Question:
Having a hard time "imagining" myself as slender...but I surely want it.

I've been considerably overweight my entire adult life. I hit the 200# mark as a junior in HS and have NEVER weighed less than that since. Well, I'm now nearly 6 months post-op (down almost 75#) and will hopefully break that 200# mark within the next few months. I realize that I'm going to be the "same" person then as I am now, (there's just going to be a lot LESS of me) and that's ok. My surgeon has set my weight goal at 137#. I can "imagine" myself weighing less than 200#, but imagining my life weighing 137# is WAY too hard to visualize. Even now, I know I'm healthier and I look a whole lot better than I did pre-op at 288#, but I don't (mentally) "feel" skinnier. Am I simply guarding my heart because of my past failures, in denial, or am I just plain crazy? Has anyone else had this "problem"?    — [Anonymous] (posted on August 16, 2000)

August 16, 2000
Oh, I was so glad to read your question. Sometimes I feel like I am a fat person masquerading as a skinny (okay, skinnier, not quite skinny yet) person. Even though I am wearing clothes I haven't even considered for more than two years, I still do not think of myself as thin yet in my head. I only had surgery 3 1/2 months ago, maybe I need more time to adjust to this new thought process. I have lost 74 pounds and am within 15 pounds of reaching my goal, and I simply can't imagine feeling happy with how I look. Maybe I (we?) just need time once we reach our goals to get used to the idea that we are not going to wake up fat the next morning and settle into our new selves?
   — [Anonymous]

August 16, 2000
I wish I could say that yeah, at year 3, you suddenly know who you are and are thrilled senseless. I AM thrilled senseless with my wt loss, but am pretty clueless about how I look. One day recently, I caught a glimpse of my figure as I walked by and thought, "Not so bad, better than that even." Does that sound vain? Well, it did to ME and I immeidately picked my figure apart. If you are female, I'm not sure we can ALLOW ourselves to be OK--ever. From the time we are kids, we're programmed to have a smaller waist, more slender hips, larger uppers, smoother skin, no wrinkles, no freckles, no moles, and so on. Even IF I had the best figure on earth, I would be duty bound to pick apart my hair, teeth, skin, etc. That bit unloaded, I say that there comes a time when we can accept it (whatever it is) because it fits within a criteria we deem allowable. I can weigh under a certain number & fit under a certain size, even on a fat day. I think I can honestly say that I'm still a bit confused about the looks thing. I know I feel good, lab work is great, list my only "condition" as having had WLS and now look "normal" in public. And that's a LOT to be thankful for, even if I don't know what I look like! I might add that my husband, who also had WLS, doesn't know WHAT I'm talking about. He knows exactly what he looks like and accepts the new body without question.
   — vitalady

August 16, 2000
I am three years post op and still ahve a hard time with the body image thing. For the first year every time I walked past a mirror I did a double take! I think it gets easier, but when I am doing my laundry I still wonder who those tiny little clothes belong to.
   — Terry M.

August 17, 2000
You're not crazy, and I think a lot of us go through this. I am 3 months post op and have lost 65 pounds, with which I am very pleased. What's interesting to me is to note how much of our own perceptions are linked to other people's perceptions. When I tell my mother (who is thin) about my weight loss, her stock question is always "But can you tell?". I have been able to see differences since I came home from the hospital, but it takes a while for other people to see those differences, especially when we start out so heavy. At 233 I am still heavy, but it's a lot better than the 298 I started with and will get even better. I too will be hitting the 200 mark soon, and I can't wait. I never thought it would happen. Think about where your feelings are coming from. Do they come from you or are you reacting to other's perceptions? A piece of advice I heard pre-op I think is true. Don't hesitate to see a therapist before, during and after WLS. We're going through major physical and emotional changes. If you think your feelings are becoming a problem and a barrier to a healthier you, don't hesitate in seeing someone. Best of luck to you.
   — Paula G.

August 17, 2000
Fifteen years ago I lost 110 pounds in 18 months. I had not weighed so little since I had been 15 (my thinnest adult weight has been 195). When I reached the 200 pound mark I was very disoriented. I would find myself staring at my face in the mirror and seeing someone who looked vaguely familiar but not quite "right." What was more disorienting is that people around me started treating me differently. They made a point of talking to me and being nice to me and taking me seriously. Part of it was that I was more socially acceptable and valuable as a thinner person in our cultural milieu. Part of what of was happening had to do with changes in me. I was taking better care of myself and feeling better about myself. You don't go through drastic physical changes without experiencing some emotional shifting and sorting. Sometimes we need help and sometimes it just takes becoming acclimated to our new circumstances.
   — Nanette T.

August 17, 2000
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're normal (sorry -- LOL)! Body image is something the morbidly obese have struggled with for as long as we've struggled with the weight. I once heard the kind of dissonance we have about what we really look like and how we see ourselves as "looking into the mirror and seeing nothing". Before my surgery, I was walking around at 343 pounds and thinking I didn't look any different than anyone else; in fact, only when I was presented with something that pointed out I WASN'T like everybody else (couldn't haul my fat butt through a turnstile, got winded tying my shoes, etc.) did it even really cross my mind, although occasionally I'd get a peek at myself standing sideways and darn near pass out from shock. Now, four months post-op (and 85 pounds lighter) I'm still having difficulties -- but nice ones. I have no idea what size I am when I'm trying clothes on. I still think "there's no way this thing will fit" as I put on something from the "thinner" end of my closet and it slides on like a dream. Seeing myself -- REALLY seeing myself -- is something I try to work on every day. That helps. It also helps to remember that I'm not a number on a size tag or on a scale -- I'm me, and much more than any label I'd like to give myself. Good luck and positive thoughts!
   — Cheryl Denomy