Question:
How do you suggest wls to others without offending them

I left a previous note called friends and relatives and it was mistakenly thought to be regarding how to tell others about my own wls. Sorry for the mixup folks. I was wondering how you can suggest it to others that may want to give it a try without offending or embarassing them. Some people like the size they are and might get offended. Any ideas??? I know some people who could definitely benefit from wls.    — Jeff J. (posted on June 2, 1999)

June 2, 1999
WLS is extremely personal. There are so many avenues of information out there to suggest it as a solution. In my opinion, unless you have had the surgery and are showing some results-that gives an open door for anyone to inquire from you. You are the best example of WLS without bringing it up or suggesting it. They will come to you. It the same when for many years people (before my surgery) used to come up to me and suggest diets or programs. I mean I didn't even know these people. Even the ones that I did know - I didn't hear myself ask them. I was and would still be very offended. If I wanted the information -I would find it myself. Nobody had the right to suggest something like that to me unless I began such a quest. Sheila Winters - RNY 3/26/99 started 428 now 60 lbs down.
   — Sheila W.

June 2, 1999
Personally, when I started doing my research, I seemed to get more and more questions from friends who had thought about it in the past, but hadn't know where to begin. Granted, it IS a very sensative thing, but with some of my friends, they approached me for more information once they found out I had got my approval. One told me I was going to be her "guinea pig", and if I looked ok afterwards, she'd think about it. I never really had to bring it up, other than talking about it from my own personal view. Good luck.
   — Molly S.

June 2, 1999
Goodmorning Jeff ... This is such a sensitive topic, and I have struggled with it myself. There are times when I see a total stranger and want to tell them, it actually got the best of me one time and I did it. The way I handled it, was that I waited until this woman, who was very large and obviously in alot of pain trying to walk, was alone. I walked over to her and said "Hi, I want to share something with you and its a very touchy topic, do you mind?" she said to go ahead, and I told her of my experience ... I gave her the doctors name & number. The bottom line .. even if she was angry with me, which I do not think she was, she took the number. She may not use it this year ... but I bet she hangs on to it. I planted the seed ... and if & when she decides to help herself, this will be one of the options. If you know this person that you want to approach, do so very dicreatly ... do not embarrass them in front of others. But I'm sure you know that. Do they know what you have gone through? If they already know and are around you ... trust me ... they are watching you. Maybe in conversation mention the doctor's name ... very clearly....I guess my feeling is that you should take the chance and approach them ... I mean, don't you wish someone had told us earlier? I sure do. Good luck Mary Anne
   — Mary Anne M.

June 3, 1999
Jeff, Surgery of any kind is not a walk in the park on a sunny day. People have to come to this place on their own. If someone expresses to you that they have tried everything and have had no success, and don't know where to turn next; they might be ready to hear what you have to say. Otherwise, don't go there. And you can't even say,"this is the thing for you." "Have you looked into this?" would be more appropiate. We have very little control in this world, but we should have the authority over our own bodies. As well meaning as we may be, we all need to get the beam out of our own eye before we try to remove the mote from someone elses.
   — Fran W.

June 3, 1999
Funny you should ask. My aunt and her sister both had similar wls. My aunt was unsure how to suggest I consider the procedure to me without offence. My mother took the initiative and just told me she'd pay for it. With a reality slap like that, I seriously considered it, and am 3 months post-op. The only reason I never thought I could do the surgery was the cost. With other people, it may be the fear of surgery (lots of questions on this site about that). I think the best way to approach the topic with someone is to just be as open and informative as possible. Perhaps just begin by saying what a life-changing experience it has been. Let them know (explicitely or not) that you are available if they have any questions. As you lose weight, they will notice, and the opportunity to discuss the wls will arise. I think your question was great, and addresses an issue that all post-ops should think about. Thanks!
   — Elizabeth W.