Question:
Why Can't I stand to be touched by my beau?

I am 2 mo's post op and have no desire for any type of intimacy. I have lost 54 lbs and I don't know what has happened. My beau is not been supportive at all for my WLS. I thought that my losing the weight would help, but so far it hasn't. I love my beau and we've been together for 6 years. There are a lot of issues with my WLS concering him. Does any one have any thoughts or advice that my help me?    — LilaDove (posted on August 14, 2005)

August 14, 2005
Thelma, seek couples counseling. You beau needs to at least be understanding if not supportive of you at this time. Remember that you are not alone on this roller coaster that you will be riding on in the next couple of years. Your lack of desire could be a direct result of the friction between the two of you on the subject of WLS. Good luck. :)
   — RebeccaP

August 14, 2005
I agree it might be the stress between you two. I had the WLS 2 months ago and I had no problems. Talk to your Doc, he might have something to help.
   — Kevin R.

August 14, 2005
I had the same feeling, I guess, I was so weak, and my body was just sore, it took at least maybe 3 months for me to regain the feeling for sex with my husband, I had alot on my mind, now we are back to normal, my husband was very supportive and understanding, he waited it out with me, if your beau is not supportive, he might be scared he will lose you or something else, because why wouldn't you beau not feel good if you lose the weight.
   — DIXIEANN F.

August 15, 2005
Hi there, I really am not hoping to come across as harsh, but here goes????... This is your body. You did something that a lot of people don't have the strength for. A lot of people who are quite heavy won't have the surgery, I am not quite sure as to the reasoning, nor do I really care. I know that WE did. This is a really POSITIVE step in a healthy life. If your beau really loves you, he may have been scared for you (due to a possible life threatening surgery), but surely he would recognize how much this surgery has helped you so far! (-54lbs. in two months - GO! girl!) I am sure you are already feeling much better (health wise) I think that you may have to deal with the fact that there are problems there (in your relationship) that were present way before the surgery. It is just my thought, that now that the trauma of the surgery is over, he should be ready to totally support you in this positive endeavor in your life. It almost sounds as if he might be subtly sabotaging you. Is this a possibility? If so, that has to change immediately. This is your tool. It is only good if you use it properly. I really do wish you the best in your journey. I just wish it didn't have to be like this. Take care of yourself first. That is the rule that you have to follow. Your health comes first. If that means that he has to go, then he has to go. Unless of course, you are willing to go back to where you were before your surgery. If you ever want to talk, just give me a shout. The best to you. Junith
   — [Deactivated Member]

August 15, 2005
Hi there -- a couple of things come to mind -- first for you, the rapid weight loss does affect our hormones (same goes for men when they have WLS) and this is considered "normal"... however it would be a good idea to discuss with your doctor when you go for your next check-up. Some WLS patients have taken Rx for this and it has helped. As for your beau, I know of two people who will not have the surgery because their spouse has verbally expressed that they feel the person having the surgery will leave them for someone else. As "silly" as it sounds, this could be your beau's feelings. Your weight might have been a "comfort zone" for your beau. It is a real fear for some, especially those spouses (significant others) that fell in love the the "bigger" us. Thank goodness my hubby knew me at my smallest and biggest and he is not "threatened". I suggest you seek an impartial party to discuss this. Both of you deserve happiness, but if your beau isn't willing, you must take a hard look at your relationship and do what is best for you! Good luck
   — LisaL.

August 15, 2005
Thelma, It has been said that as the fat goes away, and we don't have food anymore---we can't hide behind those things to deal with stress. Maybe these feelings are your way of distancing yourself from this person because you are hurt by the lack of support. Just some thoughts... vixen
   — vixen_c