Question:
I'm Addicted To Food All Over And I Can't Quit Stuffing Myself....
I am the failure of the bunch, my husband teased me from day 1 saying if anyone could gain the weight back, it would be me and he is right! I only gained a few pounds, but im for sure getting inches back, my pants are tight and some don't even fit now. The past 2mo. I gave into the food addiction, I eat all day and night what ever and whenever I want, candy, chips, bread, more candy and I live on diet pop again(I rarely even dump now). I forget my vitamins all the time and I never think about the protien(all junk now). I even ate 2 whole pieces of pizza and had pop and still felt fine. I'm scared and I dont know how to turn this back around, please if you have any advice, I could use it, Thank you!!! Open RNY 16mo. Post-Op 267/goal 134 and back to 140. — Sandy M. (posted on January 7, 2004)
January 7, 2004
Hi Sandy. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this painful problem. I
am going through the same thing right now. I am only 6 months post-op and
realizing that I truly do have an eating disorder. I don't "just love
food" or "have no will power." I have a major problem that
is emotional/psychological. Like you, I feel like the biggest failure for
slipping back into my old patterns of eating (eating junk, eating when I'm
not even hungry, eating all the time). And unfortunately, I see to be able
to eat a LOT of food and I don't really dump. Darn! I had lost 110 lbs
but have gained 5 back in the last month and a half. It's purely
emotional. Stress.
Here is what I am trying to do to get back on track...and I am patting
myself on the back if I only manage to do ONE or TWO of these things each
day: take my vitamins, drink 64oz. of water, eat protein first whenever I
eat anything, and do something to reduce my emotional stress, such as a 20
minute stroll, have a long talk with a compassionate and wise friend, lay
in bed and have a good cry for 10 minutes, get a massage or pedicure, find
something that makes me laugh. Like I said, it's hard for me to do all of
these things right now, so I am setting myself up for success by taking it
one thing at a time. I feel good if I can do one thing right each day.
Today I made it my goal to drink 64 oz of water and take my vitamins. I
did both- yay me! And I even ate better today because I felt good about
doing the other things. My outlook was much more positive because I just
did a little "right" today. It also helps to reach out to people
whom you can trust to be encouraging and give you good advice. Your
uhsband doesn't sound terribly supportive, so maybe you need to look
outside your family for help.
I have also decided to contact an eating disorder counselor and get some
help with my food issues. I hope I can afford it....but can I afford not
to do it (sort of like surgery)? For some extra support I am going to go
to Overeaters Anonymous meetings with a friend of mine (which should help
me stick with it).
Those are just my thoughts, and I'm in the middle of this rough road, so I
definitely don't have the answers. I'm just muddling through. My best
wishes to you.
— Cara E.
January 7, 2004
Do you go to any bariatric support groups? If not you need to go, to be
around people who have had the surgery. You need that support system. This
website is great for support but it's not the same as being in a room with
people going throught the same thing. Go as often as you can. I am pre-op
but I still know how you must feel. I know how it is to feel like a
failure and to feel like you can't stop eating! Your not a failure you can
do it, you just have to kick yourself in the butt really hard and get back
on track. Maybe you can make an appointment with a nutritionist too.
Sorry I can't be much help. Good Luck
— Kara J.
January 7, 2004
i have heard about 2 things on this site that might help. the first is the
"pouch rules" they not only tell you what and how to eat, but
also ways to stay feeling full longer(you can search the library on this
site for it). also alot of people have said that if they start out their
day with high carbs they crave more carbs like crazy through out the rest
of the day. is there anyway you could get rid of these temptations from
your house(candy, chips and pop)? when i go to the store and shop for food
i always make sure i eat first because this helps me not to buy the things
i shouldn't. i have a family too and some people have told me that just
because i can't eat candy doesn't mean my family should eat it. i love my
family very much and don't see how getting them to eat healthy is hurting
them in any way. i have 2 daughters who i hope ever have to go thur what i
have been thur. i hope to teach them to eat healthy so they can become
healthy adults.and they have never complained about not eating candy or
drinking pop(11 and 9 years old).alot of people really like sugar free
candies and low carb chips and this is fine from time to time. but if you
have a food addiction this can lead to snacking too much. eventhou these
foods are better than others for people like myself with food addiction can
become a bad habit. i try really hard to stay with my 3 meals a day and no
snacking. i know for myself that if i snack it will lead me to grazing.i
really wish you the best of luck. i know this food addiction can be a real
monster.
