Question:
How do you deal with people telling you.

People that don't even know me well have the nerve to express to me that i have lost enough weight and that i need to stop. how do i deal with these people??? 235 now 135 (surg.10-30-02)I would actually like to be 120 and now feel like maybe i shouldn't. help there bring my newly found confedence down.    — Viv D. (posted on September 3, 2003)


September 3, 2003
First of all, congrats on your weight loss!!! Secondly you should know that people will ALWAYS put their two cents in. I have 2 small children and I am always told that they are dressed too warm/cold, I'm feeding them too little/much, etc--by complete strangers. I was also told when I was visibly preg with my son (my kids are 19 months apart), isn't that too soon to have another? AGain, complete strangers. You know your healthy weight. If you are actually concerned check a height/weight chart, check your new BMI, or ask your PCP. I'm sure you know what's best for you and no one else. Do not let anyone get in the way of you acheiving your goals. "Advice should only be given in two cases, when requested or when in a life or death situation."
   — Susan M.

September 3, 2003
Couple of comments to say to them, you choose: 1. "Thank you Dr. so-in-so" Smile and remind them that you are under a surgeons care once a month, and he is pleased. 2. If they keep bothering you, why not try being honest and say, "When you say those things to me, how do you think it makes me feel?" Wait and expect an answer. IF they give you a stupid answer, correct them by telling them how it is NOT helping. Then ask them if their intention is to build you up, or tear you down. If they answer to build you up, or to help, then tell them not to say that again, and give them a few examples of things they CAN say that would be helpful. I find that being sincerely honest, always works like a charm and feels oh so good! YOU GO YOU SKINNY THANG!!!
   — Michele B.

September 3, 2003
When people say that to me I just tell them that with this surgery you lose a lot of weight and your body will make the adjustments for you. If I were to go to low of weight my body will adjustment and I would gain a few pounds back.My surgery wt. was 230 now it,s 125.
   — charanewme

September 3, 2003
Viv -- I was at 378 when I started my journey and my mom and dad saw me at 278, then not again until I was at 158, and they were in shock. I still had about 20 lbs to lose and they were constantly on my case to eat more, stop losing weight, and worrying... I think people (most, not all... some have darker purposes!) just get worried that you will go too far, having been overweight for so long, and they worry about our health. My dad went from wanting to lock me into my bedroom and only feed me what he could slide under the door (his words!!) to wanting to force feed me -- in 18 months! Just tell them that you have a handle on it and you are under an excellent doctor's and nutritionist's care and are doing what you know is right for your body. Thank them for their concern, give 'em a hug, and tell them that you are okay! :~) They need more reassurance than we do sometimes! LOL! :~) Hugs!
   — Sharon m. B.

September 4, 2003
Hi Viv- I am still pre-op and can only dream of the day someone will tell me I've lost too much, LOL. I tend to get the negative comments on the other end of the spectrum, about being overweight. To the (im)perfect strangers who are making negative comments to you, I would say "Now, how does that concern you?". I have used this response on many occasions and it seems to do the trick :o) Good Luck, and congrats on your loss! Mea
   — Mea A.

September 4, 2003
I heard two questions in here: 1) what do I say to people who comment?, and 2) should I adjust my goal based on these comments? I think a fine response is "thanks for your concern. I'm working with a medical team on my weight loss, and we're all looking out for my health first." In regards to the second question (should you change your goal), I refer you back to my suggested response to comments. Do work with your medical team (surgeon, PCP and dietitian) to determine a healthy goal weight. If the medical concensus is that 120 is fine, then you go. If the medical team thinks that's an unhealthy weight, then adjust up based on their medical advice. You've done fabulously, congratulations!
   — Vespa R.

September 4, 2003
Is 120 a realistic weight for your height? What size are you at 135? Sometimes we are not our best judges of what a healthy weight is or looks like. My surgeon wanted my goal weight to be 15 pounds less than I wanted-I won. At a size 10, I get lots of compliments and have never wanted to be a lower size. It wouldn't look good on my body frame. My younger sister who is the same height as me but a different frame is a size 6 and looks good. Ask some close friends to give you a frank appraisal of how you look, and that can help you decide. Ultimately, its your decision and in your control where you want to end up, but certainly don't let it shake your confidence.
   — Cindy R.

September 4, 2003
My best friend told me to stop losing weight cause she thought I was looking 'gaunt' at 160lbs. After my PS I did gain weight to where I was pre PS at 170 and thats where I am now and Holding! I would LOVE to be at 150 so I could say I had lost half of me but my body is comfortable at 170 (I also look about 15-20lbs thinner). I'm happy in the size 8 I am and if I don't get to 150, Thats fine! Actually I would look gaunt at that weight! So, just go by what your body is telling you and don't focus on the number.
   — Kris T.

September 4, 2003
When I got to 200 my brother said I should stop! Geese, I'm only 5'3 1/2. That is way to much weight. I had hoped to get to 129 or 130. But my body seems to like 162-164. Yeah since I was 200 lbs seems like everyone said to stop losing. I pay it no mind. This is my body and I have to live in it. I just say I need to lose more and then change the subject.
   — Danmark

September 4, 2003
When setting my goal weight, I spoke to my doctor, reviewed my BMI, and tried to look objectively at my body. I asked myself, "Is that extra padding or extra skin?" Then I just waited to see where my new setpoint seemed to be. I think most people react strongly to our new look, and they get scared when we look so different. Then they tell us to stop losing weight - because our "old self" seems to have disappeared. Our friends and family are shocked and scared by the change. So.... my advice.... evaluate their statements with a grain of salt, then consult yourself and your doctor. If you decide to keep losing, just ignore the comments and do what you want. Smile at their comments, and agree that you've really lost a lost of weight. Tell them your doctor tells you that your body will naturally settle in at whatever new weight is healthiest for you.
   — Kathy J.

September 11, 2003
I am 5' 11" and weigh 212...according to the BMI charts I am suppose to weigh about 175-180. So in my eyes, I still have more weight to lose. Anyway, I had a coworker come up to me, poke my gut and say "look at you, you skinny twerp!!" Now this was meant to be a compliment, but I would NEVER walk up to someone and do that!! Anyway my point is, do what you and your surgeon feel is best, and don't let others interfere. Good luck :o)
   — fropunka




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