Question:
Negative feedback from people about wanting surgery
Hi, I'm wanting to prove some people wrong. Whenever I tell friends or family that I'm wanting to have the gastric bypass RNY surgery, all I ever hear is negative feedback and I'm sick of it! One of the repeat comments I hear is: "I know someone who has had it and gained all of the weight back" or "I know someone who has had it and is still big". First of all, I'd like to believe otherwise and I feel like each person has control over their weight loss and can maintain their loss by using common sense and not going back to their old habits. I know WLS is not an "easy way out", with this surgery I will have to control the demons that make me want to reach for food for comfort & seek help if I can't do it on my own, I will have to exercise and eat healthier. All of this I'm aware of. Can someone please help me prove these people wrong by telling me how long you've kept your weight off SUCCESSFULLY years after your surgery? I'm so SICK of all of the negative attitudes people have about this surgery and I want to a positive rebuttal for each and every one! I'm actually starting to consider shutting my mouth and not telling anyone else, for fear I'm going to get angry and shout all my frustrations at the next person who tells me this is a 'bad' thing. Thanks for your help — Tricia K. (posted on July 16, 2002)
July 16, 2002
Read Michel Curran's ( I think that's the right spelling) profile. I just
read it and I believe she had her surgery in 1994, along with her husband
and they have still maintained their weightloss.
People alway's have something negative to say about topics they are
completely ignorant about. I would ignore those people, do your own
research and know that when you make your decision you have made it for you
and not for your family or friends.
— Hotdiva
July 16, 2002
I told very few people before my surgery. I had negative feedback just
from those few including from my own family. Now I am two months post op
down 60 pounds, diabetes is gone, and my blood pressure is normal for the
first time in years. Two of the people that had said the negative comments
are now on a waiting list to get surgery themselves. And my family now
thinks it was the best thing I ever did.
— Linda A.
July 16, 2002
I had surgery May 29,2002 and I can relate to your issues of neg. feedback.
My husband was the only one who really gave me good support. All other
co-workers and family freaked out and did not want me to have it. Now that
I am down 42 pounds in 6 weeks and everyone sees such a big difference in
me...they are all excited for me. Realize that the main reason they are
negative about the surgery is because they are uneducated about it. Do
what you feel is right because you are the one that has researched your
surgery. Once they see you being successful they will forget the negative
words. Maybe you should not say anything else to people about the surgery.
I told everyone and then said nothing else. Good Luck.
— Cindy M.
July 16, 2002
I have not had my surgery yet (Open RNY 8/6/02), but my brother had it done
about a year ago, and he lost a total of 140 lbs, he did gain back about
20-30 lbs....BUT (here I go!) 1. He had no exercise regimin until he
started gaining 2. At 3 months he was eating very large portions and
flushing it through (with pop!) and finally 3. HE DID NOT EDUCATE HIMSELF
AHEAD OF TIME!!!! My boss also has just recently had the RNY done and she
also was very uneducated about what to expect and at 2 months she's
miserable all the time (eats 2 eggs and toast in less than 10 minutes -- my
guess is she is not chewing enough) anyways, back to your question. If you
are educated about what you are doing, things will be fine, I am very
optimistic about my journey, because I have read it all- good and bad - and
I know that I can do it. Educate your family and if they continue to be
negative - don't push it. Just remember, a year from now they will all be
telling everyone what a miracle this is and how it helps people. Good
luck!
— Dana B.
July 16, 2002
That is EXACTLY the reason I told NO ONE outside of my immediate family. To
this day, (I'm 10 months post-op and have lost 120 pounds) I never had to
listen to that negative baloney. People still do not know I had surgery. I
don't want them sitting around smuggly waiting for me "to gain the
weight back" and give them more to gossip about, because it ain't
happenin'!
— artistmama
July 16, 2002
I am 16.5 months post-op, and I can believe you could regain all your
weight if you worked hard enough at it. At this point, an average meal for
me is a Lean Cuisine with 1/2 c. fruit or 1 sandwich. If I eat meals like
this 3-4 times/day, I will continue to lose. If I eat meals like this 6-10
times/day, I stop losing. Common sense, no? So is it possible to regain?
YES. Is it likely? Not if you're following the basic common sense
guidelines on this site. You'll be fine. Believe that yourself, and you
won't have any trouble.
— Terissa R.
July 16, 2002
I normally don't post often,but this one caught my attention.I too have
heard alot of negative comments when you mention it to people that you are
planning to have the WLS.Being a pre-op,thats the last thing that we want
to hear from anyone.I just joined a support group which is wonderful,and
this site also is a "safe-haven"for overweight people to come
to.And to Jim's post earlier,it's successful people like you that inspire
the rest of us to hang in there and go after what we want,which for most of
us is the chance to live a normal healthy life for once.Keep the positive
postings coming and that will help ignore the negative comments from
ignorant people.Ok i'm done rambling on.......lol.Good luck to everyone
thats pre-op like me,and congrats to all of the post-ops out there!!
