Question:
Are you treated differently since your weight loss?
I have noticed that since I have lost 110 lbs that I am treated differently by the opposite sex!!! I went into a supermarket near my home and I was asked if I needed any help by 5 different men and even the young man that bags groceries asked me if I wanted assistance with my bags (I had only 2!!). Where I live you don't get helped out to your car very often!! I rarely got asked if I needed any help in a store when I was obese. I kinda like it!!!! But then in the back of my mind it bothers me too. There should not be different treatment of obese people. I was just wondering if you have found that you are treated differently since you have lost weight too. — RODEO CLOWNS S. (posted on December 11, 2002)
December 10, 2002
I too have noticed a difference and not only with the opposite sex. People
in general smile, speak, and acknowledge your presence. They have started
holding conversations. And then on the other side of it, people I have
known for years stop talking to me or only talk to me when they see me. No
one calls me to go out anymore. I really haven't gotten any attention from
the opposite sex, but people who have not seen me in a while definitely
don't recognize me. Sometime I think its funny, but my daughter who is 9
is starting to get bored with hearing people tell me how good I look and
how different I look. I told her don't be jealous and she just gives me
the 9 year old your crazy look. But I feel your pain and your excitment.
— Chris9672
December 10, 2002
I absolutley notice a difference int heway people treat me since my weight
loss. Strangers hold doors, speak to you in line, are friendly...at almost
300 pounds I was nearly invisible. But the one that ishardest forme to
accet is that me BOSS treats me differently- like now that I am not so fat
my brain works better and my opinion matters now!! Go figure, the ignorance
of some people!
— ~~Stacie~~
December 10, 2002
Oh I forgot to mention the boss is a female!
— ~~Stacie~~
December 10, 2002
Before loosing the weight if I ran into a old girl friend they would say hi
and chat a bit. Now EVERY ONE gives me a big hug, sometimes thats more
affection than i got while dating:( It unnerves me I am just not used to
that sort of thing... People do treat us differently. I must admit though I
was always attracted to big ladies.. Sad so many men dont appreciatre that.
— bob-haller
December 10, 2002
Nancy, I think that this is a great question. I am a pre op but I have
already wondered how I will feel about being treated differently because I
know I will. I have always felt that being MO Makes me less respected as a
person and pretty much invisible. People don't quite look me in the eye and
I know the reason. People can be very ignorant. I also wonder what will
happen with friends and family later too. I can't wait to read other posts
about this. I know the better treatment will feel good but will I feel a
little bitter?
— Carol S.
December 10, 2002
I will be having open RNY in 6 days and the thought of how I was treated by
men at 160lbs. as compared to now at 260lbs is like night and day. I could
probly have a disfigured body and be thin and treated better than I am as
an overweight person. I know I will get attention again after loseing the
weight but I will hold tons of resentment toward others and I will always
carry around a picture of myself at my highest weight and ask if they would
like me if I were this big or if they would be flirting with me. I know the
answer it's the way all overweight people are treated and that like we are
lepers!
— Julie C.
December 10, 2002
Gosh, yes! I have really noticed it, especially when I travel. My job
requires me to travel between Daytona Beach and Atlanta often, and before I
lost 164lbs (!), it was like I was invisible, no help with bags, the awful
looks when people would see that I was sitting next to them on the plane,
etc..Now, I get help with bags, I'm offered places in line for coffee, to
board the plane, and the people that sit next to me on the plane talk to me
like they've known me for years. Men smile and look, and it bothers me
sometimes that this happens, but then I think, if I was a man, would I have
been attracted to me before? Probably not...I find the new attention very
interesting to say the least. I'm still learning how to deal with it,
because I've been heavy my entire adult life. Thanks for asking such a
great question!
