Question:
When do you chose to tell friends you had WLS?
I was wondering if/when you have told friends about your surgery? Over the last couple of months, I've been rekindling a friendship from 14 years ago. I now weigh the same as when I last saw her and she knows nothing of my WLS 11 months ago. There's no real reason to tell her other than to share this huge part of my life with her, just like people share with eachother that they're moving or changing jobs, etc. (BTW-She's thin). Do you feel compelled to tell or do you work it in to conversations or not tell at all? Just curious. Thank you! — Yolanda J. (posted on September 13, 2003)
September 13, 2003
I live my life like an open book and find the rewards of that are great.
Though I can respect the difference, I never do understand those who are
very private and guarded. I think it would be impossible for any post-op
wls person to say that this wasn't a HUGE impact on their life and sharing
that journey and arrival is a great gift. It will allow those around us to
grow through us and love us for who we truly are.
— Donya P.
September 13, 2003
Hi! For myself, the circle of people I will be telling is
small...immediate family & my closest friends. I work in a large
plant-type facility, and I see no reason to provide fodder for the gossip
mills among people I am only acquainted with, not really friends. Of
course all my immediate co-workers & supervisors will know I am having
surgery, but I plan to say something vague like "I needed to get my
insides adjusted." That's not a lie, and hopefully it will give the
impression that I don't really want to be more specific. Of course, if the
gall bladder comes out, I can mention that, too.
Why the secrecy? Because many of the people I know think that fat people
really just need to diet & exercise, and they think that surgery is
"cheating" or "the easy way out". If you are working
in a place where you can expect a lot of support, then, great! I would
probably tell them. Same with your friends & relatives. If you feel
comfortable discussing it, then, fine! I have one brother who started
telling me last year, "Gee, it would be great if you had that
operation!" Like it was a piece of cake! My other brother has not
said one word about it...I have no idea if he likes the idea, or just
thinks I should join a gym.
Having said that, I may find that when (and hopefully if) I have lost a lot
of weight, I might be nore comfortable with discussing it with others. Who
can say? But I wish you continued success, and just do whatever feels
right for you.
:-) Pam
— Sungold
September 13, 2003
I feel it's a personal choice.The only people who know I've had surgery are
my husband and oldest daughter.I live in a very small town and don't choose
to be the next topic of conversation.
— Gussie
September 13, 2003
When I was about to have surgery, there were 9 people who knew. My
immediate family and most closest friends. Turned out that one very close
friend really could not deal with it, so I just dont talk about it with him
really.
Now 11 months and 129 lbs later (yes... about 8 more to go and then
hopefully the belt lipectomy in December) everyone knows. I can honestly
say that the support out there is wonderful.
Dont tell anyone you are uncomfortable with telling. It is your private
thing.
Best wishes to you.
— Steve B.
September 13, 2003
I chose to tell all of my family members and those who I work with
everyday. The reason for my doing this is that I didn't want them to think
I was sick. I felt that it would be much more fun to have people giving me
an "atta girl" then whispering about the state of my health. In
the future if I was to run into someone who didn't know about my WLS I
would imagine that I would not say a word unless the relationship became a
close one.
— blockie
September 13, 2003
I told only my family before surgery. I told the office I was going to
have a hernia and gall badder surgery--which was true. My office still
does not know the truth--no one questioned me. If they did question me
now, I would tell the truth. After about 3 months out from surgery, I
would tell people about the WLS. I have found people very supportive. In
fact many people who deal with people that are obese have found talking to
me helps them deal with others. Good luck
— barbara A.
September 13, 2003
I told my family, friends and co-workers almost immediately after I made
the decision to have the surgery. I told my co-workers mainly because I
didn't want to be the subject of office gossip, I didn't want people to
think I was sick. After telling everyone I got so much more than that, I
got an outpouring of support and encouragement which felt, and continues to
feel, great. As for people that I don't know or don't have a close
relationship to I think it'll depend on the context of the meeting and what
the specific relationship is. But it's a decision that I'm very proud of
and for me, I don't feel the need to hide anything.
— Eric D.
September 13, 2003
I told most people ahead of time and I'm glad I did. I didn't want them
worrying that I was sick or dying or anything with all the weight I was
losing so rapidly! And it's much easier in the long run than trying to
keep up with a lie. People often tend to sabotage dieters, but now if I
say I can't have a piece of birthday cake, they really understand that I
mean I CAN'T, you know? They don't nag at you like they would when they
think you just mean that you "shouldn't" have a slice. I have
found people to be VERY supportive about it all, and they usually have a
ton of questions about the procedure. I don't know if I'd volunteer it to
someone I hadn't seen in 14 years, but I probably would in the end during
the course of the "what have you been up to?" questions! Also
I've found that people I haven't told found out from other people and two
even found out because they were doing research for themselves on this site
and came across my name!
