Question:
A question for postops about family gatherings and everyone's reaction to weight loss
Iam so looking forward to getting together with family at Christmas and Thanksgiving just to see their jaws drop at my weight loss! A lot of my Aunts, Uncles and cousins havent seen me since last Christmas, when I was still preop. Every Christmas every year we draw names to see who we are going to buy a gift for, and I always know who gets my name just by the look on their faces. I call it the "oh God" look like "oh God Ive got her name, what am I going to get for her fat butt" look. Or someone sees my name, says "I dont want her, she's too hard to buy for!" and trades with someone or puts the name back. Now, these guys are nice to your faces but then when this comes up, its totally different. It justs irritates me to no end! I just want to see the reaction Im going to get! Anyone feel this way too or go through a similar experience? — Kris T. (posted on July 20, 2003)
July 20, 2003
Kris, I too have not seen most of my relatives since last Christmas. We
are having a family reunion this August and I can't wait to see their
reactions either. My grandma took a picture of 4 of us that were going to
diet, etc this year and I know that I have done the best. In 6 months I
have lost 104 pounds and feeling great. I want to show them that I was
able to do it and I hope they are doing well too.
I have a family member that is interested in the surgery and I am hoping
that once he sees me it will give him that little extra push. It is the
hardest thing to make the decision to have the surgery and I don't
reccommend it for everyone but I know that if you know deep down inside
that it is what you want then seeing someone that has gone before you and
is doing so well is only an incentive.
Good luck to you and everyone else. I hope we all shock our family members
and show them who we really are and were fighting for all along. open RNY
1/10/03 - 104lbs
— Charmaine R.
July 20, 2003
Just remember to walk into that family gathering with the camera rollin'
.... so you can watch their reactions over and over and over again!
— PEARL B.
July 20, 2003
At the last family gathering in June I had just had surgery and not many
people knew. It was a wedding so everyone was focused on the bride. The
next time I see everyone will be for the holidays. While I haven't lost a
significant amount of weight yet, I hope to by then. It will be completely
ackward to be the center of attention. I already get a little embarrased
with friends at church who seeme every week and want that weekly update.
— Heather M.
July 20, 2003
I just can't wait to see my ex-husbands face!
— Beverly S.
July 20, 2003
Hi Kris - I just returned from a funeral in the Midwest and saw all of my
extended family for the first time since losing 285 pounds. Most had not
seen me and had only heard about the "big" change. I was,
needless to say, the talk of the funeral. Most had no idea who I was until
I opened my mouth and they all said the personality was the same. It was a
little disconcerting being hugged and grabbed all the time and I've gotten
used to looking this way and it doesn't really shock me any more. For the
most part it was great, but I didn't enjoy being reminded about the big fat
person I used to be. I'd like to forget about that other person since I've
worked so hard to get away from her and being reminded by everyone about
just how fat and disgusting they all thought I was was not pleasant.
— Traci H.
July 20, 2003
There are SO MANY people I can't wait to suprise! My husband went to
Baghdad in May, and at that point I was about 254 pounds. By the time he
comes home, he won't even recognize me. But even better than that, I
can't wait to see my in-laws next summer!! Won't their jaws drop!! Oh,
and then there's my dad's bi*** of a wife. Oh wow. There's lots of
people. Won't it be great??? Enjoy every minute!!
— Jennifer H.
July 20, 2003
I am 6 months post-op and 119 lbs weight loss. I have had so much fun with
the weight loss. I have seen most of the family that matters anyway. They
were mostly excited for me. Now I get the jealous/envy eyes from some of
the others. Anyway the fun. I work in a grocery store where I check in
the vendors and truck drivers. I changed stores at the 3 month post op
point. I returned to the previous store last week for l week. When truck
drivers or vendors would come in I would talk to them I remembered things
they had told me in the past about their families. I asked them questions
about Mary, the kids etc. I loved the expression on their face. It was
like I must know her, but where. To complicate matters I was in the same
place they saw me last. If I liked them I explained who I was. If I
didn't, I let them leave with that confused look on their face. I can't
wait to see some old bosses and not only let them see me, but see how much
more enegry I have.
— june22
July 20, 2003
I just got back from Tenn, went to see my mother, and my aunt, uncle, a
cousin and her family were there. Now I have not seen them in years so they
did not even see me at my fattest, other than my mom, of course. I just had
surgery 3 weeks before this trip, and I was down 27 pounds at this point,
250 to 223. My mom had told them I had the surgery (I did not mind as I
want everyone to know how wonderful it has been for me). They were all very
supportive and happy for me. I told them that the next time they see me
they won't even recognize me! LOL! It was just so good to see them that it
did not bother me at all that I am still "fat," especially since
I know I won't be for long.
