Question:
What do I tell my inlaws? Please Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mother and father in law are very old fashioned, and I don't know how they will react to me having WLS, so i thought about not telling them, one of the problems is that they live right across the block, and i have an 8 year old daughter that goes over there to visit quite often, and i'm sure she'll tell them that mommy is in the hospital..... Plus, they don't think too highly of me anyway because of all my health problems, they think for some reason it's all made up, and I'm just Lazy, and a bad mother and wife, I really don't know what to do in this situation, i'm not ashamed of having the surgery, but they have kiniptions when i have to go to the Neurologist once or twice a month. Please help!!!!!!!!!! — Mandee H. (posted on July 15, 2002)
July 15, 2002
Hi Mandee, I wouldn't worry about telling them at all. My
ex-mother-in-law didn't think too much of me either - only because if she
gave me any stuff, I gave it right back. Not in a nasty way, though. She
finally backed down and started minding her own business. This is your
life and your decision. I'm sure you thought long and hard about this
surgery and making this decision was difficult. After all, it is YOUR
life. You made your choice so that you would be able to enjoy YOUR family
for years to come. I don't know your personality, but I'm an extremely
independant person. If it were me, I would just flat out tell them. If
they didn't like it, too bad. I know that sounds harsh, but you don't need
to spend time worrying about how they are going to react to your decision.
From the sounds of it, you don't have anything to lose. I would also look
to my husband for strength and support. Best of luck to you. Please feel
free to email me if you like.
— Kathy M.
July 15, 2002
When I first decided to have this surgery, I didnt want to tell anyone
either. I told all of my family except my husband of course, that I was
having a hiatal hernia repaired. After a while, I made up my mind that
this was my decision and I was not ashamed of it. So I then told everyone
the truth. Im lucky that I have good in-laws. But I sure feel for you, I
would have been afraid to tell my ex-in-laws, they never really liked me.
Anyway, if it will ease the tension, tell them you are having a hernia
surgery or surgery on your esophagus, all of which COULD have weight loss
as a side effect. But think about the fact that this is your decision and
who really cares what they think about that. My parents are pretty old
fashioned and I lied to them at first, but when I told the truth, they were
so much more supportive than I ever thought they would be. They could see
how miserable I was, and that this was a step to improve my life. Good
luck to you!!!
— Cory F.
July 15, 2002
HI Mandee,
I did'nt tell anyone except my husband and sister. My mother-in -law even
lived with us. I'm not sure when I was going to tell her, maybe the day of
surgery, except she took a five week vacation, she left the Fri. before my
surgery(it was on Mon.) When she came back I had already lost 39 pounds.
Does your daughter know what kind of surgery you are having? or she just
know your going to the hospital? My oldest was 8 when I had surgery but he
was'nt sure for what, I explained it afterwards. Maybe they will think its
just one of your health problems. Best of luck to you
hope things go well!! Take Care Tish
— Tisha W.
July 15, 2002
I am a very private person. I only told my husband, sister, and 12 yr.old
son. My mother, and mother in law are wonderful, but I knew if I told them
they'd say " oh you're not THAT big, just eat carrots and run 10 miles
a day and the weight wll come off, no need for drastic measures!"
So... I told them I was having my gall bladder
removed ( which my dr. did at the same time I had WLS) They
bought it!!!! They even came to see me in the hospital. I lost 20 lbs. in 1
1/2 months, So I told them I wanted to be
healthier so I was going to do the "Atkins" diet. 7 months
later they think I'm doing sooo good on the Atkins diet! And
in reality, My diet is a modified Atkins diet. high protien low carbs. So
i guess I sorta told half truths but it worked for me and I did'nt have to
hear "their opinions"
which would of caused some unpleaseantness i think. Good Luck. You can
almost make up any kind of surgery you'll be having, and then be on a
"diet to be heathly"
— Cindee A.
July 15, 2002
Mandee, I am 7mo. post-op RNY and I also have in-laws (we don't get along
either). I didn't tell them until right before surgery and did not discuss
it with them or come around to hear any questions/comments. I have now lost
95lbs and am 40 lbs from goal. What does my mother-in-law have to say about
it? NOTHING, absolutely nothing. She is apparently blind but that is okay
with me because everyone else has noticed and they are very kind and
supportive. I have about figured out that she is selfish and jealous. If
someone can't be positive about what you are doing for your health and
happiness just don't give them a platform to speak. I have so much
confidence and health, and vitality now. My mother-in-law is the last thing
I worry about these days...I am too busy living for once! Best of luck.
— Aimee P.
July 15, 2002
Hi Mandee,
I want to tell you have made a courageous decesion for your health and
happiness and if they can not except that then it is too bad for them. I
have an ex mother in law that would not have approved of my surgery either
but luckily I did not have to tell her. It was my mother I was worried
about since he had originally talked me out of this a year before I decided
I was doing it for me and I did not care what ANYONE thought. Now I am so
proud of my weight loss I tell EVERYONE I meet. I even find myself telling
strangers that are overweight in hopes of letting them know there are
options and help. So my suggestion is to tell her about 15 minutes before
you leave for the hospital and end it with I am sure you do not approve but
I am doing this for me. Then leave and relax becuase you are beggining your
new HEALTHIER,& HAPPIER LIFE! But do tell her the truth because if she
dissapproves of it and there is tension now there will only be alot more
tension after the surgery . Good Luck and GOD BLESS you we all SUPPORT you
on this decesion.
— swtnsxy0219
July 15, 2002
Tell them. If they find out latter they will have dishonsety to add to
thier list of things that make you a bad person. But remember ANYTHING that
you do would add to that list. You are doing something that will improve
your health and let you do more things with your kid. Good Luck
— Robert L.
July 16, 2002
All I can say is think long and hard about this because I chose to tell my
mother in law and she took it upon herself to let my husband's entire
family know. Some of them I haven't even met but they are calling me and
asking questions about it.
— Heather ..
July 16, 2002
Everyone reacts differently to hearing about my surgery- usually the
opposite of what I think will happen. My best friend really never says
ANYTHING about it, and my in-laws are in my face about it. I told my father
in law, confidentially, and now everyone knows. I AM NEVER ASHAMED THOUGH!
But it is very personal, and you should tell what you want to whomever you
want. Sometimes I feel myself telling people too much, and think,
"What health-stuff do they tell me?" and the answer is usually
"very little". Good luck to you! (Of course, if you don't tell
them in advance, and they ask where the weight went and how, tell them
aliens took it. That is now my new answer for nosy people!)
— kultgirl
July 17, 2002
Congratulations on your decision to take charge of your health. Tell them
that you love their son and their grandchild! Tell them that you're doing
this so that you can all be together for a long time, enjoying life and
living a healthy lifestyle. How can they dispute that?
If the have opinions about every detail of your life, maybe they know more
than they need to. (???)
Good luck!
Diane Norcross
http://www.WeightlossSurgery.ws
— DianeN
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