Question:
Howcome people complain about how little they lost?
I am 4 months post-op. Now we all know that at this stage in the game it is not a sure thing that we will all be skinney bean poles. It makes me further depressed that people are upset that they only lost so much. I am 4 months post-op and I had a distal RNY Lap, I have lost 47 pounds to date, not much since some lose that in just one omonth or two. But hey, I will take the weight loss that I have and I am thankful for where I am today, why are so many people so unhappy with where they are? I did pay private for my surgery it was not a gift from the insurance company. — train (posted on January 22, 2003)
January 22, 2003
Because some people are never happy - fat, thin or in between...JR (open
RNY 07/17 -142 pounds - and happy!!!)
— John Rushton
January 22, 2003
I understand your frustration. They are quick to compare to others losses
or perhaps their surgeon puts undue pressure onn them, implying they are
not up to par- either way, they are human- so they worry. As for the
Insurance comment: I do pay into insurance in case of situations like these
as does my husband. I do not consider it a *gift*. As any insurance I
purchase, residence, fire, automobile, life... I purchase it in case of
NEED. I have health insurance and I used it when I needed it, but I also
pay for it. You may have rubbed a few people wrong with the comment and
don't be surprised if you may see some hostile replies- not that I am
trying to be hostile! Just trying to explain what insurance is, and how it
works.
— Karen R.
January 22, 2003
just my opinion...but i think its a mixture of insecurties, we have failed
at so many diets and when we go through such a drastic measure such as this
surgery, we want the best outcome....I am a "snail loser" and in
the beginning i felt those insecurities as well, dosnt mean i wasnt happy
with the weight loss just that i thought i would fail the surgery and make
a complete ass of my self...no one wants to feel that way as time went on
and i lost and beleive me i lost very slow, i began to see that i needed to
just be patient and allow my body to do what it needs to do to get me to
where i am today. I am very pleased with my overall weight loss and yet
still want to lose 10-20 pnds if i never lose another pound I am ok with
that also...its acceptance and sooner or later the people who wine about
their loss will learn to accept ur weight loss as a success too.......good
luck to you!!!!!!!!!
— Deanna Wise
January 22, 2003
Well Cheryl, we'll wait and see how you truely feel when you are around 18
months post op. As for me, I'm still in the high overweigth BMI range and
YES, I am disappointed. Happy, yet unhappy that I can't get in the Normal
BMI range. I weighed 123 in high school and had hoped for the middle range
of normal (around 129 for my short height). At 20 months post op I'm still
"high" overweight range. Plus I'm having alot of abdomial pains
that no one can figure out why and many nutricianal problems... and still
I'm overweight. So I'm wondering why I had WLS and having all these
problems and still overweight. We go through so much as WLS is NOT the easy
weight out, then to not even get in a normal range is very depressing.
— Danmark
January 22, 2003
I think it's because those people also see posts like mine that say I'm 5
& 1/2 months post op and I've lost over 140 pounds. But may not realize
my beginning weight was MUCH higher than theirs and that's why I've lost so
fast. I probably weigh now what they weighed to begin with! So at this
weight I can do everything I've never done in my life and yet when they
weighed this amount they couldn't do anything physically. So it is kind of
depressing but the thing I try to remember is that I have the rest of my
life to lose weight and get healthy. This tool I've been given will never
go away. I have it for life and like any tool you can use it for life as
long as you take care of it! Congrats on your weight loss and keep your
head up like you have been! Just my 2 cents.. :) God Bless!
— Diana L.
January 22, 2003
My *gift* was paid by insurance that I PAY FOR! So, no I didn't pay $20,000
thank GOD! Just because a person doesn't pay out of pocket, doesn't mean
they appreciate it LESS. Some people aren't happy with ANYTHING, even if
they DID pay for it. I'm thrilled with my 30lbs in 6 weeks. I think we all
need to back off and be a little nicer to ourselves. Pat yourself on the
back for what you HAVE done, instead of kicking yourself for what you
haven't done.
— Diana L.