Huggss to all and take care......
— kim M.
July 16, 2002
I also had so many negative comments and harsh criticism. My dad even
offered to pay for a life time of weight watchers if I didn't have the
surgery. He couldn't pay me enough NOT to have it!! My mom-in-law patted
my back like a child and said, "honey, make sure you really think
about what you are doing", like I was some kind of idiot. I had done
all my research. I wanted to pat her back and say something in that
motherly tone that she spoke to me, but I bit my tongue. My dad is wow'ed
every time I come into town, tells me how very good I'm looking! Haven't
seen the inlaws just yet, but only 2 more months and I will, and they will
be eating their words!! I am 10 lbs. from goal and it is ABSOLUTELY the
VERY BEST thing I have ever done for myself!! YOU do what is best for
YOU!! They don't have to 'walk a mile in your shoes'.
— Cheri M.
July 16, 2002
My surgery is scheduled for 8/15/2002 and I've heard tons of negative. My
boss even sat down the other day and told me he was worried I was having
this, because his father had a friend who had WLS and died. Education and
resolve is the key to combatting the negatives. When I pressed my boss on
why the person died, it was because he went back to his old eating patterns
and had severe complications. So I've vowed to myself to meet negatives
with education and it has doubled my resolve that I will be committed to
what I'm told to do so that I can be successful. Yes, people do have
problems, but many of them are self inflicted. But my nutritionist and
my doctor know what work and if I follow that--even through the hard times,
I can't help but be successful. I've said that so much to people the
negatives are turning to positives.
— Cathy S.
July 16, 2002
Cheri, your answer cracked me up. Like you found a pair of socks on sale
& were going to grab them without a thought. I know my own dad said
that pushing away from the table would fix me right up. New concept, huh?
Like when did he ever see me NOT on a diet, serving dinner to everyone
& having water myself? Sheesh. My circle was mixed, some for, some
against. I've done all right, I think. 8 yrs shortly, still at a
reasonable weight, lungs work, feet work, hips work, BP's & cholesterol
are normal, and I'm not anemic for the first time in my life. I mean, where
is the regret factor here? Yes, I supplement & use a dozen
"tricks" to maintain health & weight, but the diff is THEY
WORK NOW. My husband is 7 yrs out, also happy he did, but not as gabby as
I am.
— vitalady
July 16, 2002
Boy do I know how you feel! I had a lot of people tell me horror stories
before my surgery. But, I would always smile and say, "well thank you
for caring about me so much, but I'm gonna be different than 'so and
so'" And almost always, the person would leave me alone. And so far,
eight months later and 95 pounds lighter, my ending is the direct opposite
from "so and so!" Now, I get the good ol' "well you're a
success story!" LOL! PEOPLE WILL NEVER STOP!
— ravikamor
July 17, 2002
Hi,
All I can think of is when I was diagnosed with Lupus. At least three
people came to me and said, "I know someone who died from that".
The moral of the story, when people don't know what to say they shouldn't
say anything at all!!!!
Do what you must do for you. For many of us, it is the first time in our
lives that we put ourselves first. Go for it girl. I did and have NO
regrets.
Best wishes,
— Ann B.
July 17, 2002
I TOTALLY agree with Ann's post. Why are the ignorant so vocal??? Did
anyone read the letters to the editor in last week's people regarding
Carnie??? One applauded her efforts, one said that her having plastic
surgery was a said testimony to how vain she had become (okay, so she
didn't spell out FUNGUS! in the article, but WE know better), and then
another said that it was a shame that she "threw money" at her
problem, then laid back and let others fix it for her, with no effort from
her. Somewhere in there said to quit featuring people like her that
"took the easy way out" and to feature a woman who lost weight
the hard way. Sounds like some 300 pound woman on the yo-you diet plan
(been there, done that) who resents her success! Regardless, we all know
how STUPID these criticisms are, and how far from the truth they are, but
after stewing about it out loud for a couple of hours, I just went back to
the "some people are SO clueless!!" perspective. If only they
knew how clueless they are!
— Karen F.
July 17, 2002
If their negativity is really getting to you, find a support group and
listen to the people talk. You will find out that these people were dying
BEFORE surgery, not after. Some of them can list 8 surgeries they have had
in two years (two knees, two hips, one back, etc...), talk about all the
blood pressure medicines and diabetic complications and then say
"TODAY, thanks to WLS, I have lost 50 pounds, don't need a wheelchair
anymore, and my medicine is down to xyz"... Find me a 300 plus pound
person who does not have life-threatening circumstances in their very near
future and I will show you 50 that do. "Thanks for sharing"
seems to work well.
— Karen F.
July 17, 2002
My best friend from the early 70s tried really hard to scare me out of
surgery. He was brutal. Well he now has seen the light and advocates WLS
for his daughter, who I used to date. I laugh at his change of attitude.
— bob-haller
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