— lily1968
December 11, 2002
Treated differently, oh definitely, yes!!! Totally different. But, by
both sexes...women and men. Men look at me differently and treat me much
nicer...and for the most part so do women...however, jealousy is a very
ugly thing. And I get a lot of that from women. Women constantly tell me
that I am "too skinny" (I'm a size 2 now!)...other women become
"clingy" to their man in front of me (like I'm interested in
their Mr. Wonderful...got one of my own, thanks!!) I get called names
behind my back at work...used to be fat @$$, now it's "skinny
(x)itch!"...so in one way, nothing changes and in another way,
everything changes. Just my opinion. Have a Sparkling Day!! ~CAE~
— Mustang
December 11, 2002
I can't believe I'm willing to admit this, but yes, I do notice a
difference and I eat it up! I am not ashamed to admit it, but, I will
flirt with any man that crosses my path. Why? Because I can, and I have
the confidence to now! I love it!
— Chloe S.
December 11, 2002
Oh Nancy! I have noticed so much more attention especially in the last few
weeks but I am extremely suspicious of it. After being fat and invisible
for so many years I am flattered that I am desirable to some people now
however I am always thinking in the back of my head "You would never
have noticed me six months ago"....or "What do you want from
me?" It's just part of the adjustment to our new lives...I am
cautious though because I dont want to sell out on who I really am.
— jesspep
December 11, 2002
I have definitly noticed more attention from people,it's like the one of
the other posters said, people see me now,i am not invisible any
longer.post-op 02-27-02 staing weight 270 pounds weight now 117 pounds
,also post-op 12-02-02 abdominoplsty/mammoplasty life is great !!
— bikerchic
December 11, 2002
I know it is true that we obese individuals do get treated very different
from our thin brothers and sister, and I certainly have experienced my
share of dirty looks and invisibility. That said, I must also agree with
Sheila. I've definitely noticed that as my self-esteem has risen and I
have become more cheerful, smiling more, and in general feeling better
about being noticed, I have received more attention as I go through my day.
It is true that if we smile and put out an air of confidence about
ourselves, others (not all, but certainly a large number) will find us more
attractive and approachable. Who wants to initiate a conversation with
someone who is gloomy or depressed? I know I don't. So, while there is
definitely fat prejudice, we also have some control over how much and what
kind of attention we get. Thin, depressed and unsmiling people are every
bit as invisible as obese, depressed and unsmiling people. We just have
more judgements from others than do those who are thin.
— rebalspirit
December 11, 2002
I forgot to say, I'm still pre-op. Toodles, Robin
— rebalspirit
December 11, 2002
I have experienced this with men, more recently although I have been at the
same weight for about 9 months now. It totally freaks me out! I have no
idea what to do! There is a guy that works at the bank I use that set up
some accounts for me. He saw me in line the other day and started kind of
flirting with me and I was literally terrified. I know that is stupid, but
really my knees were knocking. I would have loved to flirt back but all I
could do was say dumb things. :P<p>At work I have noticed almost the
opposite reaction from most people. When I was big, everyone was so
surprised at how smart I was and how well I did my job. Now that I am
thinner, I am EXPECTED to be smart and on top of things. It's kind of
weird. I got more attention for my job performance when I was fat. Maybe
they expected me to be stupid and lazy???
— ctyst
December 11, 2002
I'm still pre-op and this is one of my most important emotional concerns
(thanks for posting). I consider myself a happy, good natured, pretty
person but I cringe when I think about what will happen after the surgery.
And I honestly get upset to think that the men that I have known all this
time would start giving me attention and flirting with me. And I already
have it in my mind that the people who never payed me so much as 1
compliment better just keepin on walkin' when I'm down 200 pounds. I don't
think people see through me, maybe because I'm in the south people tend to
be more friendly, opening doors and offering help. I just know that
post-op when someone is checking me out from head to head it's going to be
a GOOD thing. Vesta
— vesta D.
December 11, 2002
I think WE are more confident now that we have lost weight. Instead of
avoiding everyones eyes, we MAKE eye contact and perhaps we strike up
conversations more,we feel SEXIER and that shows in how you carry yourself!
People DO absolutely treat you better when you are thin but I think alot of
it has to do with our own new found confidence! Congrats to all of you
losers!! I love you all and this place is a lifeline for me! Peace,
— Stacy C.