January 22, 2003
I am 6 weeks post op and have lost 23 pounds. I thought that I should be
losing more too (I'm considered a "lightweight"). At my 6 week
checkup the dietician told me I need to look at percentage of excess body
weight. For me that was 20% which is very good. I hadn't thought about it
like that. I'm glad she told me.
— Pat B.
January 22, 2003
I am sure that ALL of us will, at times, feel frustrated, disappointed,
etc...with our weight loss process. I am thankful that I found this site
that allows me the opportunity to vent to people who have "been
there/done that". I am a mite irked at your comment about
"surgery was not a gift from the insurance company". My husband
is self employed & we pay $700.00 A MONTH for our insurance-two
adults/2kids. So, while I did not pay my $20,000 surgery fee in one lump
sum, I certainly did pay for it- in my monthly payments to our insurance
company.
Best wishes in your process.
— Heather N.
January 22, 2003
Good for you for not feeling pressured to compare your rate of loss with
that of others! As for the insurance .... I've been paying for this
surgery for nearly 20 years now .... that's how long I've been working and
paying into the insurance that's going to pay for this surgery. Not even
close to being a "gift". Best wishes for your continued loss and
resulting health and happiness.
— Dragon G.
January 22, 2003
I can't say much because I am pre-op. But I would like to lose 10
pounds!!!! I also have to defend the insurance comment. I am sorry to
hear that you HAD to pay out of pocket (it would have been sweeter if your
insurance would have "paid off" that way you could have used the
$20K+ on nips and tucks <<wink>>) but there are a lot of
hardworking people who pay a lot and don't ask for much in return and
deserve weight loss surgery.
— Marcy G.
January 22, 2003
I have not had surgery as of yet I am still in the process of getting all
my paperwork done but I do compare myself to others on this board. My
reason I would like to see what I can hope for whether it be good or bad. I
have seen many women who start out at my size get down very small while
others don't even get into normal range but either way they have made a
change for the better and I believe that they are all really happy with
there weight loss whether it comes across that way on here or not. I have
never been given the opportunity to have this much sucess in any weight
loss venture I have tried so it is nice to be able to see where others have
went with it. As for your comment about it not being a gift from
insurance.I am quite sure that anyone who has had to fight an insurance
company doesn't see it as a gift. Most of us pay more into insurance than
we may ever need, most have had to jump through hoops for insurance
approval before we can ever get to see a surgeon, and then wait to see if
the ALMIGHTY INSURANCE DIATY will approve it. Congratulations on being able
to come up with the cash to have this done. If I could beg, steal,borrow or
earn that type of money I wouldn't still be trying to get my
"gift".
— S C.
January 22, 2003
I, too, am a pre-op and I am having to jump hurdles and fly through hoops
(I sound like a horse! lol) to get my insurance company, which is PAID for
by my DH, to get this surgery approved. I am not going to pity you for
having to pay out of your pocket, that much money, and I ask that you not
judge those of us who are paying out of our pocket. The only difference
between you and me is that your money went from your hand to the doctors
and my money is going from my hand to the insurance hand to the doctors
hands. So see it all comes from the same place and ends in the same
pocket.
I don't know you, and hopefully one day we will have the pleasure of
meeting, but it seems to me that you are asking why people are judging
others for the amount they lose, when in fact you are judging people by how
the bill is being paid. I am not a scholar, but didn't the bible say
"judge not, let be be judged" or something like that. Good luck
with your journey to a better "you".
— Regina S.
January 22, 2003
In regards to why some of the people on the site might seem to be
disappointed with their initial weight loss, I think maybe it has a lot to
do with the fact that maybe they anticipated more loss than what they
accomplished. Granted, it is a good thing to shoot for the stars. But
sometimes, that can lead to a heap of disappointment. I think everyone who
had enough courage and fortitude to get this surgery should be proud of
that effort itself. Now, as for the insurance statement. I have to agree
with everyone else when I say that insurance paying for it is far from
being any sort of "gift". Some of the people who have gotten this
surgery has had to fight, scratch, and claw to get their insurance
companies to even consider them for surgery, much less approve it. People
pay good money out to these companies, and they are more than reluctant to
pay that money back out to them. So saying that insurance paying for
someone's surgery is a "gift" makes about as much sense as
someone saying that you put money in the bank to save, and instead of being
able to withdraw it for yourself, the bank keeps it for it's own gain.
