Question:
Afraid of the extra attention!

I will be returning to work on Monday (1/13/03) after being out for 3 months. First RNY on 10/15/2002, then ovarian tumor (benign) just as I was to return to work from WLS. In the three months, I have lost 60 pounds, and because I was feelin' a little sassy yesterday, got my hair cut totally differently! I am naturally introverted, and I know my 30 co-workers will be supportive, but I'm afraid they won't notice the changes as much as I'm afraid that they will! I'm dreading the attention - crazy I know. How have you all mentally prepared for seeing many people who haven't seen you in a while?    — Yolanda J. (posted on January 10, 2003)

January 10, 2003
I suggest you talk to a counselor on handling the attention because it will come from everywhere. If your co-workers don't know you had RNY they may be polite and quiet assuming that you were ill and lost weight. But if they do know, you will be bombarded with questions/comments. Keep in mind that people don't know what to say and can say some ignorant things sometimes -- much like making comments on the size of a pregnant woman's stomach...they mean well but really don't know what to say. So take some ignorant comments tongue in cheek. But there is no way you can avoid the attention and you'll have to figure out some way to deal with it and the best way is practicing your responses such that people don't feel comfortable asking you more questions. When asked "have you lost weight" you can answer "yes" and walk away. Or if told "you look really good" you can say "thank you and you can't tell me that anymore because you know how shy I am". Things like that so you're not hurting people's feelings but they know that you prefer to stay to yourself. Good luck and God Bless!
   — Kimberly L.

January 10, 2003
I understand your situation. I'm especially sensitive to comments about my appearance. But since you've had such a tremendous loss (yeah you!) over such a short time, PLUS the hair cut...they are bound to say something. All you can really do is smile, say "thank you" and then divert the conversation ("you have YOU been?", "what's new around here?, etc.). People will naturally be curious about your transformation. And their compliments will be genuine. The key here is "grace". Gracefully accept their compliments. If they have questions, answer if you want, or don't if you'd rather not. Hopefully they will want to be sensitive and take their cues from you. Good luck and congratulations!
   — Amy W.

January 10, 2003
Hey Yolanda!!! I, like you, did the same! Got my hair cut and tried to look good but felt like shit. I thought no one would notice that I after 6 weeks had lost 40 pounds already. (Open RNY 11/21/02) When I went to work everyone was hugging and kissing me and pretty much telling me how proud they were for what I had the courage to do. It felt really good to hear all that. Do not worry; the same will happen for you. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!
   — Regina C.

January 10, 2003
Hi Yolanda...first let me say I'm so happy to hear you are able to go back to work now after all you have been through! God is so very good! <P> Secondly, I've lost 94 lbs. and frankly when people first started noticing and giving me compliments, I was so shy about it and could barely stand hearing it. I'm very introverted and actually have social phobia. It took about a month before I was accepting compliments and saying "thank you" instead of saying stuff like "yeah, but, I have so much more to lose" or some such. If it's been years since people have complimented you on ANYTHING, yes, it might take a while to get used to the attention. Remember, people who are nice enough to compliment you LOVE to see that their compliment is well-taken and pleases the complimentee (is that a word?) And also don't be surprised if some people don't compliment you right off. Some folks just don't know what to say, or how to say it. Just try to be gracious...for me this took a bit of practice. Hugs, Joy
   — [Deactivated Member]

January 10, 2003
Hi Yolanda, I can definetly relate. I will be one year post-op on the 18th of this month. I am down 117lbs. I absolutely hated the attention I recieved when I got back to work, yet oddly enough I would feel a little hurt when someone didn't notice. Talk about confusing. It has been a wild ride for sure ! Recently I have been able to say thank you, instead of trying to shrink into a corner. Its not easy going from recieving no attention, to recieving lots of unwanted attention. I am cosidering seeing a counselor for this issue. Congradulations on your weight loss.
   — Sherry S.

January 10, 2003
I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! everyone has been so supportive, at least to my face,(Apparently some have been saying I 'm losing too fast, etc) but some times it is so embarrassing when people are too gushy about it. The- "you look sooooo great!!! " or " you look better every day!!!!" I want to ask "was I really so hideous before?" A Dr. I work with was unaware that I had surgery and asked another nurse if I had lost a lot of weight, and was I sick or something, she told Him I had surgery, and he came back to tell me how wonderful I looked , which was a nice feeling, but I couldn't help remembering the really rude things I have heard him say about overweight patients in the past and wondered if he said or thought the same things about me. I am the same person, same intelligence, same values, same feelings thinner as when I was fatter.
   — **willow**

January 11, 2003
I don't mean to sound negative, but one of the reasons that I quit a fantastic job was because of the extra attention. I was the lead secretary of my department, which was small, but the whole company had 150 employees in it. I didn't know everyone in the company, but suddenly, they knew me!! I felt as if I was good enough to know before and then after surgery, everyone wanted to know me. I couldn't take it and I quit. My own department was very supportive though and I appreciated that. I am now 2 years post op and waitressing. I like it cause its good money, but I sometimes wish I was still in the office. Good luck
   — enjo4