— franbvan
January 7, 2004
I always wonder why there's not at least 10 or 15 different people every
day posting about this same issue. I believe they are out there, they just
aren't speaking. Why do I believe they are out there? Because you can't
tell me that if 100,000+ morbidly and super-morbidly obese people have this
surgery during a year, none of them are compulsive overeaters. The way most
folks talk around here, though, you'd think that none of them ate for
emotional or psychological reasons. Most folks talk like having their
stomach made small and/or their intestines shortened is all they need to be
thin for the rest of their lives. I'm sure that the gastric intervention is
very helpful in promoting weight loss, but for me, that's not where the
true battle is. I did not get to weigh 385 pounds because my intestines
were too long. My battle is in my head. (So far I've lost 95 pounds, very
slowly. I haven't lost any since September.)I recommend that you do not
call yourself a failure. You just have issues that go beyond what surgery
on your digestive system can fix. I think there are many people in the same
boat. Give yourself a break - nothing good comes out of self-loathing. If
you can afford it, see a therapist. Some people find OA very helpful, and
it's free. Undoubtedly, a number of people will tell you to just stop
eating carbs, or fats, or whatever. Which always puzzles me. If you could
do that, control your eating that closely, I mean, you wouldn't have been
morbidly obese in the first place. Also, you might want to read the book
"Sex, Weight and Marriage." It really explains how there are
dynamics in some relationships that make weight-loss hard to maintain. Best
of luck to you. It took a lot of guts for you to post what you did. I think
that's a good sign that you will succeed.
— Kim A.
January 7, 2004
There could be any number of things going on that have attacked your
success so far. I tend to wonder what is going on nutritionally, naturally,
that has triggered irresitble cravings, but who knows what all else in your
life has removed the safeguards that obviously have been working for you.
I'm going to recommend the Grad list. People who are more than 1 yr out
post here with issues like yours, both those who are in the scared-to-death
state you are now, and some who have gotten a grip again and now are
holding on tightly to their regrip. You are not alone. So very not alone.
The link is:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG
— vitalady
January 7, 2004
I totally agree with Kim. You aren't a failure at all. You've just had a
stepback, and like A.A. or Overeaters Anonymous would tell you, the 1st
step is that you've already taken the 1st step in realizing the problem. I
know prayer works. It has brought me thru a lot of rough times. I wish you
the best and will be praying for you. I also agree that your husband
doesn't sound very supportive. Is he overweight too? I really don't know
what other issues you are going thru in your life possibly concerning him,
but could you possibly tell him how his comments make you feel and ask him
to be more supportive. I know my husband sometimes doesn't even know what
he's said wrong or has upset me unless I bring it up and discuss it with
him. I know you will succeed!!!!! I have faith in you. You didn't come this
FAR to gain it all back.
— bufordslipstick
January 7, 2004
Sometimes it helps to know your not alone- AND YOUR NOT- It wasn't until I
had surgery, that it hit me that I AM a food addict- I LOVE food in an
unhealthy way- I often think I must be VERY VERY disturbed because I
fantasize about food, like one might fantasize about sex or money- I go to
bed and I think- If I could go to a buffet...what would I pick..some people
count sheep, I pick out my buffet (smile)..I KNOW I must be the only one in
the world to do this- I wish there was a magic answer, and I wish someone
would give it to me- but I know there isn't- I must OFTEN think back on my
fat life- how COMPLETELY MISERABLE I was- what low self esteem I had..I
must often (daily) Look at my pre-op pic and ask myself if I want to go
back to looking/feeling like that. I am often envious of the women in the
chat room who say "just the thought of food makes me sick"...or
"I forget to eat" I wake up thinking about what's for dinner- I
understand now, that this is going to be a struggle for the REST of my
life- I hang out in the chat room as much as possible...I NEED that
support- Just last night I was talking about going into therapy- reason
being- I had a long talk with my family- (about how fat I am) even though I
have a normal BMI now- I still SEE a fat person- Its hard to explain- My
chart says normal, my scale says normal for I SEE AND FEEL a fat person
still. And someone telling me "your not fat" does not help- it
only frustrates me..because I think "are you BLIND?"......Ok my
point being- I think if we want to be successful at this, we need support
and maybe professional help........AND ONE LAST IMPORTANT POINT..you said
you forget to take your vitamins...PLEASE PLEASE take them..I did really
good the first few months, then stopped taking them...I'VE STARTED TO
EXERIENCE NEUROLIGICAL PROBLEMS DUE TO LACK OF B-12..They want us to take
these for an IMPORTANT REASON, you don't want to experience what I'm going
through (but working on) TAKE THOSE VITAMINS ...best wishes Kim
— WABBIT F.
