Question:
How can I put my mom's mind at ease?

I am my mom's primary caregiver - my only other family lives in another state. She's my biggest cheerleader as far as this surgery goes, but of course, since I am her "baby" and have never had any major surgery or illness before, she's understandably afraid for me. She knows the facts of obesity first hand (she's a dialysis patient due to high blood pressure and diabetes related to obesity), but still she's worried. Any pearls of wisdom I can share with her to put her at ease? Oh, and me too while you're at it. My surgery is in 5 days and I'm finally getting nervous!!! Thanks in advance.    — Patti S. (posted on June 19, 2003)

June 19, 2003
I too was scared in the last days before my surgery. I decided to prepare for the worst by writing letters to my husband, mom and sister. I figured that way if something did go wrong I would be able to tell them my feelings on why I needed the surgery and how much I loved them. After I came home from the hospital we had a letter shredding party. Those letters put my mind at ease prior to surgery. I am now 8.5 months post-op and down 110 pounds. This surgery was they best thing I ever did for myself. I feel so much healthier now and I still have another 90 pounds to loose. Good luck to you.
   — ckreh

June 19, 2003
My mother was also very worried. She read everything I gave her about the surgery, but she had a lot of anxiety about it. I brought her with me to a support group meeting prior to my surgery and that seemed to ease her mind. Maybe hearing about all of the other people's successes (in the flesh) or seeing there were a lot of peoople who were alive and kicking post-operatively did the trick.
   — Cheryl D.

June 19, 2003
Hi Patti, Just like the last post, I took my mom to a support group meeting and that made a huge difference. She felt very much at ease talking to people that had allready had the surgery.
   — SomerGarza

June 19, 2003
how about letting your mom take a look at some profiles from this website. there are some pretty inspiring post-op stories!
   — carolsaunders

June 19, 2003
My mom was very uneducated about the surgery, and that made her very nervous (understandable) and determined to talk me out of it. I did some online reaserch and printed it up for her, and sat down with her and told her in detail what to expect. I also was very open about the pro's and con's of having it, and eventhough she was very set against me having it, she finaly became supportive. I did tell her I didn't expect her to agree with my decision, but I did expect her support. Talk to her, and answer her questions, but most importantly listen to her and reassure her. Also, show her some of the profiles on AMOS, and take her to a support group meeting.... As to the pre op jitters, stay busy. Make a list of pro's and con's of having and not having it done. 3 days prior to mine, I cleaned house, did ALL the laundry, and cooked about 2 weeks worth of meals for my DH, so all he had to do was nuke it.... I also prayed and read my bible a lot. It helped.... Good luck on your upcommikng day.....
   — mellyhudel

June 20, 2003
My son was very worried about my having surgery. I took my son to talk to a dr about the benefits/risks of the surgery versus benefits/risks of remaining obese. He now supports my decision.
   — Leica R.

June 20, 2003
Have her talk to my mom. It was do or die (literally) for me. Email me if you seriously want your wls mom to talk to another wls mom! :~)
   — Sharon M. B.