Question:
Were you a food addict before surgery?
For those who have had weight loss surgery, I am curious if you felt that you were a "food addict"? Did you ever hide or lie about your eating? Did you ever persist in overeating even though you knew it was having a negative impact on your health or relationships? If you do think you were a food addict, do you still consider yourself (post-operatively) a food addict, do you now (post-operatively) seek to return to some concept of "normal" eating or do you believe that as an "addict" you need to practice perpetual avoidance of certain foods and behaviors? Thanks for your insights. — SteveColarossi (posted on August 24, 2003)
August 24, 2003
I've never considered myself an addict as such, just under the mistaken
impression that 2 servings (sometimes 3) were ok, that's how we grew up on
a farm. Once you get into that, it's hard to tell your mind/head that you
really don't need that much, and try to cut back, but when that 'hunger
headache' shows up, what do you do to make it go away? You eat! Back in
those days no one ever talked about carbs, protein, etc. And we all know
how hard it is to get rid of that extra weight once it's there.
— track
August 24, 2003
I don't think I thought of myself as a food addict preop but I suppose I
was. I didn't hide or lie about eating, but I did over-eat even though I
knew it was having a negative impact on my health. I now do consider
myself a food addict because if anything I'm more obsessed now than preop.
My desire to eat "normally" caused me to gain a good percentage
of my weight back. I'm now trying to diet to get the weight back off. I
really enjoy cooking and eating. I even spend a good deal of time watching
cooking shows. Food is just an enjoyable things for me, and that doesn't
work well.
— sherry hedgecock
August 24, 2003
I am totally a food addict and have come to find that if I feel that
certain things are even an option I figure out a way to fit them into my
"normal" diet and then I am anything but normal in the way I eat
these things. Therefore I have recently (like yesterday) had to come to
grips with the fact that I may never be able to go back to eating carbs in
a normal way. They set me off, make me crabby, bloated, and generally
miserable. They also make me have that old pevasive distraction with food.
I have had no carbs for 2 days and I feel so much more focused and level
headed. I have always hidden my eating from the time I was young. Pre op
when I knew I was going to have surgery my husband of 13 years finally saw
me really eat and was genuinely stuck somewhere between fear and disgust
watching the sickness. I planned my food as I fell asleep and continued
upon waking in the morning and always felt terrible about what I had eaten
and pissed at myself that I could never get in as much as I had planned to.
I believe that addict means that I will forever have to alter the way that
I eat. I am sure that some people can not understand the concept of being a
food addict but how else can you exlplain someone eating themselves to a
near death. The words morbidly obese are so common here that I tend to
forget what they mean. I created a life threatening situation with food.
That took some serious effort, MAJOR denial and mass quantities of food. To
me that is a sickness. I am trying to let go of the self rightous self pity
that goes along with letting go of the food, it is a rough road but I would
rather feel free than beholen to a crumb cake. I have also realized lately
that my weight and food have kept me from living a truly full life and I
want to live life to the fullest! Steve, I would like to know what you
think about the topic you have brought up. This is something that I have
questioned all along (hence the enormously long post) and have not seen
much discussion about. I can't wait to see the other responses.
— Carol S.
August 24, 2003
I too, never thought of myself as a food addict, but some aspects of what
you describe fit me. I certainly ate differently when alone than with
other people, so I suppose that's a form of hiding/lying, and I absolutely
continued poor eating habits knowing they were affecting my health and
social life. However, I don't think it's as bad an addiction as what I've
seen other people suffer with alcohol, drugs and tobacco (or is that just
my addiction denial at work?). I no longer fit the profile you described,
but perhaps that's because I just can't eat like I used to. Also, I've
never eaten "normally" so I don't know what that is. I know how
I have to eat for the rest of my life (which means limiting refined
carbohydrates for me), and I'll do that, but it isn't how my normal-sized
friends eat, so I don't think it's "normal".
— Vespa R.
August 24, 2003
Yes, I was a food adict. I would even joke about being a drug dealer when
I would do late night Taco Bell runs and drop food off at my mom's house.
