Question:
How do you react post-op when seeing morbidly Obese Persons?
I am 6 months post-op. I am still obese (120 lbs weight loss so far). When I see other morbidly obese persons I really feel for them. I want to go hug them and tell them I understand. I refrain because I don't know them. I have this strange connect with everyone obese that I see. I wouldn't say anything to them about WSL, because I know it would of hurt my feelings if someone had told me. I try not to stare, but sometimes I feel my quick glance is just as bad. How do I get over this feeling? — june22 (posted on July 26, 2003)
July 26, 2003
Hi Brenda- I am still pre-op. Everytime I see another morbidly obese
person, I want to shout from the rooftops "THERE IS HOPE FOR US!!!
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO ON LIKE THIS ANYMORE! YOU HAVE A DISEASE AND IT'S NOT
YOUR FAULT! Of course, I can't, because as people have mentioned on this
post, you never know where someone is in their struggle with weight. They
may not be interested in WLS or have the health insurance means to get it.
I don't really have any advice as to how to get over that feeling, but I
pray for the MO people that I see, that they may feel this ray of hope and
sunshine that I'm feeling :o) Congrats on your loss so far! Mea
— Mea A.
July 26, 2003
I hear ya! The other day when I was in the Sepulveda V.A. Hosp, I saw this
really huge woman and kept thinking and molling over whether I should go up
to her and strike up a conversation. It didn't happen since I saw no
"innocent" way of approaching her. The place was empty so it
would look odd if I got up and sat down next to her. I was also very
concerned that she would be upset if I mentioned anything. I got to work
on my approach and once a conversation is started then there may be an
opportunity to bring up the weightloss surgery e.g., "So what do you
think about that Carnie Wilson girl who had WLS?" When the topic is
posed in a nondirect way, I might be able to get a feel about someone's
views on the WLS and use that to tell them how I undone the surgery and how
wonderful and rewarding my experience has been.
<p> Take Care, Be Well, Be Happy!
— John T.
July 26, 2003
I'm ashamed to say it, but when I see a morbidly obese person now, I think
"Why don't you DO something??? Who knows, maybe they ARE doing
something.
— Angie M.
July 26, 2003
Brenda, since you're 6 months out I'm assuming you've been around here.
Remember posts about how people either felt they were stared at or either
they felt invisible like people ignored them as pre-ops? You know, there
is nothing wrong with a friendly smile and some conversation where
appropriate. I know some places people look at you like an alien when
you're friendly but you might give it a try. You could make someone's day
a bunch brighter.
— Shelly S.
July 26, 2003
When I see a person who is MO I feel for their pain.By this I mean their
physical pain.I remember the pain I was in from my hips, back and feet.I
too want to tell them that the can end alot of their pain by WLS but I know
that each of us must find our own way. We can only pray that the word gets
out about WLS and the insurance companies see that this is an illness and
begin to pay for Wls without a fight. My insurance company has paid out
less for me since I had the Wls because I no longer need medication and I
no longer need to see specalist for Mo related illnesses. Someday the
insurance companies will do the math and all will be able to get the help
they need.
— myra J.
July 26, 2003
having been obese all my life, i can really sympathize with the obese ppl i
see in public. i also remember how i felt if someone stared at me, watched
what i was eating, snickered when i couldnt fit in a restaurant booth etc.
& altho i would love to approach them & tell them i know how they
feel & what they are going thru, i never ever would! but, open up the
door & give me the opportunity to talk about how i lost 120 lbs &
you will be hard pressed to shut me up. but, i never tell the person...'you
should blah blah blah' as this is putting them on the spot & probably
going to make them feel ashamed of themself (more than they already do)
& put them on the defensive because it would make it seem that i am
attacking them for being obese. if they express interest in researching wls
for themselves, i ALWAYS give them the link to obesityhelp.com & my
email addy so they can contact me if they want to ask questions. this has
worked extremely well & 2 ppl so far have had wls because of my input.
— sheryl titone
July 26, 2003
Brenda - first, congrats on your awesome weight loss!!
I feel badly for the folks I see struggling to walk around and look so
uncomfortable. I want to tell them there's hope, but there is really no
nice way to approach someone in a mall and strike up such a personal
conversation. I am grateful that there is more news coverage lately and
can see the word is really spreading. However, if I am at a party and there
is an MO person there, I usually try to have a conversation with someone
nearby and mention my bypass.... and, most times that person will approach
me because of what they "overheard accidently!" If I know they
heard me and they do not approach me....then, I hope the best for them and
move on.
— teresa M.
July 26, 2003
My heart aches for them, because I will always remember what it feels like
to be overweight. However, I would never ever approach anyone about wls
without it coming up in general conversation. I remember how this would
have humiliated me. How do you get past this?? You can't, and you
shouldn't..always remember...and then be so very thankful. (((hugs))) and
smiles =)))
— DebPKansas
July 26, 2003
I always want to whip out my before picture and show them and explain my
solution. Of course I never DO, but I WANT to.
— mom2jtx3
July 26, 2003
I don't have an answer for you, but I can relate how a stranger's
wilingness to approach me about his weight loss surgery inspired me and
saved my life. I had only heard horror stories and wasn't even willing to
consider it even I though I had weighed about 500 pounds for a couple of
years. When a stranger approached me in a grocery store to tell me his
incredible story, I was intrigued but still unwilling to commit. Then, I
saw him a few months later and he asked what I had done and why I hadn't
contacted him; that's when the light went off for me. He started me on a
journey because of his boldness. As a result, I tend to find a way to
bring up my surgery in conversation with other obese people and it's why I
wrote about it on my webpage (http://steverevere.tripod.com); a stranger's
kindness saved my life, so I feel an obligation to try to do the same for
someone else.
