Question:
How do I answer them?

My family is trying to be supportive, but they are worried that the surgery is a last resort. "What if it fails?" the ask me. "What will you do then?" They are worried and want me to succeed, but their concern echos my own. What can I say to reassure all of us?    — Kaye B. (posted on July 17, 2000)

July 17, 2000
Hi Kelly, Somethings in life you will fail at. The real question is what if I succeed. With every negative there is a positive. I understand your family concerns. I had real concerns myself. What if it didn't work? But I would have never known if it would work until I had the surgery. I am three months post-op and have lost 62 pounds. Of course I follow the diet the doctor gave. This surgery is only a tool, so I know that it is still going to take some work on my part. Sometimes I still wonder if I am going to continue to lose. Then I weight myself and exercise and see the pounds melting off. You will never know if the surgery is a success until you try. But please do your research make sure it is something you want to do. Ask the Dr. alot of questions. I don't regret doing the surgery so far it has work wonders for me. Good luck in what ever decisions you make.
   — Sharon T.

July 17, 2000
I am sorry Kaye I miss quoted your name.
   — Sharon T.

July 17, 2000
I wish I could say I lived my entire life out after surgery and it was perfect. I've only made it just under 6 yrs and it's been great, though not perfect. However, in my case, I had only months to live, as best as I could tell. Perhaps I'd still be alive on a respirator of some sort, but I couldn't really breathe on my own much longer. My husband and I both had surgery. I went from 262 to 112 and lost my asthma, severe sleep panea, heartburn, reflux, fatigue, depression, and immobility, to name a few. My husband dropped 110 to 175 and for him, it's as if he never even WAS heavy! No sign at all, and even his scar vanished. Sheesh--MEN! We take a LOT of supplements to head off further problems associated with any WLS and get labs done often. We have never "exercised", but we don't sit around either. We are busy people! Please take your family to my web page. I know there are before & afters here, but this is somewhat progressive, showing us holding both goal wt and good health over a several years. We may not last forever, but life is a whole lot better now than it ever was for us. We lived long enough to see a grandchild, while my ex died at age 49 due to his comorbidities. Since I had to be revised, not only WOULD I do it again, I DID do it again. And you know, if I had another mechanical failure, I'd do it AGAIN. www.vitalady.com
   — vitalady

July 17, 2000
The answer is quite simple-this surgery is your last resort. You have to make it work for you, however-it is not a magic bullet. To qualify for WLS, you must be morbidly obese, which means you could die from a disease directly caused by your weight. In my case, it could have been from HBP, or a complication of diabetes or a heart attack.
   — Louise H.

July 17, 2000
Kaye, I'm not exactly sure why, but your post brought tears to my eyes and put an ache in my heart. Somehow, I can just see your family there with you, all sitting around the dining room table or out on the patio, honestly and lovingly, sharing all of their concerns and fears for you. You see, they love you just the way you are and are simply afraid for you. To them, you're their aunt Kaye, their sister, their niece, their daughter, their mom, their wife, cousin or sister-in-law...in short, you're THEIR Kaye. Always there, always helping, sharing, caring and loving them back. But, although they hear your laughter, they don't see your pain. You've done a pretty good job of hiding it from them. They don't see the tears you cry at night when someone has said a crude remark, or feel the embarassment you feel when you don't quite fit into a restaurant booth or a movie seat. They don't understand the fear you have of not seeing your children grow to adulthood or holding any future grandchildren. Maybe they have had glimpses of the frustrations you've had when yet another diet has failed, but they don't quite comprehend how that failure has devastated you to the depths of your soul...over and over and over again. They don't want you to hurt and they do everything they can to help you to NOT hurt. They love you and accept you totally and they don't care that you're overweight. But, Kaye, YOU DO! No matter how good the intentions of our family and friends, they can never quite completely understand the emptiness...the lonliness...the shame we feel every day as a morbidly obese individual. I think that wls is kinda like that $20 bill that most of us have hidden away in our wallets "in case of an emergency". We dare not spend it for fear that later we might REALLY need it and it won't be there anymore. But one day we're out in the car and it starts sputtering and coughing and we look down and see the needle on the gas gauge is below the "E". We're a half block away from a gas station, but all the have is that "emergency" $20. Now the decision...do we spend the $20 on very needed fuel for our automobile, or do we allow ourselves to be stranded because we've been conditioned to not spend that $20 because then we wouldn't have it anymore? We COULD maybe call our husband or a friend to bring us some gas...or we COULD pull the car over to the side of the road and hitch home. We COULD even start praying for devine intervention that the next bit of highway is mostly downhill and little bit of gas we do have left will last long enough to get us home. But I think most of us would consider this a "good enough" emergency and opt to go ahead and spend the $20. Kaye, holding out for surgery, is like holding onto that $20. Yes, we've tried many, many times to lose this weight on our own. We've gone to every diet clinic, every doctor, joined every diet group, every fitness club, and tried every medication to cross the board in order to lose the weight, but somehow none of them have worked for us. And here we are again, our needle on "E" and that $20 still in our pocket. I'm not telling you what to do here, Kaye...only you can decide how to "spend" your $20, but please think about what I've said and remember that the further you go before you do spend it, the "emptier" you get. It's rare, but yes, it COULD fail ...but, like one of the previous post's said...it COULD also WORK. Good luck, sweetie, and God Bless you AND your loving family. cj
   — cj T.