I faced that issue almost a year before I even considered WLS. Now after
surgery, I get the urge to try a quarter pounder with cheese...think of all
the protein...but I can fight it. I realized I could eat normally and
survive when I was in the hospital, I only ate the meals they brought. No
extras and only snacks were if I saved a piece of fruit from my tray. That
was almost a week and I survived! I feel I have my addicition under
control.
— Sarahlicious
August 24, 2003
Yes I was a food addict. I loved food. It was my best friend. I ate when I
was happy, sad, bored, tired, etc., you name it.
I am 8 weeks postop op open RNY, and I can honestly say that my addiction
has been broken. It is like being set free from bondage. I definitely eat
to live now rather than live to eat!
The first six weeks I never even got hungry, had to make myself eat. Now I
do get hungry, but I make the right food choices, i.e., protein first.
Since I still cannot eat more than 2 ounces at a time, that is about all I
do eat. Ice cream was my biggest addiction before surgery. I am happy to
say that I have not even craved it since surgery. I did lick the very tip
of some off a spoon one night just to see what it would be like and I found
that I did not even like it. It tasted way too sweet for me. I have quit
drinking caffeine and carbonated beverages, stick to low-fat, low-carb,
high protein diet. It does not even bother me to see other people eating
the foods I used to love.
As of today, I am down 54 pounds. The constant joint pain I used to suffer
from is almost gone. I am off of my meds for reflux and arthritis. I am off
of my CPAP machine. These things make it all worth the foods I had to give
up. It really is true that nothing tastes as good as being thin feels!
— DebT
August 24, 2003
I am a carb addict. Always have been always will be. I worked at a drug
rehab (bookkeeper) for 15 years. The only difference between me and them
was legality. Mine was legal. I didn't not have to stand on street
corners to get my drug of choice. With carbs there is a distributer
everwhere, it is even advertised everywhere.
— faybay
August 24, 2003
At the time, I wouldn't have called me that but I was. I didn't eat that
much at a meal, at always ate the wrong things especially fast food. All I
thought about was after dinner the snacks I was going to enjoy. I basically
snacked my way to the top! In the morning on the way to work (on the bus) I
was planning my evening meal and the munchies afterward. Good news.....that
is not me today. I do not have the hunger I did preop for meals or snacks.
My tummy is not hungery and my brain doesn't insist anymore. Good Luck
— bbjnay
August 24, 2003
I'm not sure if I was a food addict as much as a taste addict. If it was
something that tasted good I need to eat it all right then and there. If I
couldn't then I would sit for an hour or two and then finish the rest.
However, I did not do this with all foods. Just when I had something that
was made just right and tasted awesome.
<p>Post op the only food I have a volume issue with is shrimp. Yes
it's protein but I have a hard time leaving any in the fridge. I'm working
on it though. Again, they just taste so good and because it's such grat
protein is why my head has justified it. For me, except shrimp, food no
longer controls my life, which is so nice. I made a bunch of different
things yesterday and so now I have quite a bit of food in the fridge. At
first it was like I wanted some of all of it but I knew I could not eat
that much so I'll just work on it one thing at a time. I made a monster
omelet that will last 5-6 meals, so guess what I am having for breakfast
today. LOL The only foods I "avoid" are high sugar or high fat
content items as I just do not want to get sick, so I stick with the sweet
and fat things I know I tolerate, which means quite low sugar. Don't know
how I would react to pie filling or frosting as I'm too scared to try. I
know from losing a lot of weight before that the longer I did not eat
sweets etc the more I lost my taste for them. So I'm taking this precious
early time to try and "break" me of many of the foods that
brought me to WLS. I do eat small amounts of potatoes and pasta. No rice,
it doesn't like me anymore.
— zoedogcbr
August 25, 2003
I was definitely a food addict. I was the type that only gorged myself
with the foods I loved..high fat, fast, carbs, sweets...oh so many things.
I wasn't one of those who ate foods I didn't care for "just because
they were there" but ate more than enough of everything else. Yes, I
hid my eating, lied about it...obsessed about it. Still, I continued to do
it. I have two members of my family who are morbidly obese (one probably
more than morbidly).
Being post-op (4 mos) I have not tried sweets at all..not even sugar free.
That was a downfall pre-op that I do not want to tempt again. Instead,
I've resorted to fruit (please don't lecture) as a way to curb the taste
for something sweet.