— SteveColarossi
July 26, 2003
The one thing I've done is in my work environment I've been very open about
my surgery and my experiences with it, my support group, this web site etc
etc. I know some people I've talked to have kept their surgery very
private, but I almost feel as if I'm a spokesperson for WLS now. At work
I've had 2 people ask for my surgeon's phone #, and that's a very good
thing! Continued success to all. Linda
— lorien
July 27, 2003
I am pre-op but I really understand. I hated when strangers would approach
with a new "diet" because I know that only sets me up for
failure. However, once I am post-op, I intend to print out the cards
available on my personal page and give them to those I meet who may seem
interested in my story. I have seen good suggestions here-- just wanted to
point out there is a tool right here for you to use, too. Bless you.
— Susan R.
July 27, 2003
You won't get over it - you are a sensitive, empathetic person who would
love to share your joy with others. I have the same problem. I do try to
bring the surgery up in conversation whenever I can so that maybe the other
person will overhear and start to investigate. I have never kept my
surgery a secret - I will talk about it to anyone, anytime. But, I would
never approach someone unsolicited. You never know what their
circumstances are - maybe they don't have insurance or have been denied.
Or maybe they are among the few who did it and failed. You never know. I
do have a shirt that I wear sometims that has a picture of an angel in
cowboy boots (what we call my surgeon) embroidered on it and his name above
it and "gave me back my life" embroidered under the angel. I
have gotten several questions about the shirt and I am more than willing to
explain. I have heard of people wearing buttons that say "Ask me
about my weight loss sugery" or "Ask me how I lost x number of
pounds". There are ways, but we have to find them in a way that won't
embarrass or hurt the morbidly obese person.
— Patty_Butler
July 27, 2003
I think that just being nice to someone in GENERAL would be a good start.
And if it comes up, great. But if someone would've approached me about the
surgery when I was MO I would've wanted to die. They have a mirror, and
know they are obese. Duh. And they have no doubtedly seen some kind of
story about WLS. NO ONE decides to do this without making that mental and
emotional decision to make a life change. We are not PR (Public Relations)
machines. So just be nice to people, especially people that you KNOW are
probably getting treated badly because they are obese. You know what it is
like to get ignored. They are times when I really could've used a smile
from a stranger. And when you are obese there are months straight where
that simply doesn't happen. But when you are thin, or close to it, everyone
wants to be your friend. Just my two cents.
— kultgirl
July 27, 2003
I hear you loud and clear!! I have these extreme urge to help others. I
never, ever approach anyone about it, I just what to have what I do. I know
what it's like to be in their shoes and I am sure they want something
better. But never in a million years would I approach a complete stranger
and humiliate them publicly by telling them about WLS.
— bevewy
July 27, 2003
My heart goes out to those who still suffer and are so resigned that they
have given up hope of recovering from morbid obesity. So I talk ALOT about
what a difference the surgery has made for me. I get grossed out when I am
at a Chinese buffet and see huge people eating huge amounts of food, but
mostly because that used to be me and I remember how much food it took in
order for me to feel full. I competely empathize with those who struggle
to walk, move and breathe and I quickly take a deep breath and quicken my
pace a bit, lest the MO monster catch me again. Mostly, I have to practice
patience...with insurance companies and doctors who see life saving WL
surgery as elective and view it suspiciously as some trick, patience with
arrogant people who believe that I was too stupid, lazy and morally corrupt
to 'practice discipline' and 'take control' and that being morbidly obese
was my own fault and therefore I was somehow less deserving than some other
sick person. When I see a morbidly obese person, I remember that I will
always be a member of that club, no matter how much my body looks 'normal'.
And then I move on...like someone who got released from the concentration
camp and knows others still reside there, I am free and my obligation is to
me, to live as fully as I can, as healthy as I can, to show the skeptics
that WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY WORKS!!!
— merri B.
July 28, 2003
I feel the same way sometimes. I really feel for other obese people, but
feel if I glance at them, this is somehow rude. I don't feel bad when
others don't notice me in the store. (I am pre-op and weigh 350 lbs.)
Sometimes this makes me feel almost normal. I am making the effort to look
them in the eye, and say Hello. I saw a lady in her 60's that was over 400
lbs, sitting in the grocery. She had on oxygen and had her tank with her.
She was gasping just sitting there. I really felt bad for her. I have
thought about this some, and feel that when I have this surgery that I will
sometimes feel guilty that I was able to have it while others won't be able
to, might not know about it, (or possibly don't even want it). I guess all
I can do is pray for them (and us), which I already do.
— bufordslipstick
July 28, 2003
Not that I am advocating going up to someone cold and telling them about
the surgery, but if it wasn't for the kindness of a stranger, I may not
have had this surgery yet. Almost 2 years ago, a patient at the hospital
where my wife works as an RN lent my wife her copy of Barb Thompson's book
for me to read. This woman - her first name was Melissa but I cannot
remember her last name (I'd love to find out of she's a member of this
site) - was a post-op RNY (her hospitalization was unrelated to her WLS)
and didn't know me from Adam, but she cared enough after listening to my
wife to want to help.
<p>
After reading Barb's book, I got off the fence and decided to get this
surgery done. I'm now 12 1/2 months post-op and have lost a total of 195
pounds (13 pre-op and 182 post op) since my surgery on 7/17/02. I can only
hope that someday I can consciously help someone to make a similar
life-saving decision. In the meantime, I "pay it forward" by my
contributions on this and other WLS-related forums...JR
— John Rushton
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