Question:
Does anyone feel edgy and even hateful after the decision to have WLS have been made?

I am in the process of completing all the requirements to have Lap RNY and lately I've been feeling edgy and angry for no reason. I snap at my hubby and cry at his comments, although I should note that his comments have been hurtful plenty of times. Sometimes, I feel that people are staring at me in public, thinking "What a fatso" I hate to get dressed for work. I can't stand my clothes and hate my appearance. I just can't wait to have surgery and feel better about myself.    — love to shop (posted on May 13, 2003)

May 13, 2003
Its pre surgery jitters and we all get them. I remember thinking the same way about not liking my clothes, hating my appearance even more, etc. Its like everything gets amplified and you just want it done and over with so you can move on with your life. As for your husband. If he isn't supportive or verbally abusive like your suggesting, kick his butt to the curb. You will find that when the weight starts to come off and your self esteem gets stronger, You won't put up with it anymore. You don't need that sort of thing in your life, fat or thin!
   — Kris T.

May 13, 2003
I am just beginning my process, but I feel the same way. I have been really looking at why I am fat, and how I let myself get this way and my relationship with food. I believe that knowing this surgery is real for me, it has made me look at things differently. I am now on edge all the time. There have been several times my dh has asked me what the he!! was wrong with me. How do I explain the I am so ashamed with myself and I cannot believe that my relationship with food has led me down this path. He is very supportive though, and wants this surgery for me as well as I do. I was heavy when we met, so I know he loves me regardless, but we have both come to the realazation that I would be a much happier person if I could shed some weight. I like you do not even want to get dressed in the morning. Why get made up when nothing I do hides all this flubber. I am a bit depressed, have been for a very long time, but now I know where my depression stems from, from being over weight. I was just trying to hide my feelings for so long, now that I know why I am unhappy and depressed, I feel like a weight has been lifted. Knowing that there is an end in sight and the I can use a tool(wls) the will work I have been emotionally better. Danni (After reading what I wrote I think I might have gone off a bit. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone!!!)
   — mytime

May 13, 2003
I know EXACTLY what you mean and after reading hundreds of profiles I can safely say that this is a very normal reaction. I've been seeing a counselor and I think I understand the WHY of it. I think that as MO people we live in denial about how hard and painful life is physically and emotionally. Denial makes it possible for us to tolerate people's comments, like your husband's. But in order to make the decision to have life altering surgery and then to fill out all the necessary paperwork, we have to come face to face with the reality of MO life, how difficult it is, how it limits us from life, all our co-morbidities, as well as the many failures we've had trying to control it. We recognize that we CANNOT continue to live this way -- only there's this gap between decision-making and the actual surgery and we don't have denial working for us anymore. It makes that time very painful. All I can suggest is using this 'bad energy' to start living a new life even before surgery -- journal about what life is like now and what you hope for in the future, make a list of the things you'll be glad to say goodbye to, make another list of the things you want to be able to do with your new life. Start drinking more water and eating more protein and fewer carbs. Buy what you'll need post-op. Get on some of the Yahoo OSSG sites and become familiar with the issues of long term living with WLS. Try visualizing your new life and new activities. Read books. Go to a support group. I've been trying to see the "ME" that God loves unconditionally and then love myself more and treat myself with more grace and less judgement. Sounds like you're practicing some assertiveness with your husband already! If you want to talk more about it I'd love to hear from you. Laura
   — Laura K.

May 13, 2003
I never felt fatter than the days after I decided to have surgery! I had lived a life of denial for many years! I think that we have to just to get through the days as a MO in this very body conscious society. I was worried that I would be bitter post op too! I am surprisingly not although I don't take too much crap from anyone anymore and interestingly not to many people give me a hard time or disrespect me anymore. Fat haters are the last of the accepted bigots and it is so sad but true. I now get very sad when I see a very large person moving through a store because I know that misery so personally. This surgery has changed my life in many more ways than I could have imagined. I did not realize how much I avoided in life and what I was missing out on. Ithink what you are feeling is normal and just part of this fun pre op journey. Good Luck to you, I know how hard this part of the trip is. It is worth it 100%!!!!! :)
   — Carol S.

May 13, 2003
Hi Erina, I've been the same way. Tomorrow is my surgery. I am in a very quiet and solitude mood. I really don't want to talk to anyone. My husband asked me last night what was wrong. I said, "nothing, just waiting." In the months since I've started the process for this, I have run the full cycle of emotions. From fear, sadness, elation, and just plain "let's get the d*** thing over with". Last week hubby was in one of his "down" moods about my surgery ( he has always been very supportive, just concerned as is normal) And I yelled at him "Honey, I'm 300 lbs.. How much longer do you think my heart will hold out if I keep going in this direction? I've been VERY lucky so far that I don't have any full blown co-morbids, all borderline, I don't want to go over that line, AND, I'm just plain sick and tired of being tired." And he hugged me, and told me he loved me and was with me all the way. He must love me, to put up with the emotional rollercoaster I've put him and my daughter through. LOL. Good luck with everything Erina. :-)
   — KellyJeanB

May 14, 2003
A lot of us are in denial. That sounds like a cop out, but it's not. We've been mo for so long, we have developed some pretty strange and good coping habits. When you start with the paperwork and the doc's visits, if you think about it, we are having our precieved realtiy threatend. Before starting my journey, I knew I was mo, but had never realy dealt with it. When I started, and especialy when it came time to do things like sign my living will and power of attorney, and go thru preop, I felt threatend and scared. I cried for about an hour after I signed those documents, and when I came home from preop, I cried again. The night before my surgery, I cried. I was the wicked which of the west. I was not a happy person to be around, because everything I had known was about to change. I still go thru mood swings, but now I'm on the loosing end, and constantly am having to look at me and my preception of me, and how I think other people precieve me. It does get better. Good luck, and God Bless! 3 weeks out, down 22 lbs.
   — mellyhudel

May 14, 2003
Yes, I absolutely understand the anger. I've felt that way about myself the entire time I've been overweight. I could never understand why anyone would like me looking this way so I just lashed out at other people before they could lash out at me first. What a terrible way to live!! I went to my PCP and she dignosised me as having depression! Yep, many many people suffer from depression. Go get help! I've been talking Celexa for three years now and I'm lots happier than I was. You must remember..........GOD made you this way for a reason. If it's in his will for you to be thin he will make this surgery possible for you. Don't give up!! If this is what you want..... fight for it. Good lucky my dear!!
   — Jeanette D.