Question:
After WLS did your husand cheat?

Even though I look awesome, our sex life it good and I have been faithful (despite all the outside offers I have gotten) my husband has been looking/cheating or both. I know he loves how I look and feel now...I just think this is really weird. I am not even sure what to do about it...we have talked and he says he loves being married to me...but I still don't get it and cannot tolerate this behavior, if anyone has input or similar experience I'd like to hear it. I do have good self-esteem but don't want my marriage to end so soon (only 2 years!)    — missmollyk (posted on September 19, 2003)

September 19, 2003
did your husband have the surgery too?
   — terri R.

September 19, 2003
Hi Hon. I'm sorry you're having these problems...it's painful, I know from experience--now since my wls, but from a prior marriage <br> My opinion may not be popular, but it is merely my opinion. I think sometimes men get very insecure when we lose weight and start to look good. I think they never worried about us leaving them prior to weight loss; when we start looking good, they feel they may have something to worry about.<br> My husband will stand around with women all day long, talking about how good I look, how much younger I look, etc. But he resents it when his men friends make comments. I know it's silly, and I think deep down he knows too...but it's his insecurities showing.<br> Follow your heart and keep <b>your</b> self-esteem up. You can only take care of yourself. Good luck, and HUGGS. Linda
   — Linda S.

September 19, 2003
Some men just cheat - period! Now, if the WLS is part of it, he may feel more comfortable with someone he can feel superior to - and now that you're not (whatever he thinks you were) he'll find someone else he can feel superior to. However, in my opinion, whether it has to do with WLS or not - once a cheater/always a cheater. Sorry it didn't last long, but a cheetah can't change his spots.
   — bethybb

September 19, 2003
I agree it is an insecurity issue. He sees how great you look and how men look at you and it makes him feel inadequate. But, that is no excuse for what he is doing. I would also be concerned as to what kind of diseases he could be bringing home to you. Sex today is not like it used to be. I would strongly suggest you seek marraige counseling either together or separately to find out how to handle this situation. I wish you the very best of luck.
   — Charlene W.

September 19, 2003
Hi Molly- Sorry about the problem you're having. I think your husband has self-esteem issues, by his looking/cheating, he is saying "See, I'm just as attractive and desirable as YOU are!". Maybe he doesn't realize that just because someone propositions you (or whatever they're doing), doesn't mean you're going to take them up on it! Hope it all works out for you :o) Mea
   — Mea A.

September 20, 2003
So many possibilities here, I'd ditch us as counselors and go straight to the skilled professionals of your choice: marriage counselors, social workers, clergy you trust. Blessings on you!
   — Deborah M.

September 20, 2003
Molly, dont take that crap either he needs to straighten up or you need to dump him ur too beautiful on the inside and out to put up with that sorry thats just my opinion!
   — Deanna Wise

September 21, 2003
Sounds like you two need to get into some serious marriage counseling. Hopefully he is willing to go too. If he refuses to go, you go, and then I would tell him to get out, especially before kids come into the picture. You dont need this. Besides, with all his cheating you dont know what diseases he is bringing home and passing on to you. Hope this helps! Good Luck!
   — Kris T.

September 22, 2003
My husband cheated on me before and after my surgery. The time while I was trying to get my surgery and the short time after he was not even smi supportive. He would say he was proud of me but his actions would show somthing different. Before surgery he didnt like to do things with me and after the surgery he still didn;t like to do things. I was so confused, frustration, and depressed. New years Eve 2002, I found out about him cheating not once but with two people. I could never find out if it was true but I do know that new years eve he was suppose to be out with friends and he was unreachable from 10:00 pm new years eve until 7:00 am new years day. We did agree to split up for a while until I found out that the one girl he talked to before the surgery was an ex-girlfriend that he had been in contact with for the whole year so I was sick and filed for a divorce. I still love him but I cannot go back to that kind of treatment. I should also add that I did cousneling with him after the first time he cheated for almost 2 years and the counselor told us he could not help us. Good Luck.
   — Chris9672

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