Question:
HELP! Don't know if I should be having surgery?!
I don't even know how to begin this. There has been so much going on in my life that I am thinking that it is a sign that I should not have this surgery! Last Thurday my grandmother who has been battling cancer for 10 years broke her jaw eating a noodle. Seriously. The cancer had eaten through her jaw so badly that it broke. Her mouth is now wired shut and the doctors say there is nothing more they can do. That same day my sister who was 33 weeks pregnant started labor and delivered a 4lb 11oz little girl. She will have to stay in the hospital for at least 2 weeks. My mother is leaving tomorrow for a business trip to Florida. We work together at the same school district and they are pulling me out of my job to cover her job while she is gone. Friday is a half a day of school, but because I am doing her job it will be a full day. I had my preop tests scheduled for that day, so I called to rescshedule and there are no times available in the next two weeks. So I had to tell our boss that he will have to find a sub for the half a day. He is mad because there are a lot of people in the district going to this conference and they cannot get a sub for me. What should I do? This is my job, and without it I have got big problems. But if I do not make it to these tests there will be no surgery. Should I even be having the surgery with all that is going on?? — Mini Gadget (posted on November 3, 2003)
November 3, 2003
Yes, have the surgery. This decision is for YOU, not your boss, family,
etc. Please do what you can to make this work for you. Good luck!
— carpediem
November 3, 2003
Darling, no one can decide for you whether this surgery is right or not.
That's up to you. But I can tell you that you need to consider how long it
took you to get this far, how your body is suriving these days, and whether
it is worth it to wait or not do this at all. With or without the surgery,
all that is going on around you will still be going on. Your family's
problems, your job's problems...none of that will go away just because you
had surgery. The surgery is completely seperate from everything else. If
you decide to go through with all this...have a sit down talk with your
boss. Explain to him/her why you've got to do this now, though you
understand it is a terrible time. Explain to your boss that if you were
able to put it off, you would but that in order for you to ensure that
you'll be healthy enough to continue your work, you must take care of this
issue now. If your boss doesn't know why you're having surgery, maybe
explain it to him/her. Try to work it out with others in your office to
cover for you for half a day...there is always a way around stuff like
this. Good Luck and God Bless
— Renee B.
November 3, 2003
Do it, have the surgery, put yourself first for once (something when we are
overweight we tend to not do). This is the best thing I have ever done for
myself and only wish I had done it a year earlier.
Stacey 3/18 255/170
— Stacey F.
November 3, 2003
I too work for a school district. I say GO to the appt. and write your
boss an apologetic letter stating that this has been scheduled and in the
works for months... surely he/she will understand. Your surgery is the
most important thing right now... nothing else is as important... don't
delay things. GOOD LUCK!!!!! gail -95
— Bama Beach Girl
November 3, 2003
I planned my surgery, I put my life, and my families life around it, and
right before it happend, a million things started happening that felt like
I was half way up a mountain under a rockslide. I to thought that perhaps
this wasn't the right time, that perhaps I was being selfish putting my
needs ahead of all the things that were going on around me. In fact, once
these things were all resolved (sort of) I got bronchitis, that barely
cleared up in time. I didn't understand why in the world this would all
happen at the exact time that I needed things to go smoothly. But in the
end, I realized that perhaps these obstacles were part of my proving to
myself that I was ready for this amazing life change, that finally, I was
going to do something for me, and that I was worthy of that. Evaluate why
you are having the surgery in the first place, and if those things are
still in place, despite all that is going on around you, do this~for you!
The school district will not grind to a halt because you are attending your
pre-op tests. And certainly, your boss can not discriminate against you
for following through with your doctors appointment. Explain your case,
and do what you need to do for you. Good luck!
— TameraD
November 3, 2003
I don't know about you, but I can tell you what I would do. Have the
surgery!! I've been working on getting my insurance approval and date
scheduled since this past July. I finally got it all and am starting all
my pre-op tests. I wouldn't do anything to delay or jeopardize my surgery,
I've waited way too long already. I truly believe this will be a
life-saving journey and my life is too valuable to put on hold. Do it for
you!
— Cherie A.
November 3, 2003
If you can resolve to have this surgery for you, no matter what, then go
ahead. But if having the surgery will put you under inordinate amounts of
stress, see what you can do to postpone it. I had no idea until I had the
surgery what stress can do to you during the time your pouch is healing.
