Question:
Where is this friendship headed?
— Yolanda J. (posted on August 5, 2003)
August 5, 2003
Just stay on track. Maybe you can accept one of her invitaions to go out to
eat and then set an example of what she should be eating. If you really
want to remain friends then you will probably have to address this
situation eventually. What ever you do don't fall victim to her ways.
— Les K.
August 5, 2003
she can't sabotage your process..the only person who can do that is you.
you make all the choices that deal with your body and i think you are
making very good choices. the next time she tries to tell you to eat
incorrectly just tell her that you want to follow your doctors orders to
the "t" and that you want a change for life not just a quick fix
only to regain all the weight you have worked so hard to lose. if you make
it sound like you don't want to be like her and do what she is doing she
will only get upset. it's best just to say what you want for your body and
use only yourself as an example. because really this is only about you and
your own journey. maybe she will get the hint, maybe not. and don't feel
quilty because she is the one who got you started..your the one who has to
finish it. if you were both alcoholics going to AA would you feel bad
because you didn't want to go drinking with her? and if she keeps on give
unwanted and bad advise...ask her how her own advise is working for her.
good luck
— franbvan
August 5, 2003
Sounds like she's falling off the wagon and wants to take you with her. I
saw something similar to this happen with my friends' parents, who are both
alcoholics. The dad was a raging alcoholic and the mom became one because
the dad didn't want to drink alone. She just wasn't strong enough to say
no. Your friend sounds like she wants an eating buddy! If she wants to
eat the wrong things and gain back her weight, there is nothing you can do
to stop her. But you CAN prevent her from dragging you along with her.
Don't feel guilty! Yes, she helped you discover WLS but YOU have been
doing all the hard work these past few months! If it were me I'd simply
tell her that I would be happy to join her for some non-eating activities
like a movie, a walk, some shopping, etc. If she gives you bad advice
about food, tell her thank you but you're sticking with what your surgeon
told you to do. And by all means, don't put the responsibility for HER
success on YOU. If she's going to eat wrong, not exercise, and sabotage
her WLS, that is her choice and is not your fault. You can be there to
encourage and support her but beyond that, she has to make her own
decisions about her health. If she continues to try to sabotage you, you
might want to consider finding a new friend. It's sad thing, but you've
worked long and hard to get where you are. We all have! And we deserve
to have friends who uplift us, not drag us down. Best of luck to you and I
hope things get better. Hugs, Jody
— MomBear2Cubs
August 5, 2003
I certainly wish your friend success in getting back on track and I agree
nobody can force you to do anything but you might give some thought to the
difficulty in being around her. It could be like an alcoholic being around
a bunch of buddies who are drinking - fine for some, way too tempting or
frustrating for others. Good Luck to You - you're doing great!!!!
— [Deactivated Member]
August 5, 2003
You know what you need to do, KICK HER TO THE CURB! She has issues that she
can't handle and she wants you to have them to. No matter what you do or
say she will yes you to your face then try to stick you in the stomach.
This was fine before surgery., but now the new you has come to light YOU
made the decision YOU had the surgery You are following the doctors
intructions, YOU are the one losing the weight, YOU are the master of your
world and there is no room for people that want to try to bring you down.
YOU ARE THE RULER OF YOUR DOMAIN! NO NEGATIVE THOUGHTS OR PEOPLE ALLOWED!
Look in to a book called The Four Agreements a Toltec guide to life. Very
good info. Good Luck
— MikeB
August 5, 2003
This person is NOT A FRIEND... she's on a self-destructive path.. and she
knows it.. she just doesn't want to go down alone.. I would kick her to the
curb...you don't even need enemies.. when you have a "friend"
like that.. Be strong.. do what you have been doing.. Good Luck. Chris
— chris S.
August 5, 2003
You got together because of WLS, but do you like her? I mean, do you talk
about other things besides WLS? Do you still like to go out to eat
occasionally? If so, maybe you could go out to dinner with her once in a
while, but continue with your activities with other friends. Do you have
mutual friends in common - go out in a group and maybe she'll lay off you
in a group. At least there will be more people to change the subject!
— JoSyrNY
August 5, 2003
my dear she is like an alcoholic that doesn't want to get drunk
alone......Everyone is right she just doesn't want to be alone on the road
to destruction
— E. V.
August 6, 2003
My friend got me interested in WLS because she'd lost 130 lbs. Then just
about 3 weeks before my surgery she tried everything to talk me out of it,
told me all the "bad" stories. Finally she admitted she'd gained
back 30 and she was afraid I'd be thinner than she is. Immature? You bet!
You'd think we were in our 20s instead of our 50s. Jealously is an ugly
green eyed monster. Your friend, and mine, have a bad case of it.
— Margaret G.
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