December 11, 2002
Sadly, it is true that overweight people are judged and treated differently
from normal weighted people. We either become non-entities (invisible is
the word many use), or subjected to "the looks"
(disgusted/objects of jokes). Now that I am no longer considered
obese/overweight, I find myself being overly sympathetic to those who are
morbidly obese, and going out of my way to make eye contact and say a kind
word to them on an elevator, in the grocery store line, at work. We are
treated differently when we are normal weighted. Is it because we show
self-confidence? I don't think that has alot to do with it. I think it is
part of human nature, along with the onslaught of media (magazines/tv) we
face every day that has programmed people to like pretty faces, nice
bodies, and look away from fat, because the message we get is fat is bad
and ugly. Look at how people describe other people, "oh, you mean the
fat girl in the corner", and not, "the blond in the red sweater
in the corner". Even comedians think it is fair game to make fat
jokes, and the audience laughs. Its not funny, its cruel. For those who
have been overweight their entire lives before this surgery, I think they
should have professional counseling before the surgery in how to cope with
the attention they will receive after they lose weight. For some, it can
be overwhelming and lead to lots of resentment towards those who wouldn't
give them the time of day pre-op. Good question for discussion.
— Cindy R.
December 11, 2002
I have to agree with what Sheila said because I am proof of that. I am
still pre-op, but I have never had any kind of complex nor have I ever felt
invisible. When I read all of these posts, I feel very lucky and also
quite sad. It wasn't until I started reading these different website that
I realized how poorly obese people get treated. I have never experienced
this. I'm not sure why, othere than the fact that I have always been very
friendly and outgoing and I always make eye contact and smile at strangers.
Will I notice a difference when I lose weight? Possibly, but I can't
imagine it being much of a difference. People treat me great. Men hold
doors for me and strike up conversation in elevators, as do women. I have
not been discriminated at my job, either. But, I have always been a very
happy person (or at least, not shown any sadness to others). Don't get me
wrong, I hate being fat and can't wait until I can feel healthier and look
better, but I just can't imagine that I will notice a difference in how I
am treated. Am I the exception?
— Kathy S.
December 11, 2002
Hi Nancy:
I am only 3 months out and not at goal, but I can totally relate to what
you are asking. Since I am 49 years old, I have been on so many diets
preop, that I have been thin at various periods of my life. During those
thin periods, I cannot believe the attention I get from men and women.
Yes, those same men who whistle and want to do everything for me at 140
pounds, would not even look my way at 230 pounds. If they did, it would be
a look of disgust. At a thin weight, women have both given me the eye and
the evil eye. Being looked at like a piece of garbage, is just another
form of discrimination that overweight people have to endure. Sad but
true. Hope this helps.
Love Grace
— Grace H.
December 11, 2002
Should we be treated differently now that we are smaller? NO...will be be
treated differently, ABSOLUTELY. I notice it every day...even from my
family and friends. I notice it when I go and get my coffee @ dunkin
donuts every morning. They never ask if I want a donut with my
coffee...yet, when I was heavier...that was a daily question. Men open
doors...waiters at resturants aren't surprised when I take home left
overs...etc etc.
— Ilene M.
December 11, 2002
Yes I am treated differently by people now, but I am also a different
person than I was 11 months ago. I am so much more happier and out going
now, and that attracts people to you. I am no longer the wall flower. I
love life.
— domestic G.
December 11, 2002
Heck yeah I get treated differently already and I still have another 100 to
go..I notice men looking at me more..funny they didn't do that before.
Even when I am driving in my car, they are looking at me. People freak out
when they see me, it's funny b/c I look different every few weeks...so
friends are shocked and then there are those who haven't seen me since
before my surgery on July 15..they are just shocked!
— Trish R.
December 12, 2002
YES, I am most definitely treated differently. 106 pounds ago I was either
treated negatively (though politely) or like I was a neuter (neither male
nor female). Now I'm definitely treated as female, both by men and women.
Other women talk to me about weight and exercise and clothes. Men open
doors for me and smile and touch more. I think it's all unconscious on
their part. I think they are just more comfortable around me. I truly
feel that most Americans are terrified by excess weight! When we walk
around morbidly obese, we represent their worst fears. When we are
thinner, others are more comfortable around us. And, of course, I'm nicer
and more outgoing too, when I'm treated nicer. I thought I would resent
the change more than I actually do. Now I just see it as people's human
frailty.
— Kathy J.
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