Nothing in this life is free. We all know this. The way I figure it,
whatever means to an end. Just as long as a person gets the surgery, it
should not matter to others if they paid for it themselves, the insurance
company paid for it or they inherited a pot of gold coins from their great
Aunt Gerty and traded it in for surgery..it doesn't matter. I am sorry for
the rambling, everyone,and I hope I did not offend anyone. But I found that
comment to be quite condenscending and I had to respond.
— Lisa S.
January 22, 2003
"a gift" from the insurance company? i have paid into insurance
for years hundreds of thousandsof dollars the yhave made from me over the
years, they contract for health care, wls is part of that, its no gift. its
what they are in businesss for.
— janetc00
January 22, 2003
Hello its me. I just wanted other to know that I consider anything that
the insurance pays for a "gift". It is a blessing that we even
have insurance otherwise our whole check would go to health care. I know
we pay insurance premiums too for our family of 6! Yes, that is 4 small
children and I work fulltime on nights and I am also a RN and I still
consider it a blessing to have the insurance cover the surgery. I had to
take out a loan for the surgery in addition to my insurance premiums every
month! I just want people to be content rather than always comparing
themselves to others. I hope that someday I will beable to let everyone
know that I too am down 100 pounds!
— train
January 22, 2003
I don't think I would consider the insurance company paying for the surgery
a gift. I have paid insurance for years and have barely used it. If I had
cancer, I wouldn't consider surgery paying for a gift. I consider it what
they owe me. As for the weight loss I think people get nervous when they
don't see a more substatial weight loss because they feel like, "I
went through all of this pain, and this might be it?" (especially
those of us that had open)_
— alexis G.
January 22, 2003
GIFT-- something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without
compensation. My insurance co never gave me a gift!!!! This is part of the
benifits package that I get from work as compension!! It sounds to me like
you are COMPLAINING about the fact you had to private pay. I guess it is
human nature to complain about something.
— Robert L.
January 22, 2003
A "GIFT?" I've been paying insurance premiums at my job for over
five years. So, I wouldn't necessarily call it a gift! We can't all
afford to self-pay like yourself.
— April K.
January 22, 2003
Hi Cheryl:
Just because YOU do not want to complain about your weight loss does not
mean that everyone is like you. We are all different, with various
expectations from this surgery. Unlike you, most of us who have had WLS
covered by the insurance company, do not consider it a "gift".
Many have taken low paying jobs, unlike an RN, that offer generous
insurance coverage. It seems to me that you are just as guilty of
comparing, albeit in a different way. You are happy with your weight loss,
and evidently that you are self pay, so why not just leave it at that.
Recognize that your beliefs are not necessarily the only true beliefs.
Ignore the posts about those who are unhappy with their weight loss. As
long as YOU personally are happy, who cares what others complain about?
— Grace H.
January 22, 2003
As an RN I myself do not see what being an RN has to do with this? I do
not consider the insurance covering my surgery a gift. They only cover
what they want, when they want, there is no way that can be defined as a
gift. I have insurance to cover medical costs. Insurance companies are in
this to make money pur e& simple. I am currently on my 2nd appeal
letter to try & get coverage from a company that has received over $600
a month of my pay checks & my employers contributions for almost 6
years. If it is a "GIFT" why am I having to fight so hard for
it? Just because you took out your funds in 1 large sum that you pay back
to a bank instead of having "pre-paid" to the insurance company
does not make our surgery a gift.
Now, as to the complaints. I think it is probably more of a fear that if
they don't lose it quickly, they will slow down and/or stop losing too
soon. If you go through all the emotional and physical trauma to have this
surgery, you would want it to be successful. They are just scared of
failing or having the surgery fail them. JMHO
— Donna O.
