Question:
I have 1st. consultation thurs. do u think its ok to bring my 13 yr. old daughter ?
she wants to come, We are very close I had her when i was 18 and she is mature for her age she knows everything about the surgery = risks and she wants to come,It is a hard decision for me its a 2 hr. drive and dont want to go alone my mom said she will come but I know she really dont want to the only thing she said was I hope I DONT HAVE TO WAIT THERE LONG HER AND i are not even close at all she does support the surgery in her own way But she told me on the phone tonite when I called her make sure you dont tell your sister I am going w/ u why I dont know my siter said the surgery will b good 4 me also,But the truth is I really dont want my mom to come and my husband really cant afford to take off,My daughter really wants to come and I want to bring her and enjoy her support more,But is it ok too? Please give me any advise you have THANK YOU..... — Kelliann S. (posted on September 17, 2002)
September 17, 2002
Take whoever you are most comfy with. I recommend your hubby since the two
of you will be going thru this together. You BOTH need educating. But if
thats not possible then your daughter should be ok. But DO attend support
group meetings with your hubby!
— bob-haller
September 17, 2002
Yes, definately bring her. If she wants to go and supports your decision,
then she is the ideal person to bring. She is your child so you know that
this will effect her too. Be glad that you do have support. And let her
give you her imput, it will make you both feel better about the surgery.
And most doctors want you to bring someone. You'll forget half the things
your doc said so she'll be able to help you remember all the facts.
— Sarah K.
September 17, 2002
My 13 year old Daughter goes everywhere with me,if it makes you
comfortable, by all means take her with you and make it a very special day
for the both of you, my daughter and I always do that.
— bikerchic
September 17, 2002
My little one goes EVERYWHERE with me. She's now 9. People are surprised
when I don't bring her with me (rarely), they just know to expect it. I've
never had a doctor say ANYTHING about her coming, watching, etc. She's
very mature. I have a medical background & feel its all life
experience for her.
— Shelly S.
September 17, 2002
Kelliann, I agree with what everyone has said that it is ok to bring her.
However, I just wanted to express my worry about sharing too much about WLS
with my daughter. I had my surgery almost two weeks ago. My daughter is 9
and of course she knew I had surgery, but I didn't tell her exactly why.
The reason for this is that I don't want her to think that my weight is
THAT big of a deal. I don't want her to have any more anxiety about her
own weight (which is healthy) than is normal for girls these days. Do you
know what I mean? I don't know if your daughter also has a weight problem,
but regardless, I think that it is important that you stress to her (and
that we all stress to our daughters) that our weight problems are health
problems and that people can be acceptable at any weight. In other words,
I don't want my daughter to think that I am doing this so that I can look
like a model because I don't want her to think that she has to look like a
model. At 13 your daughter is probably mature enough to handle this
distinction, but I think it is really important that you explain it to her.
During this time it may be even more important than normal that you
reaffirm her value and her beauty and be careful not to make harsh
statements about your own weight in front of her. I may be rambling, but I
just think this is really important.
— Amber L.
September 17, 2002
The doctor may want to see you alone first to talk about the risk. It is
more emotional to hear those things come from the doctor's mouth. I think
as long as she is not your main emotional support during this I then it is
okay. Many parents can put their child in an adult role before it is time
too. I know my step-sons mother did that and she depended too much on him
for her emotional support. Now that he is 18 he has very little to do with
her.
— Cheryl S.
September 18, 2002
Thank you for all who wrote, My daughter is
by far my only emotional support,But other people do work and my husband is
my best friend and I do have alot of emotional support from him my dad and
other friends,It is a closeness as a mom and daughter that my daughter and
I have,And I am her support always, And I am so HAPPY I have a daughter
that does want to come w/ me on her own,that is not a closeness I have ever
had w/ my own mom and I promised myself when she was born I would never be
cold and distant from her and Thank GOD it is the way I wanted it to be.But
I understand the concern But I never said she was my only emotional support
and it was a hard decision because I dont want her to hear anything that
will make her nervous and she will be in the waiting room when i talk to
the DR. about the real serious stuff, and my daughter has alot of esteem
and feels great about her body she knows it is for my health not my
looks,It was a hard decision for me but thank you all who understand and
for your support,You made my decision easier.LOTS OF THANKS
— Kelliann S.
September 18, 2002
Well the best and most loyal friend I've ever had is my elderly Mom. She
really did'nt want me to have WLS. I almost died from some gender related
surgeries I've had and have suffered MANY health related problems (and
still do) from them. It was'nt that she did'nt feel my pain (from being
heavy) but I'm sure she was very afraid I would die this time. Quite
frankly, I wondered too. However I brought her along at my consultation
too. I think it did help her some. Of course, she still rathered I did'nt
have it but supported me in my choice. Personally I think it's a great idea
to take your daughter! TAKE HER!!! :)
— Danmark
September 19, 2002
Hi Kelliann,
I feel that if your daughter wants to go, and if you would like her to be
a part of this, this would be a GREAT opportunity for her to ask her
questions too. She needs that. You are her mom, and she loves you. I am a
home health nurse, and when I have patients with small kids, I encourage
them to be a part of it, if they want. I guess that is because when my 2nd
child was born, I had some problems, and that scared my other child, who
was 6 at the time. But since he got to be a part of my treatment, hold my
hand, and get to know the people who took care of me, he felt soooooooo
much more comfortable with it. It will also make you feel like you have
her support, and understanding. She is not to young to understand. And
like always- we are more scared of what we don't know or understand.
GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU!!!!!
— Sandy H.
September 19, 2002
Hi Kelliann, I read your post, with my 15 yo daughter hanging over my
shoulder, she loves reading this site. I did not take my daugh to my first
consult, but once I was positive this is what I wanted to do, she became a
great supporter, and task master. My daughter has attended many of my
support meetings with me, my nutritionist meetings, and believe me, she
takes notes, and monitors my behavior (laughing). She is very proud of me,
and I enjoy her sharing this experience with me.
I have a lot of support, my husband has been very involved, my family and
friends, but for some reason my 15 yo has taken a very special interest in
my surgery and my success. I appreciate and enjoy her greatly.
I encourage you to share with your daughter as much as you feel she is able
to absorb and as much as she is interested in sharing. It will give her
confidence in your decision, and comfort knowing you are going to be okay
through this process.
Good Luck!
— Nene B.
Click Here to Return