Question:
How to discuss WLS with children?

Does anyone have any advice on how to discuss WLS with children? I have 2 sons (ages 8 & 5) and have not yet told them anything about what I am doing. My surgery is next week, so I need to address pretty soon. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks...    — Gail W. (posted on February 21, 2005)

February 21, 2005
Well my son is six years old and we sat down together and took out one of my anatomy coloring books. (However there are tons of medical books aimed at children at Boarders that you could do this with.) DJ is always saying how he wished I was skinner so I could play with him so I used that as a jumping point. I told him that a special doctor was going to go inside mommy's tummy and make her stomach smaller (I showed him on the coloring book page of the stomach) and that way mommy can only eat VERY small meals like him. And that after the surgery he would have to be very careful around mommy's tummy for awhile until it all healed up. I reminded him about the stitches he had after he fell out of him grandma's bed and I told him that my tummy would have stitches like that for awhile. He agreed to be careful. Then I told him that each week mommy would get skinnier and skinnier until one day she would be smaller and healthy and be able to play all of the time! I let him ask all the questions he wanted and answered them as best I could. Go figure when I came home from surgery he exclaimed... "Mommy you are not skinny yet, that doctor lied!" LOL! So we had the talk again and he remembered. However, I am lucky... one of his friend's (from school) mother had the surgery 6 months ago and so he can talk to her or her brother when he is worried. HTH!
   — MagickalMom

February 21, 2005
I do not have small children, but I do have a 4 y/o grandson that is around me alot of the time. I told him that the doctor was going to cut my tummy and make me get better and healthier and skinnier so that I would be able to play with him more. I showed him my ouhie (open RNY) scar and told him that he needed to be very careful not to hurt his NANA's ouhie. Now that I am having my reconstructive surgeries, just about the same thing, except that the doctor is making all of the juggling go away. I just told him the doctor had to cut me with a knife to make me better, he says OUCH, and so do I, and he has no problems understanding me not being able to hold him, or bend over, etc.
   — cindy

February 21, 2005
Gail, I don't have any kids but my sister's and brother do. I spend alot of time with them and when my newfew asked me why was I going to the doctors alot was I sick? I told him no I was not sick but that I have to have somthing done and then he asked what and I told him that my tummy needed to be fixed and he said that there was nothing wrong with my tummy. I them showed him a pic of my tummy and one of a normal tummy and he then said that I was sick. He wanted to know how the doc. was going to fix it and so I showed him and then he pulled up his shirt and said that soon my tummy would look like his. WE got out some washable markers and drew on our tummys so that he would know where he can not hug me and that I would not be able to play with him for a few days. The next day he told the other kids he also showed then his tummy and they all got it. SO just let then know what you are having done and if you can draw it on your tummy and theirs so that they understand it but be sure that you tell them that not everyone gets this. I hope this helps you the way it has helped me.
   — ritamytweety

February 21, 2005
I have 2 underage children who I had to discuss this with. My children were well aware of the health problems that I had and how much trouble I had due to them. They knew from the very beginning that I was trying to have this surgery done. They also knew that my health was so bad that I was scared I wasn't going to be around long enough to finish raising them. Kids are pretty smart and mine had seen reports and documentaries on TV about WLS. They knew that it was a serious surgery. My youngest child did ask me why I had to have this surgery and I explained to her that I didn't think I'd be able to live very much longer if I didn't have it done to get control of my weight. I don't think there's really an easier way to discuss having to have major surgery with children. Even though mine had over 2 years to get used to the idea of me having surgery, when we actually went to the hospital, my son was pale white (13 years old) due to fear of what was going to happen to me. My little girl was ok until they brought me to my room after surgery and she saw me with all these tubes coming out of me and all doped up on the morphine drip. She cried and cried because she thought I was actually dying just from my appearance. They stayed with friends while I was in the hospital. They were very glad to see me come walking through the door, but even then my daughter just cried and cried when she saw me. It was traumatic for them at the time, but the fact that we can now do a lot more together has really made a difference in our lives and they are no longer constantly worried about me dying from my health problems like they were before. They are aware that I still have health problems, but they are better prepared to meet these problems head on. They also know that after going through that surgery, their mother's a pretty tough old bird. LOL
   — SnowWhiteDove459

February 22, 2005
My kids were 2 and 5 when I had surgery, now they are the exact ages of your kids. At the time I was very vague because they were not ready for a bunch of technical information and I really didn't want to introduce the notion that fat was a bad thing. I only explained that mommy was to have a surgery to make her healthier. They were good with that. However, seeing my children today, the same age as yours, that would not be enough of an answer. It would for the youngest, but the 8 year old would want more. I feel I could give more details to her, but yet still feel uncomfortable introducing a negative viewpoint on over weight people. I would stresst he health aspect of it all while minimizing the whole skinny part. But that's just me. ~~ Rebecca
   — RebeccaP

February 22, 2005
I have 3 children (ages 16, 16 and 11). I have told them what I am doing and why. They are very supportive in my decision and my 16 year olds understand the risks involved. I keep them informed of everything. I think you should tell them before you go in for surgery what you are doing.
   — mzb2u

February 22, 2005
Gail: I have a 9-yr-old. I was very open and honest with her. I told her that the surgery would help me be healthier. I also told her that she could ask the doctor any questions that she wanted. This put her in control and helped her through it. The doctor (Dr. Heydari) was wonderful and listened to her and answered her at her level. I hope this helps and best wishes for a speedy recovery!
   — dodie72

February 22, 2005
Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts with me on this topic. I truly appreciate it!
   — Gail W.