Question:
The more weight I lose the more I think I am fatter

I am 4 1/2 months post op. I started at 213 and am now 145. The more weight I loose the more critical I get of myself. I can shop now in "normal" stores ( the limted and express) and I think everyone is starring at me because I am so fat. I feel fatter now and more critical. I even sometimes take a laxative if I think I ate to much that day. HELP!    — [Anonymous] (posted on November 29, 2001)

November 29, 2001
No offense, but from the small bit of info that you posted, I think you need a support group or therapist... sounds to me like the start of the mindset of anorexia.
   — [Anonymous]

November 29, 2001
I agree that you need to get some professional help before you get in too deep. These are things I worry about as a pre-op as well. While we are overweight, we can't even be a part of popular culture. We're ostrasized, and in a way that protects us from the insanity of how even normal women obsess over their bodies. This could definitely be the start of something very dangerous. I have known of so many girls and women become anorexic and if you keep it up you will kill yourself. Please get some help and stop a problem before it starts! It is much easier to head it off at the pass than it is to fix it once you're in the thick of it. You have done so well and I'm sure you are much more beautiful than you give yourself credit for (and you probably realize that too). Take care of yourself and do get some help. I have been seeing a psych since I was 8 and they really do help sometimes. Good luck!
   — [Anonymous]

November 29, 2001
I saw your post and it reminded me of the way that I felt one at one point in my life after I had lost about 35-40 pounds. I started at 185 and got down to about 145-150. Physically I felt great!!! I was running and rollerblading in Central Park (lived in NY), and truly felt like I was happy for the first time in years. This was the lowest weight that I had been since junior high school. I started to feel inadequate and completely self-conscious. I noticed every little flaw in myself. The biggest issue for me was the attention from friends and guys, especially guys. I looked great, but could not handle the attention. Quite simply, I did not know what to do. Having been overweight all my life, I was not used to guys wanting to be around me because the actually liked me and wanted to date me. I was used to having a lot of male friends and being "the funny one". I was very ill prepared to fall into the role of potential girlfriend. I also began to be very hard on myself and not praise myself for the accomplishment that I had made. I would see people that I had not seen in a long time and they would say "WOW, you look great" and "It's amazing" all the time, and I freaked out. I had no idea that part of the weight loss would be that I was at the center of attention all the time. I felt as if I needed to be perfect all the time, as if a mistake would be beyond me. I kept the weight of for about a year and a half and then it started to creep back on and then some. Point is, being overweight has been such an identifying tool for many of us all of our lives, we find it difficult to slip into the new roles that we have created for ourselves. Of course, now I know what happened and what went wrong, and truly wish I could go back and fix things. I am now 230 pounds and miserable as I am sure you were when you were tipping the scales at 200+. I think it would be beneficial for you to talk to someone. Usually insurance co's allow for a certain amount of visits to a CSW(certified social worker).Maybe this will help you move into your new world, and recognize what an amazing and positive change that you have made in your life. This surgery corrects your physical health, but it does nothing for your emotional and mental health. We all ate for some reason, and we all probably have a pretty good idea about what that reason is. You need to start focusing on your emotional and mental health, because you obviously have the physical part down. I am sorry this is so long, but I felt it may help. Good Luck to you!!
   — Tara J.

November 29, 2001
Initially I couldnt see the difference in myself till I saw a pphoto of me taken at a wedding. WOW I was shocked, so you might get a picture taken of yourself and compare with a old photo. Your problem is common and often goes away after awhile, get counseling if it bugs you, but you might just give it time. Are minds and bodies go thru a hugh adjustment and its not a overnight thing.
   — bob-haller

November 30, 2001
I feel the same way that you do and I think there are a lot of us out there. I wear an 8 -- but when I go shopping start out looking at larges -- and end up with smalls. When I get dressed in the morning, I always ask "do I look fat?" "does my butt look too big?" My husband now answers by laughing -- and says you can't possibly look fat -- you look skinny. I know it sounds vain -- and I'm not asking because I want a compliment -- but I still see the same old me -- and the only time I see how I really look is in photographs -- so I try to take them. I've had surgery on my thighs and arms, and will have my tummy tuck in a few months -- and hopefully that will get me out of this -- if not, though, I'm going to find a psychologist to help me.
   — Audrey M.

November 30, 2001
If it helps any - the psychologist in our suport group says that it has been her experience that after post-ops get to goal weight, it takes another year for them to actually see the new person - so you sound totally normal to me - I have not made goal yet - but I am down 101 lbs and still have a hard time seeing it - I have 78 to go and only see that I have 78 to go until I look at "before" pictures.....then I can see it :)
   — Sharon Jones

December 2, 2001
Oh my god, I thought that I was the only one. I was 310 and now am 174. I know I have lost alot but I feel huge. Even bigger than I did before. I have more issue with feelings of insecurity. I have never really been that insecure but I feel like everytime someone looks at me it is because I am big and fat a gross. I would never assume it was because they thought I looked nice. I even yelled at a man because he was looking at me, I think that I scared the crap out of him. I am actually thinking about getting therapy or something.
   — Tracy C.