Question:
Psychological problems after surgery.

First of all I would like to thank everybody who posts here. I have been lurking for a couple of months now and this site has been an invaluable source of information for me! I have been through the library and could not find any topic that pertained to my dilemma so I am hoping you kind souls will have suggestions. I had Lap RNY on 3/11/03. I went into this surgery very well-prepared but some old psychological issues are coming up. I have been in and out of therapy for over five years now and I am currently seeing a counselor. I was a self-injurer for over 18 years (I'm 28 now) but I have not self-injured in almost a year. Now that my two "best" albeit maladaptive coping techniques of eating and cutting are gone, I am feeling a strong urge to cut again. I am talking this over in therapy but I was just wondering if anyone may have had personal experience with this. I am not depressed, I'm actually quite excited about life and the changes I will experience so that is why this setback in my mental health is so upsetting. Thanks for any thoughts! Liz    — Liz V. (posted on April 10, 2003)

April 10, 2003
Hi Liz, First I want to say congrats for making such a great decision to better your life even farther. I was never a self-injurer, but I felt I could still send you a message. I was 100% ready to give up my foods, ready for this surgery, have been thinking about it for years. I had my surgery 1/24/03. Since, I feel the hardest part for me is the mental issues. This is not easy. But I need to fight this fight everyday. I have been eating the wrong stuff, and too much of it alot lately, and went into the kitchen last night to clean up, and had a strong urge to eat (again), so I quickly got the kids ready and went to the park. I had other addictions in my past too, and made it thru them ok, so I know I can make it thru this too. You have lost a large part of who who are (eating and cutting), now you need to shape your life into something else, something different. Start a new "healthy habit". It may be exercising, it may be reading, it can be anything to take up the time you are letting these other thoughts overwhelm you. I know how hard this is, trust me. All anyone can do for you is support you, and here on this website is alot of great support. You are the only one to make those decisions, those wonderful changes. Please don't go back to hurting yourself, you have come way to far to let that happen, and you know there can be other outlets. Let me know how you are doing, please. ~ Sandy
   — Sandy H.

April 10, 2003
Liz, cutting is a coping mechanism. And although you seem to be generally happy in your life and not depressed overall, there is some underlying issue. Maybe it is b/c of your new food intake. We sound quite similar. I used to do that as well, and surprised as to how many tennagers did that. I haven't in atleast 5 years and don't feel the urge, but your honesty should be commended. This is a hard thing to go through, and you're already taking steps in the right direction by asking for support and getting counseling. If it is the food, or lack thereof, that may be giving you the urge, maybe once you become further out and can eat a little more the urge will be gone. But keep it as an urge- don't act on it. And then eventually with counseling and being able to eat again, it may go away all together. It is difficult after WLS, we cannot eat "real" food for a few months and our bodies are constantly changing. I believe the previous poster said to take up some new things. Fight this urge with preoccupations of something else. Get involved with exercising. I used to hate it, but now I go all the time to combat some other obsessions! Try new things, it may take your mind off it. Have you tried medication? I truly wish you the best and e-mail me if you need to talk. ([email protected])
   — Lezlie Y.

April 10, 2003
I have never had a problem like this, or anyother problems except that I am a good cook and like to eat and I enjoy gardening,both veggies and flowers, so do you by chance live where you could grow a small garden? Even a patio garden is fun, I would think you would get such great enjoyment from this watching seeds or young bedding plants grow into something you could enjoy, the best part is the weeding, if you start to feel upset take it out on the weeds not yourself, so if your busy seeing the beauty you have created maybe it would get you in a differant mind set. :0) it really works good luck and keep up the good work and dont slip into old habbits, take control, enjoy life. I know this isnt what you were looking for I just wanted to try to help
   — wizz46

April 10, 2003
I am not terribly familiar with cutting but is there an OCD aspect to it? I ask because my surgeon made an interesting observation. He said that he has found that a high percentage of his Gastric Bypass patients have OCD (and anxiety disorders) and that when treated with medication have much better success with their surgeries. It makes sense to me because I always wondered how I could know I was making myself so unhealthy and unhappy but could continue to do it. For me it really was a full on compulsion. Much as I imagine the cutting to be. I am in a great group therapy for post ops and there is a woman there who is a cutter. Is therapy alleviating it at all? I am not a big proponent of meds but when they are needed they work wonders. You are brave and it sounds like you are doing all the right things. I wish that I could have gotten to the root of my eating issues before I had surgery, but I think that as long as I had the ability to gorge myself it was not going to happen. It seems so strange to have a new and bright outlook on my future and yet have the food demons really messing with me at the same time. I can identify with you a lot! Good Luck!
   — Carol S.

May 21, 2003
Hi Liz. It's been awhile since you asked the question but I'll add some anyway!:) Like you, my addictions were food and cutting with some burning thrown in there. I haven't cut in almost a year but I feel the urge a lot. Even when I'm happy. Maybe for you, the thought of starting a new life with new worries scares you. Everything will be so new and you "need" that security that you felt when you cut. I know that's like it with me. I felt secure when I cut. Food and a razor was all I needed to cope. But with this new life and new body, do you really want to tattoo your new body with more scars? It so much easier for someone to say'don't do it' But when you are in that trance, little else matters. Surround yourself with other activities. Writing works well for me. So does creativity. Just do something with your hands, it doesn't have to be perfect. Pick up some finger paints and make a mural of what you are feeling. Art is a great therapy tool!:) Please feel free to email me anytime. It helps to hear from someone with similar feelings as yourself. Stay safe!
   — Misty C.