— sandsonik
September 14, 2003
I have to say that it is your choice if you decide or not decide to tell
your friend or anyone else about having WLS surgery.
It is absolutley your business and no one else's if you choose not to tell
them.
I had my surgery 9 months ago, and I told my close family and my supervisor
at work. I chose not to tell anyone else, because I didn't want the
critisicm I felt I would get. I told my co workers that I was having my
gallbladder out, as that was a possibility.
When the president of my company found out that I had the bypass surgery (3
weeks out), he fired me. He said that I lied to my co-workers about what
surgery I was having and that in his opinion, my surgery was not critically
neccesary.
Needless to say, I have a lawsuit filed. My lawyer says it is absolutely
no one's business what surgery you had, and you certainly don't have to ask
permission to have it.
Feel free to read my profile about my story.
The bottom line is, it is what you feel comfortable with. If your friend
is a true friend, you will get great support one way or the other.
— acleveland
September 14, 2003
There is no question that this is a totally personal decision and whatever
the person is comfortable with is fine. However, one has to ask just how
hard it is to keep this whole secret and why does one care what someone
else says or thinks if they are not someone that means something to them?
Who cares what an aquaitance thinks! Why let it bother you? Do secretly
down deep you feel it was the easy way out too? Hold your head up high.
You made a choice to possibly die on a particular day in hopes of a
healthier longer life. There is nothing to apologize for or be ashamed of
or hide.
<p>Caring what other people think of us has been the albatross of MO
and SMO people their entire life. I was able to shed that albatross after
I lost 200 lbs on my own in 94/95. I then proceed to regain it all but I
no longer gave a rip what other people thought. Mine was the only opinion
that mattered. As part of that loss and regain I also came to terms with
my body and accepted it. I no longer refused to wear shorts and sleeveless
tops. I chose surgery because I was getting more immobile and knew that
continuing to gain 10-20 lbs a year was going to put me in a wheelchair and
possibly on disability and sooner rather than later. That's not a life for
me.
<p>I did not tell a lot of people (about 9) before surgery but when I
left I told my boss that if anyone asked he could tell them the truth. I
work at a major university and I guarantee you everyone knows. However,
they also know me and that it is best to keep their negative opinion, if
they have one, to themselves. I'm amazed how few comments I get, but the
ones I do are all supportive. It does help to work in a world of
professionals. I really wish some people on campus would ask me more about
it as I know it might be a solution for them, but they need to make the
first step and ask me. I do not want to push my choice on them. I think
if you have the self-esteem and self-confidence, and that comes across,
that most people will keep their opinions to themselves as they know it
won't get to you. It's the ones that can get under your skin that will
take advantage of it. So the moral of my story is, be proud and educate
the world or at least your little corner. How can anyone argue with the
kind of success we have. Make it clear that you do know that food will be
a life long struggle to some degree but you feel having the restriction the
surgery provides will help you tame that beast long term. My surgeon told
me that genetically I will always be SMO. I was shocked. He then
explained that the natural place my body would want to go is back up but
the tool can put that disease in remission and if I use it well keep it in
remission for the rest of my life. In reality it really is a good
assessment. Morbid obesity is a disease and like others has to be managed
with meds or other devices to keep it under control. For a tall skinny guy
he sure understands this beast and so wants to help people out of their
prison of fat.
— zoedogcbr
September 14, 2003
I've told anyone who's directly asked how I lost the weight. Everyone has
been very complimentary, and intrigued by the whole process, and very
supportive.
— Kelly B.
September 14, 2003
I am so excited about my up coming surgery I tell everyone who will listen,
I don't really care if they are negative, I haven't had anyone yet be that
way (except a family member)but I would just ignore them pretty much.
— Saxbyd
September 15, 2003
I only told my best friend and my family. I figure it's nobody else's
business.
— jengrz
September 15, 2003
When people ask me if I've lost weight I say yes, thank you! When they ask
me how, I tell them I'm eating less, exercising more . . . period. That is,
in fact, "how" we are losing weight! Most people aren't even
listening anymore at this point anyway. And, a lot of people would treat
the fact that you had surgery as a juicy piece of gossip to get on the horn
about. This surgery is just the beginning. It is a one-time event that
takes a few hours. The WORK comes after. We don't come home from the
hospital thin. I won't give "having the surgery" the credit for
this - we are responsible for food choices, exercise - it is up to us -
made more "doable" with our tool! So, do you tell? It's up to
you. Just remember you can't "untell" someone once you've told -
choose wisely. I did! Best of luck!
— Kim B
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