Question:
How do I get my mind to relate to a new body?

I am getting ready to schedule my surgery. It probably will be done in early March. While I do not fear the actual surgery, I do fear the person I will become. Many say they cannot wait to look thin again. I have never been thin and it scares me to think about what I will look like after weight loss. I truely fear the out come. Wacky I know but I really want to get around this. I see a pdoc weekly and I know we will need to deal with it but I thought maybe some of you would offer some greeat advice. Thank you in advance.    — jeh (posted on January 23, 2004)

January 23, 2004
I understand what you mean. I was overweight my entire life, except for a couple of short periods when I lost the weight and before it quickly came back plus. I hid behind my weight - blaming it for all of my problems - lack of promotions at work, lack of a boyfriend, etc. Once I lost the weight, I had to face being judged for me and no longer could blame everything that went wrong on my weight. It was scary - still is. I find myself compensating by trying to be a perfectionist - more so even then before. It's tough. Counseling is great for sorting through the emotions and dealing with everything. I've been in counseling through out my jouurney and it helps a lot. Best of luck. You have made the biggest step - realizing you will be having problems. Kathy Open RNY 2/10/03 5'3" 215/125/120
   — kathyb

January 23, 2004
Boy can I relate! I was born fat - 10 pounds, 13 ounces! I weighed over 200 pounds by the time I was 13 years old. I've never been thin or even close to it. Have always had 'love handles' and can remember my tummy (what I now call a panni) folding over when I was only 8 years old! My highest weight was 425 and I now weigh 210 which is less than I weighed at 14 years old and am in a smaller size clothing that I can remember ever being in. At 14 I moved to 'fatty women's' clothes. It's been an interesting adjustment seeing bones I never knew I had. I kind of guessed they were in there, since I saw everyone else had these bones, but I'd never seen or even felt my own - collarbone, rib cage, hip bones, etc. I still haven't caught up with it mentally and still find the mirror catches my eyes. I hope someday to stop marveling at the changes and to kind of recognize myself - but for now, I've just accepted that this is the way it is. I'm trying to become more of a friend to myself and not be so critical - even on days I feel fat (which is most days!). Gee, this hasn't been helpful at all, has it? LOL Well it helped me - thanks for asking!
   — [Deactivated Member]

January 24, 2004
I say I will always be a fat person in a thin body. I often don't recognize my own body. It feels so different. everything from the ribs I can feel, my tailbone being irritated by my carseat. my breasts feel so tiny. It is an exciting and weird thing. I am 16 months out and I think when I get more used to my new body I will feel more comfortable in it. I still see my self as bigger than others see me. I am still amazed when I look at my size 12 pants and never thnk they will fit and then the slide right over my hips easily. GOOD LUCK to you!
   — **willow**

January 24, 2004
I have also been overweight, probably obese my entire life. I remember weighing 102 pounds in the first grade and 232 in the 8th grade. I was about 365 pounds when I had the surgery performed. I was never, ever remotely near a normal weight my entire life. I have struggled with this issue. I didn't know my own facein the mirror, or my body, along with many other people who hadn't seen me in awhile. Also, before surgery I couldn't get a man to open the door for me, now they will hurry to do it. I get flirted with at stop lights, all of this is very strange, and you will also have to deal with this. My husband loved me heavy, and he loves me smaller, so this is and will continue to be a wonderful thing. I urge anyone who feels this will be an issue to consider seeing a counselor. My counselor has helped me come to terms with some of this. It is a work in progress. I wish you the best.
   — sheron H.

January 26, 2004
I seem to have the same fear, but not only what my body will look like. Now this seems really crazy: I'm afraid I will go "wild" dressing too young for my age and become a clothes horse now that I will soon be able to wear whatever I want. So I guess my biggest fear is that I won't be able to control my impulses and make a total fool of myself.
   — vllgmz4

January 29, 2004
Jane, I am surprised you were not flooded with answers to this. I had been obese my entire life too. While I knew that having WLS was the best decision I could make for my health, I was terrified of what it would mean to my psyche! <br> What is funny is that some of the cruelest, weirdest treatment I have gotten is from people that I thought would be the most supportive - my family, some WLS peers, and some obese friends. Go figure. So I really focused on some great therapy, an active lifestyle, nurturing the relationships that helped me feel good (and that I could work on) and meeting new people that were as active as I wanted to become. It is an entirely new, positive world. <br>You are brilliant to be thinking of this ahead of time, because a lot of our peers can blame a lot of their problems on their obesity (I know I used to) and when the weight comes off, but the problems remain, they are shocked. But you are going to do great.<br>Best wishes!
   — kultgirl

February 2, 2004
Thank you for all your input. I realize that this will be a long time adjustment. I am journalling pretty regularly so that I can deal with this in therapy with pdoc. I think that this area is one of the hardest parts of the WLS. I do fear failing and not losing weight but the head games that I deal with are a bigger challenge. I do not have a lot of support at home. I live with my mom and she is in total denial that I need or am getting the surgery. I am battling this issue daily but with the help of pdoc I will win. Thank you again.
   — jeh