YOU DON'T WANT THAT MUCH UNCOMFORTABLENESS. Healing is hard enough under
good circumstances. I remember the first time stress really got to me
about 4 weeks post-op. I was nauseaus for hours. Make sure you can do
this with a minimum of stress and good thoughts. You'll be glad you did.
— Cathy S.
November 3, 2003
I, too work for a school system. A very large one now, but a very small
one before. I don't know where you fall in between there, but I know how it
can be to get coverage...but I agree with the previous poster who said to
explain that this appointment has been made for awhile and is very hard to
reschedule...you have to make time for you. the school system should be
able to go on without you for 1/2 a day. Chin up
— anapple4theteacher
November 3, 2003
Do not put yourself on hold-stick to your guns. It will be worth it.
— Lisa D.
November 3, 2003
I am a teacher also, just explain that you have rescheduled this twice and
you can't reschedule again. I would do it again--but if you have any
doubts....and it isn't just cold feet---wait and do some more research. It
sounds like to me he is being selfish--the conference is not the same as
your health. Would he have you reschedule a biopsy?
— who A.
November 3, 2003
Boy, life is a wild ride sometimes isn't it? I think you've gotten a lot
of great advice on here (of course!) - I'll just throw in a different
thought for you to take or leave. I postponed my scheduled surgery - there
was an insurance question and the office wanted me to sign a paper that I
would pay cash if insurance didn't pay. After several phone calls where I
was assured that all would be well but they still wouldn't do it without my
signing the papar I said to cancel - I couldn't in good conscience sign
knowing it would be impossible for me to pay cash. The office flipped, my
friends flipped, my doctor flipped - the office was unhappy to be
inconvienced - said I'd have to wait a long time for my new date - and
everybody else thought I was chickening out. Well, I knew I wasn't and I
didn't flip, the insurance thing got fixed just fine and I got a date two
months later. I worried myself sick about the money and just knew that had
to be resolved before I had surgery - and everything went great! So, my
point is I guess that a little delay isn't the end of the world - like
everyone else has basically said - listen to yourself and put your feelings
first and you can't go wrong. Best of luck to you!
— [Deactivated Member]
November 3, 2003
HOney,
You are just freaking out and over analyzing everything. Stop and take a
breather. Do your tests and have the surgery. There is nothing more
important than this opportunity at this time in your life. I guarantee you
that if your boss was facing this he/she would put their body and surgery
at the top of the list. The will survive. Tell them it is emergency
surgery, doctors orders, what can you do?
Be strong!
— Michele B.
November 3, 2003
I differ from most of the advice her. I understand that doing this surgery
is for "us" and that we need to consider ourselves. Personally I
would never want to go into a surgery with all the crisis that you have.
Surgery and healing is difficult enough without all this emotional baggage.
At least for me, I'd put it off for several months with the hope that
things in your life and for those you love will improve. I'd hate going
into a surgery with worring grandma and a sister and her baby. Yes, I know
there is probally nothing you can do for them other than be there and
support them. I guess I don't show my emotions and when I wound, my wounds
go deep. RNY (at least the open) is hard. I would never go into it when I'm
worried about people I love. But you may have a completely difference
emotional makeup than I and it may be just the thing to get your families
problems out of your mind. Only you can tell. We can only give you ideas,
and you need to decide what is best for "you". Best of luck in
whatever you decide.
— Danmark
November 4, 2003
Look at it this way - are you doing anything for your Grandma, your sister
and her baby by worrying? No! Are you a direct caregiver for your
grandmother? Is your sister depending on you to help take care of the baby?
(By the way a 4lb 11oz 33 weeker is pretty good size!) I would be firm on
needing to take time to have your pre-op testing done. Afterall, he is
likely the one who gave people permission to go to the conference, and
probably knew you were having your testing done. Are you not as important
to the job as any of the others who are going to the conference? Sometimes
we have very littele self esteem. I spent a lot of years getting walked on
at my job until I finally had enough gumption to say "enough!"
and demanded to be treated fairly. I learned to say "NO!" I agree
that you should not put the surgery off. Everyone's life has some stress.
Right now it's your grandma, your sister and niece, and your job. What will
it be the next time? And the time after that??
— koogy
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