— DebT
July 20, 2003
They say "Living well is the best revenge" but that only works if
you don't care. Don't set yourself up for disappointment. Many people will
"not notice" which is very frustrating. Don't let them get to
you. Keep your head up and remember you did this for you NOT for them!!
— Sunny S.
July 21, 2003
Just this past weekend, my DH and I went to a wedding. It was a friend of
my older son who got married. Now, the boys have been through school
together since kindergarten, have played in bands together, etc., so I know
his mom and dad pretty well. We live in a pretty small town. I noticed the
last couple of times I saw the groom's mom (grocery store, parade, etc.)
she barely spoke to me! At the reception, the she came over to me and
said,"I didn't know who you were until someone told me! You both look
wonderful!" We had quite a nice talk and, of course, I told her about
our surgery. I've been stuck on plateau for awhile, so that was kind of
reassuring to know I've still lost enough weight to really make a
difference! But also, to the poster - a couple of years ago, my
sister-in-law, who probably has worn up to a size 2, mentioned she had been
shopping the day before Christmas and found a cute sweater on sale. I
remember thinking ,"Yea, tiny people can usually find stuff on sale!
Try finding a "cute" size 22 anything on sale!" I haven't
seen her since then, so it will be interesting. She didn't mean anything in
a mean way (my other sister-in-law is even bigger than I was), and she was
there, too, probably thinking the same thing! Just go and enjoy the family
event.
— koogy
July 21, 2003
Ha! Funny you should ask this today. I was at a graduation party over the
weekend with people I've known all my life, but don't see very often
anymore. I probably haven't seen most of the people there in over a year;
I certainly haven't seen any of them since my surgery. I'm still a big
girl, but was at least 65 pounds lighter on Saturday than the last time I
see any of these folks, and not one person said anything about my weight
loss! I don't know if they simply didn't notice (which means they never
paid much attention to my size, which I feel good about), or they didn't
know how to say something. But, these were people I've known literally
since I was a baby, so I can't believe any of them would be too shy to say
anything. Be prepared for this reaction! I didn't expect it, and was
surprised (still am).
— Vespa R.
July 21, 2003
I usually do not see my extended family for the holidays, but am planning
on getting a family picture taken for our Christmas cards this year. I
just wish I could be a fly on the wall when they open them. - Marcy open
RNY 3/4/03 287/213/145
— Marcy S.
July 21, 2003
Don't be suprised if people don't say anything. Many of my own sisters say
"I don't see it" right in front of me...geez why don't you talk
about me behind my back like you used to!! Who cares? (well, I do a
little!) Don't count on everyone going ga ga is all I'm trying to say.
Some people don't look at your size, but look at you! Have fun!
— msmaryk
July 21, 2003
People are so funny in how they notice things or in some cases don't notice
and in how they react to things. Last week I had two completely different
reactions..well not different but interesting maybe is a better word. First
I do work for a company and I see the office manager about twice a month. I
used to work for the company full time and for at least the last 6 months
every time I have seen this guy I thought to myself I bet he's surprised at
how much weight I lost and I would sort of be waiting for a remark.
Nada..Zip not a word. This week...he does like a double take and says
Carrie what have you done to yourself. I said what do you mean? And he said
you lost weight haven't you? As if he wasn't sure. I've lost 155 pounds
from a to tight size 28 to a comfortable size 14 and he is just noticing.
The other reaction was I was in family court and I saw an attorney that I
used to work with every day but hadn't seen in about 6 months. I said
" Hey Kristen" and she looked at me totally confused. She had
absolutely no clue who on earth I was. That felt so great and was such a
reinforcement to me that I have changed and for the better. I will remember
her face when she realized who I was forever. It was great!! Carrie
— Carrie D.
July 21, 2003
one year post op & 120 lbs thinner, hubby & i went to our
granddaughters 1st birthday party, 1500 miles away. the last time i had
seen my son in laws family was when she was born & i was only 1 month
post op. while standing in the buffet line, i heard the voice of a cousin
of his, that i happen to be crazy about, say to my daughter...'what a shame
your parents couldnt be here!' my daughter replied...'no...they are here.
didnt you see them?' the cousin said 'no'. with that my daughter
said...'turn around mommy & say hi to maria'. lololol. poor maria...she
couldnt decide if she should be embarrassed or extremely happy to see me as
she usually is. i also heard other of her inlaws thruout the room
saying...'where is stef's mom? didnt she come?' & 'i dont see sheryl!
where is she?!' & 'THATS SHERYL? STEF'S MOM SHERYL?' i was an extremely
happy camper that day. yes, there were ppl present who resented the new me
& i heard their snide remarks, but, i had come to the realization
months before then that unkind remarks made behind my back was just
jealousy rearing its ugly head. enjoy your reunions!
— sheryl titone
Click Here to Return