Question:
Why am I still so angry all the time??
I know this is a deep issue so I will try to keep it as simple as possible. For those of us that have been overweight for most of our lives, I think you can relate. I have always had to deal with my anger. Being an overweight child, dealing with ridicule, being viewed as a bully. I blamed all of this on my weight. I always assumed it was because of my weight. I always thought it was because I was miserable on the inside because of my outside. Now that the weight is gone why am I still like this?? Anti-Depressants don't help. I've been through counseling and they to blamed it on my weight. I guess I just assumed it would go away. It's like sometimes I hate everyone and everything! Ridiculous as that sounds it's the truth. When I get attention from the opposite sex I get angry because I keep thinking a year ago you wouldn't give me the time of day so why should it be any different?? I know these are and can be dangerous thoughts and I need to deal with them. I am 9 months post op and at my goal so the last thing I want to do is screw it up. I've always been an emptional eater and don't want to go back to that cycle. As I am able to increase what I can eat I find myself making not so great choices. Am I depressed or am I angry? What the heck do I have to be angry about? It's like this uncrontrollable thing that just happens. The physical changes we go through I guess don't always eleminate the emotional ones. Hope this doesn't sound to weird or anything just want to know if anyone else has had to deal with this and what to do about it! — kristen H. (posted on June 27, 2002)
June 27, 2002
I can absolutely realte. I have not had my surgery yet but have a very
similar anger/frustration type problem. I have been on alot of
antidepressants over the years and have finally found one that makes me
feel like the me I know is in there. it is called CELEXA I also take
wellbutrin to help with one side effect of the drug. This drug seems to
give me back my fuse and some bit of control over my anger. I need that
and this has finally helped alot. Now I hope that the surgery on July
31st(YAHOO!) will help me with the weight part and I am going to seek
counseling after I've recevered from the actual surgery. You'll make it if
you can't find a Dr. that can help try another one. Congrats on you
getting to goal. I hope I can too. Penny :-)
— pcollin4
June 27, 2002
I am not sure what to tell you except that it may just take time.....I have
not yet had the surgery but I have thought about when I do lose this weight
and when the opposite sex hits on me and what not I know I will be thinking
well if i was 300 pounds heavier you wouldnt give me the time of day.....so
all i can say is give it time.....try to take your anger and beat up a
pillow....=0) Good Luck and god bless!
— EvningStar81
June 27, 2002
I haven't had my surgery yet, but I do know how you feel. Have you tried
exercising? It's a great stress-reliever/anger management tool, and it's
good for you, too. I find that when I'm really pissed/stressed/whatever, a
good long workout always makes things better. I think we in general are too
quick to get on the anti-depressants. Now I know they help people, so don't
everyone flame me, but just like we reach for food for comfort, we tend to
reach for the pills for a fix too. Sometimes we just need to take the long
hard road (exercise) - it's worth it!
— Angie M.
June 27, 2002
If you have gone to counceling and they blamed your anger on your weight,
then i think I would seek out another therepist. You are at goal and should
be able to find some happiness with that. You have to know that all of us,
being 300 pounds or whatever, is not attractive to a lot of people.
Unfortunately there are a lot of IGNORANT people out there who are rude and
thoughtless. Especially children. They can be so cruel to other children
just because they are different. My daughter was one to always be picked on
and teased when she was growing up. Not because of a weight problem, but
just because the other kids could sence she was a target and knew how much
it affected her. She grew up angry too. I told her one day that she had to
rise above it and quit being so angry all the time. Ya know, you only have
one short life on this earth and to live it being angry all the time
.....well, just seems to be a waste. You are at your goal weight now and if
you get attention now from the opposite sex, enjoy it. Another thing that
might help is to go to support group meetings if there are any in your
area. I am sure you aren't the first person to feel this resentment towards
people when they give you attention. Maybe there will be someone there who
can share their experience with you. I totally understand how you feel but
you need to try and be happy with the new you. Try to think of the
attention as a compliment. Most of the people probably didn't know you when
you were heavy. Now, if all of a sudden people that did know you in the
past wanted to be friends because of your weightloss, those are the people
I would tell to kiss my a**. Good luck to you. Hope you are able to find
the happiness you so much deserve.
— Kim B.
June 27, 2002
I know what you mean about being angry. Sometimes I hate everyone and
everything as well. (Although I have a terribly stressful job.) Plus,
since surgery I have a really short fuse. I'm 8 weeks post-op and have
lost 50 pounds. So I can't comment on people's reactions to you. However,
I have noticed more people looking at me lately. It doesn't really bother
me. I think my anger is deeper and something I need to bring up to my
therapist this weekend. Hey, at least you know you're not alone! Take
care.
— Jennifer A.
June 27, 2002
Kristen, Congrats to you. I also have to face the same issues. I have a
hard time accepting complements from ANYONE, it is so new... I was
invisable for so long, and now I can be seen by others. I was told by a DR
to say " thank you" and leave it at that. Accept the complement.
Also she told me that I am worthy of attention, we all are, no matter what
size. I have started to say Thank you to those that notice my hard work
and just smile. that was a hard thing to do, but after trying it several
times and not letting it eat at me it does help, I can let it go with a
deep breath and a smile and know I am healthier and happier than I was 10
months ago. You are correct though about the anger staying inside, but
remember you are not the same person as when you were heavier. You are
healither and perhaps you just have a healthy glow about you that attracts
others now. Enjoy your new life and keep up the good work.
— Deborah H.
June 27, 2002
Kristen, I understand completely how you're feeling. I was much that way
myself- angry at the world for not giving me a fair shake on oh so many
levels. The very best thing I did was get to a great therapist. It may
take you a few tries to find a good one, but they are out there. I believe
that you need to work this out in your head so that your inside and outside
match better. And, as someone else said, exercise is a GREAT way to blow
off steam about anything that's got you angry. Do it regularly, and I bet
you'll find that that helps a little too. Good luck to you!
— Loretta E.
June 27, 2002
I don't know if this is the case with you BUT I know that I tend to have
hormonal fluctuations that can cause EXTREME irritability. After surgery I
was about ready to bite everyone's head off! LOL I take birth control pills
(even though I know they aren't absorbed well enough to prevent pregnancy)
and it helps me GREATLY. I am able to see the world as it is--not thru a
constantly changing hormonal haze! =) It just helps me to be "evened
out." BTW, this is not something I told my dr, I just said I wanted
the BCPs for birth control, but I went thru this in college and when it
happened again I knew the BCPs would help. And they did!
— ctyst
June 27, 2002
I agree w/ Kim B. Find another therapist. There is help, and the cause
could be a number of things, and a good therapist will help you find out
what it is. Chemical (sp)imbalnce or whatever. There are some great self
help books out there too to help. LOUISE L HAY is a great auther to start
with. "You can heal your life" and "The power is within
you" Maybe your library has them. Good luck...
— Marie A.
June 27, 2002
One thing that the doctor told me before my surgery was that emotional
issues will not go away with surgery. Depression, low self esteem, etc.
are not necessarily effects of the weight. Often times we hear how weight
is the effect of the low self esteem and depression. It's very normal to
be angry with the world for ignoring the wonderful fat people we were and
now accept us because we are physically attractive. But I think that we
must learn to love ourselves first and foremost and stop putting so much of
an emotional investment in what people think about us. My two cents: Look
for another therapist, one that you truly feel comfortable with. Ask your
nutritionist for a recommendation. Good Luck
— Jeannet
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