As for my 'normal' eating...I agree with the previous poster who said her
eating is not 'normal'. I do not see others eating like I do and I would
consider them to be 'normal'. Then again, when I hear them obsess with
their weight, I realize that I'm clueless as to what is REALLY 'normal'
I'm elated to be losing. Is it falling off? NO. But no more joint pain,
more energy, & feeling overall better than I've felt in years is worth
the 65 lbs down thus far.
I do not obsess about food at all anymore. In fact, I don't give it enough
thought which is a contributor to my slow weight loss. I'm NEVER hungry
and have to really think about eating to do it.
Who would have ever thought I'd live to see the day I'd say I don't eat
enough? What a joke!
Best wishes!
— Diane S.
August 25, 2003
Probably. OK, definitely, as a pre-op. It was just like being a drug
addict. I could eat all day and still be thinking about where my next fix
(chocolate, Big Mac, Whopper) was coming from. I thought about food all of
the time and I used it (or abused it)to help me cope with all kinds of
unpleasant feelings (lonliness, boredom, depression, etc.) And I know that
for me, as a post-op, I have to have absolutes: ie, I will never eat fast
food again, I will not keep junk food in my house, I will not eat white
carbs-- simply because I know that when I eat those foods, I turn into a
Hoover vacuum cleaner. I'm not sure if I consider myself a food addict as a
post-op-- but I do think about food quite often. I just don't use it the
way I did pre-op.
— lizinPA
August 25, 2003
Hi, Steve. Yes, I felt that pre-op I was a food addict. I didn't binge
until I threw up, but I definitely overate and felt horrible after -
physically and emotionally. I do still consider myself a food addict since
they say that alcoholics are always alcoholics I figure once a foodaholic,
always a foodaholic, but this is just my opinion. I am 10 months post RNY
and afraid of going through major life changes for a while yet such as
changing jobs or something that I don't have control of - like a lay off.
I'm worried that my old behaviors will kick in and I will make bad choices.
I do avoid certain foods such as sweets unless it's a birthday or a REAL
special occasion (as opposed to celebrating Tuesday with a cake, for
example LOL). I was on vacation last week and very proud of myself for not
having too many treats. I do have to watch my overeating though. I still
have this problem though it's much different than pre-op. I am still
comforted by fullness even if it is from grilled chicken breast. I'm still
working on this. I try not to focus on what I CAN'T have and instead remind
myself that I have a medical condition and need to monitor what I eat and
keep myself active. This helps. Thanks for your question.
— Yolanda J.
August 25, 2003
I was and still am a food addict. I love food and I would eat no matter my
emotional state (happy, sad, emotional--whatever). Food was constantly on
my mind. I would no sooner finish one meal than I was thinking what I
would have for my next meal. I never over ate to the point of thowing up
(are you kidding--actually let some food leave me--no way!). But I hid my
eating and craved food constantly. Carbs definately affect me but I loved
all food. Food is very big and very important to all of my family
functions. I believe that I will always have this weak area in my life.
What is crucial is learning to control it. I have to admit that this is
the hardest I have ever worked on controlling my "demons" but I
am determined to get the upper hand. I believe for me that means never
relaxing my guard enough to think that I can ever eat "normally".
I am not normal or I would never have gotten to the weight that I did.
Others may not agree but it is the truth for me. It is "easier"
after WLS but for me it is still not easy and it never will be. But then
no one ever said it would be.
— Marie S.
August 25, 2003
Great thought provoking questions, Steve, and some very heartfelt
responses. I am definitely a food addict, more so a sugar and carb addict.
Pre-op, I did put relationships at risk (marriage) because of my weight
gain, and overeating. Yes, I knew it was at risk, but I could not stop.
Emotions-stress, boredom, guilt, all made me eat. Food was comforting. And
I would hide my junk food eating (stopping at fast food places on the way
home from work or hiding candy in the crock pot-hubby never looked there).
Postop I seem to have more control but still consider myself a food addict
and still reach for comfort foods when emotions are stirred. I don't
believe in avoidance of "trigger" foods like some do. I totally
understand that many have to go cold turkey or they will lose it. Whatever
works. I'm trying it the opposite way, allowing myself to eat healthy
balanced meals and then allowing a daily intake of whatever sugar and carb
treats I want (in very small amounts). I balance it with regular exercise
and daily weighing to ensure that I do not gain and take appropriate
cutting back measures if I start to gain more than 2 pounds. Somehow it
seems to work so far-I don't feel guilty anymore for eating "bad"
foods, don't hide the candy and cookies anymore, and take too much pride in
how I look right now to screw it up.