January 22, 2003
I am sure (or at least I hope) you didn't mean to come off as insulting in
your post/question, but you sure did. Yeah, I am frustrated that the last
of my weight is coming off extremely slowly (you can get spoiled by the
rapid loss right after surgery, and this is a danger to guard against) but
if I come here with legitimate questions about how to break thru a plateau,
I would hope AMOS members would be supportive and nonjudgemental...luckily
most of them have been. Perhaps you are frustrated by your rather slow
loss and this is your passive-agressive way of complaining about it. My
advice is if you see a header for a question that doesn't interest or
pertain to you, you should skip it, as most of us who have been coming to
this site for a while have learned to do. As for this surgery being a
"gift" from the ins. cos. I wont even go there...believe me, they
have made it all back ten fold.
— rebeccamayhew
January 23, 2003
Yes I do compare my weight loss with other to see if I'm on the right track
and yes I am scared right now because I exercise my butt off and only eat
very little and I am still stuck on a plateau from hell, sometimes I worry
that I'm failing this too. Good for you that your not worried! but I do
worry,yes I'm very thankful for the 56lbs lost so far,but if I want to
compare its my perogotive and I think you came off very insulting and
judgemental. If you don't like the questions people ask don't read them!
— kelly M.
January 23, 2003
Hello, WOW! I didn't expect to get hate mail based on my one time
question! I just wish that people where more appreciative with the weight
they lost and the POSTIVE impact that alone has on our health and general
wellbeing. The point I think several of you MISSED is I TOO pay for
insurance premiums even with that I STILL HAD TO PAY PRIVATELY INADDITION
TO my insurance premiums. What happen to the support that I am supposed to
find here. I will not apologized for going to college and following
through and finishing my degree. I see people everyday with no insurance
for their health care and I am grateful for what I have period in my life!
I am not cutting anyone down, you clearly misunderstood. I also have no
passive-aggressive problem but thanks for attempting to diagnosis me
without seeing and or meeting me! What happened to all the posts that were
so thankful to GOD that they were given an opportunity to have the surgery
regardless who paid for it? Are we not here to support and encourage?
Perhaps, I am in logging on to the wrong web site. Also, I have no
underlying fear of my success, I am patient and each pound that I lose I am
glad. I appeciate those of you who have supported me, for you I wish you
ongoing success not just in the weightloss but in your life, by supporting
others and not being so quick to judge others. I am sure your blessings
will be returned to you ten folds.
— train
January 23, 2003
Perhaps you should read your original post again. You say we are judging
you and not supporting you?? I think you did the same to us
— kelly M.
January 23, 2003
I've read your post over and over wishing I wasn't seeing what I thought I
was.....but there it is, in black and white......PREJUDICE! It is so sad
that you would feel such animosity against us because we have finally
benifited from our insurance program to which we have contributed to for so
many years. Choose your words carefully....."GIFT" is not a good
one.
— DRutherford
January 23, 2003
In my opinion, with a history of diet attempts and one failure after
another, I tend to be very obsessed with my tool. I panic when the scale
isn't moving. I worry that it's all going to stop. At 4 months, you
probably have seen a steady weight loss, maybe slower than some of us, but
steady, none-the-less. For me, at 4 months, I hit a platue and now am on
another one. Will I stop losing now? Probably not, but for me that panic
of past failures creeps up on me. This is a place we can get encouragement
when we feel paniced.... As a nurse, I would assume that you would
recognize that in people. We aren't trying to complain, just get a little
support. Hence a support group. I don't think most people here are trying
to really bash you in a mean way, but the wording of you comments felt
harsh. We are all different people and have different emotions. I
personally only post to questions that I am interested in. I know you got
alot more feedback here than you thought you would get, but it's a touchy
subject. Stick around, there is support here when you need it, but
comments that judge (even if not intended) tend to get this kind of
feedback. Good luck to you, and I hope you continue to be happy with your
results.
— Dana B.
January 23, 2003
I prefer to use the phrase "A gift from GOD" --- I thank God that
my insurance company is paying for my surgery so that I don't have to pay
for it, on top of paying my monthly premiums to the insurance company.
I don't think you need to leave this website...it is the very best that you
will be able to find for this kind of support. I don't think you meant to
hurt anyones feelings... sometimes tone of voice is preceived wrong when
the words are typed out instead of spoken. I would take this as a BIG
misunderstanding and put it behind you. I too, get a little annoyed when I
see a post that says "I've only lost 60 lbs in 7 months" -- thats
just an example, not a real post. Everyone should be thankful to whomever
they pray to, for the gift of life that this surgery has given them. But,
we also have to remember that failure is a hard thing to put behind you,
especially when it happened over and over again with diets and eating
plans. And that someone might have a different idea of what their results
were going to be from this surgery then what is really happening to them.
