is to enjoy the attention and getting to
know men, but remember your first priority is YOURSELF! I am trying to be
healthy and happy with myself first and foremost. I do have a problem when
I date guys, wondering if they really like me for who I am,or if they just
think I'm good looking and want to jump in bed with me. Just be careful, be
selective, and have a good time!!! This is a learning process, and both the
weight loss, the change in lifestyle, and the emotional ups and downs will
take time to deal with.
— superdream
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