Question:
I'm Almost 1 Year Out- When does your self image change?
I had surgery 8/6/02 starting weight 283.5 I now weigh 152. According to the "charts" I am still considered overweight, but I have had people tell me that they thought I was about 120-130 lbs. (are they looking at the same person I am!!!?) When does this get better. I thought that if I ever made it into a size 14 again, that I would be happy. Well, I am now in size 8 pants and medium shirts and I feel fat. (I know, those of you starting out are reading this and saying that you will never complain, but this truley is a mental thing) My question is: What steps do I take to get over this? At a support group meeting last night a newbie said to me that if she saw me on the street she would assume that I had been thin my whole life. What a compliment, but why does it feel un-true? Don't get me wrong, I am so happy I had this surgery, but the mental image thing is really hard for me to shake. Are there any good books that tackle this sort of thing? If I choose counseling, should I find someone specialized in WLS or can I see anyone? Again, I remember being new and reading on here about someone who was a size 6, and she was having a terrible time with her excess skin as insurance would not pay for TT, and my thought at the time was - get over it, YOU ARE A SIZE 6! Now I wish I knew her name to see how she is doing. My husband says that he is just fine with the skin (he's so good!) I am in the process of starting a support group and want to start gathering info on this and trying it so I can let everyone know. Thanks in advance for any advice!!! You guys are all great! — Dana B. (posted on June 25, 2003)
June 25, 2003
Dana,
I can identify with you TOTALLY. I started at 409 lbs and i am now 219 lbs.
I am just now accepting the fact that I have lost an entire person. For me
it was due to FEAR of gaining the weight back and just plain ole CRAZINESS.
i am 5'11 so I do not look as big (there I go again) as I am. For me prayer
really helps. for a while people thought I was just fishing for
compliments. People are always telling me you don't need to lose anymore
weight. but i beg to differ. I think that what we need first is SELF LOVE.
We have to believe first that we look great. we have taken a giant step in
a better quality of life so lets just enjoy it. Maybe we can start lookin
in the mirror and say dang i look good!!!! god is good and he loves all of
us but first we must love self. god bless you
— tameaka S.
June 25, 2003
I really like the way you posed your question. You are willing to seek
help and read and things and that's the first step -- recognizing where YOU
fit in this whole self-discovery process. It is a lifetime thing. First,
be ok with the fact that it took you a lifetime to become who you are and
that is not going to change just because you lost some weight. It will
take a while. So keep that in mind and have a sense of humor to laugh at
yourself when you find yourself still feeling fat or down or unsatisfied.
Chuckle to yourself and say "I know it's going to take some time to
change my train of thought but I got this far and I'm not stopping!".
Books that have helped me -- Self Matters by Dr. Phil McGraw. Also there
are a bunch of books by Louise Hay that are excellent. One is called
"you can heal your life". It talks about the power of
affirmative thinking and the messages you can give to yourself and makes
you truly aware of how you can sabotage yourself simply by telling yourself
you can't do something. She's also got these affirmation cards that they
sell at any major bookstore. I take them out and put them on my bathroom
mirror so I can read them aloud in the morning. The one for this week says
"I do not use yesterday's mental garbage to create tomorrow's
experiences. I create fresh new thoughts and a fresh new life."
That's really what it's all about isn't it? I read her book years ago and
thought it was a great concept but never incorporated it. I kept instead
trying to fix the "symptom" -- diet, get out of bad relationship
etc. In essence putting a bandaid on a broken leg instead of finding the
source of what was causing me to make these bad choices. I am STILL a work
in progress but knowing that I am and being patient has helped so much!
This weight comes off so fast and we truly expect miracles don't we? Then
when they don't come and we're not transformed we start blaming ourselves
and feeling like a failure. I go to a counselor once a month to talk about
this kind of stuff and it's just great. She specializes in eating
disorders and is pro-surgery. Find someone that understands the reasons
behind weightloss surgery and isn't "against" it. You can do a
pre-screen on the phone. Just like you wouldn't buy fruit without
squeezing it or smelling it first, don't choose a counselor without seeing
their counseling methods and whether or not they will work with you. Good
luck and God bless!
— Kimberly L.
June 25, 2003
I can really relate to you..I am 15 months out and weigh 139 and still
cannot get any self confidence going!! I went from a size 26 to an 8 and
think I looked better fat..My skin sags and I look 100 years old..No more
fat to plump up my lines and wrinkles..I do not laugh and joke around like
I used to..I look gaunt and sickly..My friend is trying to get me to walk
proudly but it is hard to do..I walk with my head down...Everyone says I
should be proud of myself but sometimes I wish the "jolly/fun"
fat girl was still here...
— Suzanne S.
June 25, 2003
I started a support group and this seems to be a common problem with
post-ops. I'm sure it has a lot to do with a lifetime of seeing yourself a
certain way and with as quickly as we all lose weight, it seems our minds
just don't have enough time to adjust to the changes. That is my theory
anyway. I am really anxious to hear all the feedback you get from this
one. And if you happen to come up with anything really great please email
me. I also would like to find info and studies, to share with our group,
myself included. Good luck in your search, sorry I wasn't much help. :)
— Laurel C.
June 25, 2003
I don't have an answer for your self image question, but you mentioned that
even though you weigh 152, it's very possible that you look like you weigh
less. I've heard that when we have been overweight for such a long time,
our bone mass is greater so they can carry all that weight. So, it's more
than likely that your bones are making the scale go up. That's why a lot
of people are suprised that they are wearing a lower size than they used to
before they became overweight. For instance, if at 150 lbs. before you
became overweight, you were a size 14 and now you are a 10, it's because a
150 pound body post-surgery isn't as fatty as it was before, because of the
increased bone mass.
Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I've heard this from several places.
— Krista S
June 25, 2003
Dana and others- I'm struggling also with this, which I'm assured is normal
at one year post-op. One thing I have started doing is re-evaluating me
view of physical beauty in a woman. I take time to appreciate the art of
old, where real woman with curves were appreciated. I have a wonderful
photo of a model on my refrigator - not a thin model, but a model who is
size 12-14. She looks curvy, healthy, and beautiful. It is helping me to
accept my new body with all it's wonderful curves (of course now you can
see the curves :) Cheryl S -125lbs.
— Cheryl S.
June 25, 2003
I also experience this feeling though not continually. One thing that
helped me feel better about my body imagine is to avoid looking at myself
naked. I know it sounds crazy but when I'm drying off after a shower I
sometimes find that I over analyze or critique every bulge, bump, scar,
etc. However, in my clothes I feel better about myself. I even make jokes
by saying "I look good in my clothes but I'm a train wreck
underneath". So, now when I'm dressing or drying off after a shower I
avoid mirrors. It may seem silly but it's been helpful to me. I think
counseling is a great idea. In a perfect world it would be great if you
could see someone familiar with WLS but many counselors are educated in
body image issues. Best wishes to you and congratulations to you on your
wonderful success.
— ronascott
June 25, 2003
I went through the EXACT same thing as your going through. I truly didn't
feel better about myself until I had the tt. After looking at my pictures
when I was 140, I still looked like I weighed 250 pounds!! That huge
stomach and extra skin still makes you look bigger and feel bigger then you
really are. Unfortunately, that's what you see in the mirror. You don't
see the 100 pound weight loss that you accomplished. Once I had the tt,
after about 3 months, my self esteem shot up a 1000 percent!!! It really
did make a world of difference with the way I now perceived myself and how
others perceived me. Even though my insurance won't pay for my arms to be
done, I'm having that done on Friday because I don't like the way I look.
Once that excess skin is cut off, I'm sure I'm going to feel even better
with the way my body looks. I evenutally with have my thighs done but
again, I know I'll be paying for it out of my own pocket, but I feel it's a
necessity.
— Patty H.
June 25, 2003
I am 13 months post op and wearing a size 2 or 4. OK, the only store that
I wear a 2 at is GAP but it is now my favorite store for that reason. I
still don't see it. I mean I don't see that size 24 when I look in the
mirror I owuld say I see around a size 16. When I see myself in pictures
it is like looking at a stranger. I don't know when I will "see"
it.
— Linda A.
June 25, 2003
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I've heard it takes at least a year (some
say 18 months) for your brain to catch up with your new size, so give it
some time. I'm 22 months post-op, and am finally starting to have a more
realistic view of what I look like, although I certainly don't see myself
as "thin". I wear a size 8 at about 5'7", and weigh 155
although most people say I look about 125 - 130. When people say I'm
"thin", I don't actually believe them, but I'm starting to think
I look alright, although I complain about what I see as rolls, and what
others tell me is just "normal skin". BTW, about the
"gaunt" look, that does eventually go away. My skin has plumped
back up (finally!) and a good wrinkle cream has done wonders. I no longer
look like a crack addict. Hang in there, take pictures and videos of
yourself and look at them. Sometimes that helps you see yourself as you
"really" are. As the months go by, you'll begin to adjust to
your new reflection. It's soooo much a mind game and it's all part of this
journey. BTW, I never saw how really large I was either! I don't know who
that woman is in my before pictures, but she's way bigger than I was.
— mom2jtx3
June 25, 2003
I really can identify with this issue, I am now -122 pounds lighter than
last year, I am 14 months post op and still see my self at fat! I wear a
size 0, and weigh only 116 pounds and there are times i feel so fat in my
clothes and other times as i see my self nude after a shower, as so skinny
i look anorexic. The mental aspect is the hardest part to over come, I have
seen the same fat person in the mirror for so many years , this new person
who is looking back at me just seems like someone else. The brain will take
its time to catch up with the body . This is a normal part of the process.
I just hope my brain will soon catch up and tell me that i am skinny now
and the other lady will not be back in the mirror ever again.it is so easy
to believe when others say we are fat over the years and so hard when we
are told how skinny we are now, i have been called a bag of bones by a co
worker. but at times i still feel the fat.
— rhondan
June 25, 2003
Hi Dana, I think alot of us go through this...I'm almost 2 years out, and I
still have my days when I feel like I haven't accomplished a thing.
Everyone tells me I look great, I'm skinny (my dad told me to stop losing,
so I had to tell him I haven't lost anything since before Christmas, lol).
I'm 5'4" and at 153lbs, I'm wearing size 8/10s for the most part. And
Jenna, we're the same height, I don't know about build tho, but it seems I
was wearing 12s at 173 also. Even my 8s and 10s look huge to me
sometimes..just like my 28/30s...and I DID save my size 28/30s to remind me
when I start feeling this way. If you go to my profile and then to my
website, there's a pic of me in them about a month ago...Dana, I hope
things get better for you, I don't know how to help with the pychological
issues, I still wrestle with mine, but I do wish you luck! Denise 316/153
— lily1968
June 25, 2003
I am almost 2 years out, but I have been at or near my current weight for
quite a while. (135/140 sz 6) I am just now starting to see myself as how
I actually look. Just now believing the mirror. Can't say when that
happened..it just did. Now that I see 'thin' I kinda feel a bit guilty
about it. LOL--go figure.
— RebeccaP
Click Here to Return