January 7, 2004
I was going thru something similiar for a few months. I was just needing
to snack all the time, and I don't dump on anything at all. Finally, I
switched to all protein. I bought pork rinds instead of chips. Jerky
instead of candy, cheese instead of cookies. I didn't think I was changing
my snacking habits, but switching to all protein really changed my need to
snack. I just don't feel like it. You might try that....but you do need
support like someone else suggested. You don't have to try this alone.
— thekatinthehat
January 7, 2004
Sandy -- you've been given some great advice from the previous posters.
Please make yourself #1 priority immediately and do whatever necessary to
figure this out. If it's seeing a therapist (make sure it's the RIGHT one),
do it...if it's OA, do it...if it's changing your eating habits, find
someone to help you work thru those issue. I have to agree that your
husband doesn't sound supportive, although I doubt he means to hurt you. He
may be just one of those people (there are MEN & WOMEN) who have no
concept of how their remarks cut like a knife. If he knows how his remarks
hurt you, then that's a SERIOUS issue that needs to be addressed.
At the risk of sounding really corny...we really need to love ourselves
before we can love anyone else AND in order to have someone else love the
REAL us. Does that make sense? You are not a failure, I repeat NOT a
failure. You're actually a major success! You've reached your goal AND
realized you're getting off track AND willing to do something to fix it
before it's gone too far! You really are an ideal WLS post-op. YOU are a
REAL person...life is not perfect post-op and you're proof we can admit it
& be open to help!! KUDOS!!!
Best wishes!
— Diane S.
January 8, 2004
Get some professional help. Now is the time for it. You did not go through
all of this just to gain it back but it is a real possibility. You can see
a nutritionist or a therapist but see someone now! I have found that
anxiety makes me binge and getting help for that has been awesome. You are
not a failure and it can happen to any of us. The vigilance required to
keep the weight off forever is great and requires a lot of support in my
opinion. Good luck!!!! Lap RNY 1/15/03 277/156/150ish
— Carol S.
January 8, 2004
Sandy: Just wanted you to know I'm rooting for you to get this under
control. I already know how easy it is to let yourself get re-addicted.
Over the holidays (I'm 4 months post-op), I let myself eat way too much
sugar, and unfortunately, have not experienced any dumping. It is
incredibly tough to get off this sugar merry-go-round. I'm making
progress, but it's on my mind a lot, and it's scary, for sure. I don't
have any better advice than what has already been offered - just make sure
you get the help you need. And remember, you've recognized the problem at
an early stage - you're only 6 pounds up from your goal. You can do this!
Best wishes.
— Carlita
January 8, 2004
Your post is timely, because I'm in a similar position. I'm 19 months out,
never got to goal (though close enough to be happy where I was), and am now
trying to come off of several weeks of complete dietary abandon. I think
the holiday season makes it tough for ANYONE not to gain weight, but for
those of us with food addictions it can be especially frustrating. There's
just so much temptation around, and once we give ourselves permission to
indulge it's easy to let it all snowball right back into our pre-surgery
habits. I also think that for those who just recently lost a tremendous
amount of weight, there are physiological factors that make our bodies try
to regain what's been lost. I certainly don't have any great answers, but
that won't stop me from offering my thoughts! Other posters are right,
most of us definitely have food addictions or some psychological
problem/quirk that makes us turn to food in a pathological way. Surgery
helps, but absolutely doesn't cure that for all of us. I think the first
thing we have to do is acknowledge that it *is* going to be tough for us, a
life-long struggle, and we'll have periods of success and failure. Lots of
people have theories about how to fight our compulsions, with cutting carbs
being the most popular. Lots of people find that Atkins, or South Beach,
or Sugar Busters, or some such works for them. Whether it's physiological
or emotional, it's certainly worth a try. South Beach has an appeal
because it's time-limited; somehow it's easier to say "I can give up
sweets and bread for just two weeks," knowing that it isn't forever.
Think about it, read about it, set a date in your mind when you're going to
change your eating routine, and then really try to DO it. My husband and I
aimed for Jan. 5; it's only been a few days and I don't know if I'll be
able to keep it up, but so far so good. I can honestly say that I feel
physically better than when I'm bingeing and eating so much junk, and the
scale has started to lose the (gasp!) 9 pounds I gained over Christmas.