Lets just move on from this post and continue to support each other.
~Sarah
— sibarra
January 23, 2003
— Julia T.
January 23, 2003
I can understand the viewpoint of some folks when they get frustrated about
their weight loss. Like I said last night, people expect to see the pounds
fly by, and instead, they see them creep off. I, personally, believe that
stems back to most people going on diets and seeing them fail over and over
again. I can understand why a person would get upset about that. After
having to go through so much to just get this surgery. Perhaps I did jump
the gun about crawling all over the original poster about her statement.
But I was brought up to try and fight against any sort of prejudice I see,
and I thought that was an example of such. I know how hard RNs work. My
mother is an RN I have seen her go to work on two bad knees, in pain like
people would not believe, but she did make good money. And a college
education is not indicative of intelligence. It does mean that the person
who has one has the intelligence to get one, but that does not mean that
those of us who might not aren't equally as perceptive or intelligent. Now,
about the support comment. Indeed, we all come here for support of some
sort. Be it about personal topics, such as a marital problem, or something
as commonplace as talking about slow weight loss. Some people come here to
seek encouragement that they can't get from anyplace else but from people
on this website. A lot of people aren't lucky enough to have a supportive
husband/wife/signifigant other and family to back them up. So they come
here for the support they are lacking elsewhere. That is why all of us come
to this site. So for anyone to make one feel bad about coming to this site
to seek that encouragement, then to feel bad about not being supported
themselves in their statements of such just blows my mind. You are lucky
that you have your surgery, and that you are happy with your loss. That is
great. But please don't make others feel bad about coming here to seek
support and encouragement from their peers, just because their posts annoy
you. If it annoys you, don't read it. Find something else to look at. It is
easy as that. Again, I hope I have not offended anyone with my comments.
Please forgive me if I have. But I call them as I see them. God bless you
all, and good luck on your respective journeys.
— Lisa S.
January 23, 2003
I think everyone has made some good points...cheryl this is a support
system for alot of people..like you I hope...but some people need support
by being told they are normal for having lost 48lbs in 3 months (me). I
think as Obese people we are obsessed with our weight because society makes
us that way (not blaming..just statistically) we obsessed when it went on
and now we obsess with it coming off cause this is literally our last
chance. I bet a cancer patient obsesses about their treatment...this is
treatment to me....And for all the pre-ops that posted..I thought the same
thing..how can they complain when I can't lose a lb running twenty miles
eating carrots and drinking a gallon while they lose and do nothing. In my
situation..I got to the other side and was depressed..I didnt expect this.
So you feel like you go through all this pain and adjustment (harder than
any diet I have been on) and then nothing. Plus everyone wants to be
normal..otherwise there would not be this site would there?..we would
consider ourselves normal at 312lbs (me)...I will tell you pre-op I looked
at everyone and still do and think they did it in this time. It's human
nature and especially womanly nature to compare ourselves...why do you
think there are supermodels, fashion magazine and the E channel..we as
humans compare..and I dont think there is anything wrong. sure I get
frustrated when they post..I just don't open those questions. I think we
are dealing with lots of different people with lots of different levels of
sensitivety and maybe we just need to realize that we are all
diffent..tolerance is the word I think...now about the insurance as a
gift...I think thats a touchy subject..and writing anything about that you
should have just expected to receive some bad posts. Nasty mail comes with
the territory of being bold and brave!
— Jessica L.
January 23, 2003
I believe that having insurance AVAILABLE to us, no matter how much we pay
for it, or how we pay for it, is a wonderful gift. But it isn't a gift as
defined in the typical dictionary, its more of a blessing type of gift.