— Cindy R.
August 25, 2003
I am deffinately a food addict or at least a binge eater. I didn't start
to put on the pounds till I was in my twenties, just after the death of my
mother. about a month after her death, I started consuming large amounts
of sweets, I mean boxes of cupcakes, cookies and such. This behavior has
followed me my entire adult life. I was able to diet in between and kind
of get back on tract for a while, but as soon as stress hits, back to binge
eating. For a while when I had developed a few medical problems, hiatal
hernia, sinusitis, bronchitis and bouts of nausea and vomiting that would
last a week, every other week and continued for more than 10 years (the
throughing up started prior to the binge eathing.) The doctors could do
nothing for me, but through trial and erra, I solved the problem myself. I
digress, what's the topic? Oh yeah.
When I was being treated by my doc, I was scheduled for appointments every
two weeks and each time I returned the scale would read an extra 5-10 lbs
and of course the doctor became alarmed that I was gaining so much weight,
what he didn't know, between my periods of being deathly ill, I would binge
eat. Well, now ya know how I gained all this weight. most days I would
eat like a normal person, but in between, I pigged out like a crazed
animal.
Though most of my family was obese, I don't believe it had anything to do
with genetics, considering the childhoods we all had, we chose food as our
drug of choice, not drugs. the heredity was that we all die before the age
of 50 due to weight related health issues. I'm hoping I will be one of the
first to make it to 50. It's just me and my younger brother. I'm sorry,
I've got tears in my eyes as I write this so I'm going to stop now. My
sister passed one week prior to my surgery, she was going to be with me
during my recovery. Oh well, such is life.
— Rosa F.
August 25, 2003
Steve- I am definately a food addict. Pre-op I would hide my eating
habits. I was a definate binge eater and would go all day without eating
and then when the first hunger pain struck I was out at a fast food
resturaunt ordering enough food for three or four people. It was
definately a sickness. Now, at five months post-op and down 100lbs, I
still struggle with my urges daily. Although, I am not always physically
hungry, I am dealing with alot of emotional hunger. I am basically on a
life-long diet and the only way to be successful is to deal with the
emotional demons that got me here in the first place. This has been a very
hard journey for me; however, one that was necessary in order to free me
from my disorder. I don't know that I consider obesity a disease (atleast
for me) than I do a disorder. I was unable to cope with life in a healthy
productive way therefore I chose food as my coping mechanism. In the first
few months, that means of coping wasn't available to me and it was very
difficult although, it helped that I was rarely hungry; however, now I've
started to retrain myself to choose healthy alternatives to deal with
stressors. I guess it's like any other addiction...a constant battle;
although, defiantely a beatable one and I intend to do just that. Thanks
for the great question and I've enjoyed reading everyone's responses. Good
luck to all in this journey.
Denise RNY 3-20-03, 280/180/150
— denisel
August 26, 2003
Thanks to everyone for posting their comments on the food addict topic.
Like many of us, I know that I was a food addict pre-operatively and am one
today. For whatever reason, I found comfort, joy, solace and pleasure in
food; food was my tranquilizer of choice and my favorite coping mechanism.
Now, that I am at least of the nagging physical hunger that plagues the
morbidly obese, I can control the demons that urge me to rekindle my
romance with all things caloric. So far, it's working. But every morning,
I truly ask the Almighty for the strength to avoid the day's temptations,
and I make sure I say a big "thank you" at the end of every day
for having helped me through another day. So far, so good. It's a
struggle-- but as one of the posters put it, the thrill of feeling healthy
outweighs any adverse feelings from not catering to my head hunger.
Hope everyone meets their challenges in their own way and finds success.
P.S.- I posted this question after a long discussion with some of my
fellow support group members about the extent to which we should be
focusing on addiction issues and about whether those of us who did
habitually gourge ourselves ever saw ourselves as food addicts. Thanks for
everyone's insights.
— SteveColarossi
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