The healthy food I'm eating now tastes *wonderful* now that the junk is
getting out of my system. I suspect that this is a cycle that some of us
are doomed to repeat over and over; the key thing to remember is that you
*can* go back to your healthy routine. I'm convinced that we're not doomed
to fall off the wagon and STAY off the wagon, we really can turn it around.
Tell your husband quite seriously that you need his help and support,
rather than teasing, and let him know how truly panicked you are. I'll bet
he'll surprise you with his reaction.
— Celia A.
January 8, 2004
Dear Sandy,
First, let me commend you for not only facing that you have a problem but
also for being willing to come here and be open and honest about it. Your
problem is not as uncommon as you think. As many people have said in the
past; we had surgery on our stomachs not on our brains. Speaking as
someone who works in the bariatric field, I feel the greatest injustice we
do for our patients is fail them when it comes to long term post op
education. However, in our defense, you can't make people come back for
education. You can't say "I'm going to reposses your surgery if you
don't come back to support group meetings and educational classes."
Once people are several months post op they are feeling so good that they
don't come back for routine follow up, they don't come to support group
meetings, they don't come to educational classes because they feel they
have the problem conquered. In most cases they are wrong. Dreadfully
wrong. Far more stress needs to be placed on using the honeymoon period
after WLS learning how to use the tool effectively FOREVER rather than
learning how to eat around the tool. But honey, cheer up, all is not lost.
I urge you to find a support group and if peer support is not enough then
try the hospital dietician and if that's not enough seek professional
counseling. You can get back on track. There is an egroup called GetBOT.
It stands for get back on track. It is pretty new and has about 70 or so
members. While it is an e-support group it's primarily an accountability
group. Members must publicly post their food journal each day. Then other
members give feedback and helpful hints. No one is flamed or shamed. It's
been very effective in helping many of us. Here's the address if you'd
like to join: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/GetBOT/ You can find
people just like yourself there who are struggling to regain control.
Again, I admire you for being so candid. I think you're going to do just
fine. I'll be thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.
— ronascott
January 8, 2004
Sandy, there is some wonderful advise from the other posters. It never
ceases to amaze me how supportive this board is. Well, by now, from
reading the other postings, you know that you are not alone. Very far from
it! Its true we had surgery on our stomachs and not our brains. Years and
years of abusive eating patterns for whatever reason got us obese, and the
surgery simply was the first step. The honeymoon period was the 2nd step.
And now as your finding out, step 3 is all you. Oh, if only there was
complimentary surgery on the brain... May I make a simple suggestion to
help you get back on track? Get rid of the junk in the house!! If you are
eating chips, candy, bread and pop all day long,where is it coming from?
Remove all of the junk from the house, now! Fill the house with
fruit/veggies/protein snacks and at least start there. Are you working
out? If not, start doing so. Even if it just walking around the
block,just do it. Finding a buddy (hey hubby??!) to walk with you, even
better. Work up to a heart pumping cardio workout. Tackle this in small
bites. first removing the junk food, 2nd exercising (moving) more. I
think you will find some comfort, and perhaps strength, in at least getting
started on the road to regaining control. And as the others have
suggested, please seek counseling. No one is more important than you. You
have come too far to let this defeat you, Sandy.
— Cindy R.
January 8, 2004
Seek a therapist ASAP. Don't continue to damage all the hard work you have
done. Fat (for me) is a protection from the outside world. Without fat you
may seem vulnerable and your subconscience will do everything it can to get
you to put that protection back on. Therapy can break through all those
misconceived thoughts and can help you get used to the "new you".
Good luck!!
— Kelli P.
January 8, 2004
Hi Sandy
It is unfortunate that you have this problem. You must first seek some
professional help, dietician, counseling or something, maybe even both may
help you. With the support of others you can get back on track. From what
I understand form my doctoer, after you reach your goal weight, there are
fluctuations in your weight, generally 6-10 lbs, up or down, unless you
really work at keeping it at the goal weight.
Deb
— Deb S.
January 8, 2004
I know a post op couple, where the husband lost it all, and the wide didnt
and is now regaining. Its been suggested its the husbands fault somehow,
That his success pressure the wife and she rebels and eats more. I honestly
dont know, and fight my food demons daily:( WLS is a tool, not sadly a get
out of fat free card. I am very interested in this feel free to e mail me.
— bob-haller
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