Question:
How do you deal with people treating you differently after you lose the weight?

I am 4 months post op and I have lost 70lbs I am currently 150 and a size 10. People treat me so differently now. Guys pay more attention to me as if I am worth their time and people listen more to what i Have to say. This drives me crazy and frankly makes me sick that society is this superficial. How do you deal with this?    — Jennifer L. (posted on November 14, 2001)

November 13, 2001
well, the way I feel might be a little different......for friends and family I will really enjoy the compliments.....for neighbors, well........when I moved into this neighborhood 2 years ago, everyone was friendly enough to introduce themselves........but that is it. They barely say Hi now if they even do that. I walk by and look at them so I can say "hi" and they don't even look at me. SO, when I get this weight off and then MAYBE they want to be friendly, they can kiss my ass! I've lived without their friendliness for 2 years, I don't need it now.
   — Kim B.

November 13, 2001
This was a difficult thing for me too. I was a size 30/32 when I had my surgery and I'm down to a 16. Also, I didn't have any problems with excess skin. I lost weight all over and I tightened up better than I had hoped. I pretty good and the difference is truly amazing. It's been thee years and my family'friends/co-workers still can't get over it. Plus I'm getting attention from men...which is a whole new experience for me! At first all the compliments and attention made me very uncomfortable...even angry sometimes. Because many of the same people who ignored me when I was fat, heaped on the compliments and praise and even wanted to be friends when I had lost weight. My co-workers and my manager respect my opinions more now. I'm at the point now where I accept that we live in a superficial society that judges us by our appearance and being "fat" is still considered to be unattractive. It's wrong, hurtful and unfair...but I can't change society. I just accept that losing weight has opened doors for me and give me opportunities that I wouldn't have had at my former size. I just accept the compliments graciously and look forward to the time when people forget that I wasn't always this size.
   — [Anonymous]

November 14, 2001
Jenifer relax and enjoy your new you!! Thats how people are.Its nice to have people notice you too and if you got the face to go with your new body" LOOK OUT GIRL" the men will flock to you!!! I know so well how men will react.Massive weight loss will be notice by your fiends and co-workers but your mug has to have it going on as well. I use to see it in the night clubs. Being thin is one thing but men want a face to knock them dead in their tracts.As for me revenge is mine!! I know this is bad to say and admitt but its true. I was never heavy until 11 years ago. I was bug constantly everywhere!! When I had my last 2 babies I blew up to the size of the house!! and stayed that way ever since. I already know what I will be going through and when the guys start coming around acting stupid well lets just say they will be walking away holding something in their hands!! The better looking you are the sweeter the revenge!! I am going to treat them like they treated me. Most men will be ignored and dismissed. Of course, the only man in my life is my boyfriend who I plan on marrying sometime next year. He is one of a kind and Iam glad he is mine too. He fell in love with me for the person Iam, not what I use to look like. He thinks Iam very sexy and beautiful now. He must be crazy in love!!! So when I return to the old me, its all about my kids and my husband and the rest of the world can kiss my A**!!!!
   — Laura G.

November 14, 2001
I appreciate most of the compliments I get about my weight loss. I really enjoy them, actually. The only time I get uncomfortable is in a group setting: Example: I was at a family dinner a couple of weeks ago with about 10 people and my dear mother (I know she means well) says, " Oh, look everyone, Kim has lost over 130 lbs, doesn't she look great?" I was mortified! I was really upset about it and almost had to leave the table. I wonder why she does things like that. Sometimes I wonder if she does it to purposely embarass me.
   — Kim B.

November 16, 2001
I agree that you should just enjoy it! I have lost 110lbs since February and although I still have 40 more to go I am a size 14 for the first time in years. I think it is hilarious to see the double takes from people, especially men, who haven't seen me since surgery and I love the compliments from just about anyone who wants to give me one. I guess I feel like I know I didn't look good or healthy at 289lbs so I should appreciate when someone notices how the hard work I have done has paid off. It kind of feels like getting a new toy every day when I fit into a different size or get a ton of compliments. My best friend jokingly said she was getting me a gold plated shoehorn for Christmas because if my head gets any bigger from all the attention I won't fit through the door! She is great! Have fun and enjoy it while it lasts!
   — Kelli B.

November 22, 2001
I with the two posters who said "they can kiss my fat a##!" (Hopefully not fat anymore). lol I never had a weight problem until my 20's and I must say it hurts like holy heck when people won't look you in the eyes. One woman would'nt even say hi to me when I waved. Now that I've lost over 100 pounds she comes around and is just as nice as can be. I tried to avoid her, but don't want to be rude. However if I can avoid people like this then I will. Jerks. If I was'nt good enough for them before, then I'm not now ether! I don't forgive and forget. But I won't let it bother me ether. Their opinion is'nt worth a thing to me. They have'nt walked in our shoes. But I do notice that people talk to me now and there is eye contact. Feels great. I sure hope I never treat other obese people the way I was. It something I never want to take for granted.
   — Danmark

November 23, 2001
Ok, I'm going to play Devil's advocate on this one. I'm only saying this because I think that hanging on to biterness from the past defeating and hurting only yourselves, forget the past hurt and the past scorn. Maybe if you think back to the time before surgery, you'll notice you carry yourself differently now and maybe it's because you dare to long around more that you notice people looking at you, sometimes being gregarious, out-going and confident is the biggest difference, not the weight loss but the way it makes you feel, hang-on to the good feeling and enjoy the attention, don't spoil this for yourself by being bitter and resentful. That's just me though pre-op and ready to be checked-out. Diane
   — Diane B.