Question:
still fear people staring at you even after weight loss?
I am post-op(9 months) and have lost about 110 pounds, my question is... do you still fear seeing a group of teenage kids in the mall or people staring at you? I know I look better but I still get nervous when I see groups of people, I guess I am just conditioned to fear groups because I have always been made fun of. — karen Z. (posted on April 15, 2002)
April 14, 2002
I can totally relate! This is how I feel most all the time. Hopefully
time heals.
— Kristin R.
April 15, 2002
As someone who once made small children cry in fear because of how I
looked, I know EXACTLY what you mean. It was difficult to maintain my
dignity when being heckled by roving gangs of teens, and I did develop
reciprocating cruelty techniques ("Take a picture, it lasts longer,
Moron, etc.") But something I have noticed: immature people tend to
ignore us anyway once we reach a certain age. Once we are out of their age
range, we become an invisible being. Also, I have noticed that NO ONE
stares at me anymore, but men have started making eye contact and smiling
again. And I have only reached 283 pounds! People notice what is
different. It is human nature. I stared at a little person. When he
asked me what I was looking at, I told him the truth: "You, you
handsome rascal. You seeing anyone?" He blushed, grinned and turned
away. But, no, I don't fear being stared at. In fact, that is my new
goal....but for completely different reasons. I want people to notice me
when I walk into a room for the presence I emit, the grand bearing, my
regal stature, my profound compassion and mercy. But hey, I have no
delusions...mostly they will just notice if I have my dress tucked in the
back of my pantyhose. Good Luck!
— merri B.
April 15, 2002
Hi karen, I was once like you. I have had people stare at me from every age
group. One thing I have learned to do is stare right back. When you make
eye contact, people are going to either speak to you in a nice way or turn
their heads. That may not always be the case for teens; especially if they
are in a pack. But it works most of the time. And then again, I've been
told that if looks could kill, I would be on death row. Hold your head
high, don't let anyone make you feel inferior or intimidate you. You are
just a good as anyone else on the green earth. Someone staring at you may
also see a beauty in you that you may not be seeing in yourself.
— Jan M.
April 15, 2002
I am 13 months post-op and finally feel comfortable with groups of kids,
teenagers, etc. I don't feel inferior or fat. I'm just one of the gang.
No one has teased me about my weight since I was 3 months post-op, but I
kept expecting it up until last month. Weird how emotional abuse takes
such a long time to heal.
— Terissa R.
April 15, 2002
I am 8 mos post op, I always feared my kids friends would make fun of them
because of me, I am down 112 pounds and notice now I am getting alot of
attention, mostly from men, now they open doors for me and make eye contact
with me. My 18 year old son's friends are always are telling me how good I
look. It is a great feeling, only because I know how cruel kids can be
without really meaning too. I still have a way to go to get where I want to
be, but hey, I am proud of my accomplishment and tell everyone I know how I
accomplished my success. It is still hard for me in away, because I
sometimes still feel big, but I always try to remember how far I have come.
— Valerie M.
April 15, 2002
I have the same fear especially with groups of teenagers or drunk young
adults. It has happened in the past. I always tense up until they have
passed or gone away. I also have a thing about eating in the car. I always
feel like people are staring at me thinking, "My God, does she have to
eat ALL the time???" Now I try to realize that people probably think
that I am too busy to stop and eat--which is usually true!
— ctyst
April 15, 2002
Give them some stink eye...... works for me, before and after surgery. The
ONLY people I feared when overweight were outspoken small children that,
unfortnately, I was not allowed to inflict bodily harm upon! :) I chalked
THEIR behavior up to their PARENTS not teaching them the golden rule of
"if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all" .
As for teenagers (or most bullies), sure they talk big game, but they also
can be intimidated when confronted- a response they DO NOT expect.
— Karen R.
April 15, 2002
Hi, your question hits right at home with me. I am a little over 6 months
out, and I feel the same way you do. I can honestly tell you that today
when I went shopping, I felt like people were looking at my buggy, and
saying man where can she put it. Now mind you I have lost an amazing
82lbs, but I still feel huge. I hated my life preop. I never felt good
and I know I did not look good. I was a terrible companion, for my husband
or my kids. I always was grouchy and irritable. I always felt like people
were whispering about me. But now like many of your other posters, I see
the way men react, and dont' that just make you mad. I feel like
screaming, HEY BUDDY, I was a pretty person before but you could not see
me. Now that I am smaller, all you see are my curves surfacing. Of course
I don't, because I am sometimes quiet now. HMMMMM well maybe just a
little layed back lol. Anyhow, I figure this will take some time. I still
go to the plus size clothes and pick up 2x-3x shirts and try and buy them,
my sister thank the lord is the same size as me, and she says, now Tonya,
That is way to big for you. God that sounds good. lol. Never thought I
would hear that. Something being to big for ME :)
Well good luck, and remember the future is much brighter on this side.
OPEN RNY, OCT 4 2001. BTC in Columbus OHIO, -82lbs and counting. Way to
go Dr. Kaczmarski!!!!
— TONYA B.
April 16, 2002
Yeah you still get stared at but now it is a good stare and one we can
enjoy...LOL
Be proud of your accomplishments and hold your head high, those teens are
just kids and think of how we acted when we were kids:)
— Lynda T.
June 8, 2002
It always bothered me the most when a stranger would make a comment about
my weight while I was with a friend or family member. Now at 10 months post
op I'm still a little apprehensive when ever I'm around small
kids,"thinking they'll say something" but the rest of the time
I'm thinking ,"they're checking me out.... in a good way" -213
lbs
— TJ N.
October 17, 2002
Hi :) I had my surgery on Dec. 19, 2001. I've lost just about one hundred
pounds so far. One thing I've noticed is: People now MAKE eyecontact. This
lack, (people avoiding looking you in the eyes when you are heavy) was one
of the major fat issues I mentioned to my husband. Now I find myself
wondering WHY IS THIS PERSON LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?!?!??!?!? I find it
almost intrusive after all those years of being part of the wall paper.
Strange huh?
Wendy
— Wendy H.
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