There is so much insurance fraud these days, that being approved is such a
relief. The insurance companies have to watch closely to whom they will
approve, because of all the people that have previously taken advantage of
having the insurance. I didn't have to pay a dime for my surgery. Not in
monetary value anyway. My husband is going to Iraq, on the front lines, if
in fact we do go to war. He is far away from his home and family. That is
how we pay for our health care. So we pay, some pay dearly. And with the
sacrifices that are made by our military, I still am so thankful for the
benefits that we receive. And to address the slow weight loss issue. I am
the queen of slow losers. Started as a lightweight, and have lost 98 lbs.
in 14 months. I have celebrated and been thankful every step of the way.
And it really bothers me when people get on here and moan and groan about
not losing fast enough, when to me it is a substantial amount. There are a
lot of negative people in this world, and some have WLS and complain about
the results. I always try to keep a positive attitude and it makes me sad
when I see where people are not thankful where they should be. I'm no
saint, but I try to be thankful in every situation. I also try to find the
good in a bad situation. So as I always say, ENJOY your journey!!
— Cheri M.
January 23, 2003
I totally agree with Cheri that we should be happy with what we do lose at
whatever rate we lose it. I also agree with Cheryl as it bugs me a little
bit when I read the poster moaning because they have "only lost X
number of pounds". I usually answer them (yes, supportively and
kindly), to tell them they are on the right track, but to also tell them
and admonish gently that it will drive them nuts if they continue to
compare themselves to everyone who lost faster than they did even if they
started at the same height and weight. I try to reassure them that it is
futile to do comparisons. Part of that I know is fear, but come on, when
someone has lost 47 pounds in 3 or 4 months, how is that failure?? I see
it as wonderful success and I try to get them to see it that way and to
relax and just be grateful for what the surgery is doing for them. I do
think that Cheryl used a poor choice of words when she said
"gift" from the insurance company and I think from her subsequent
posts that she agrees too. Ease up, people.
— Cindy R.
January 23, 2003
Hi everyone,
I read Cheryls post and I guess I didnt take it like such a bad comment as
so many of you did. I had the "gift" from my insurance company
too, and boy am I ever thankful. BUT I feel like Cheyl didnt mean that our
luck in insurance approval was not deserved. I think she probably just
wished she would have been lucky enough to be in our shoes. I personally
didnt take offense to what she said about it. We all know we pay our
premiums and have for years, and by "we" I include Cheryl. Our
approvals were deserved and it is just a bummer that Cheryl and others who
pay premiums like we all do have to be forced to self pay, because their
particular insurance company leaves them in the lurch. I hope this makes
sense to you all. Now as far as getting discouraged with weight loss... I
feel discouraged sometimes too. Do I logically realize that I have lost
more than any other diet I have been on? YES! BUT do I also get concerned
that maybe I will prematurely hit the end of the weight loss road? SURE DO!
I think it is human nature to be on the defensive about many things in our
lives, including weight loss. I think also that a lot of us look at others
successes and use them as guides, because who really knows what to expect?
I mean you have these high expectations and you HOPE for the most awesome
results you could possibly ever have, otherwise why even have the surgery?
But thats not to say that we all dont have to face the reality of it all.
Questions about this or that are just that, QUESTIONS. We all have
different things that concern us, and for some it is slow weight loss or
plateaus, for others its not even about concern, just sharing the happiness
of our new lives. I dont know, but I am thankful for everyone here, and I
hope in no way I have offended anyone.
— [Deactivated Member]
January 24, 2003
Hi, I think sometimes people forget that for RNY, a "successful"
surgey is when you lose 60-70% of your excess weight, NOT 100%. So even
though people lose weight, a lot of us may not ever be "skinny"
or "normal" or whatever you want to call it. We all know that it
is discouraging when you are on a plateau, (trust me, i'm on one now!) but
I will also be honest and say that if you are one that reads the Q & A
board everyday, you DO get tired of seeing "I have only lost xx amount
of pounds" 5 times everyday. Of course we all are here to be as
supportive, but really, if you are that concerned that you are not losing
weight, or if you are concerned with another problem, you should CALL YOUR
SURGEON! I am not saying this to be mean, but it is what should be done.
— fropunka
January 24, 2003
when I see the " I only lost 60# in 4 months comments, I ask myself
are they complaining or bragging?
— **willow**
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