Question:
I couldn't go through with it. I had my appointment for the 9th of jan..yesterday.
scheduled my time off work for 8 weeks thru human resources department was supposed to show up at the surgery department and changed my mind. after much thought i decided this was not the time for me. should i be ashamed of myself, because right now i don't fell too good about changing my mind. what should i tell my employer, that the surgery was canceled? — Annie H. (posted on January 10, 2002)
January 9, 2002
I understand chickening out too. Imagine...laying naked under bright
lights while a complete stranger guts you like a fish and screws up your
capacity to overeat for the rest of your life. Not a decision to be taken
lightly. You don't post how overweight you are on your profile. I too
dismissed the notion of surgery when I was under 400 pounds. It was only
when I hit over 500, couldn't hardly walk or breath, and had no access to
about 85% of life activities, that I was willing to "let my body be
mutilated". I couldn't see the irony of the statement at the time.
Good Luck to you.
— merri B.
January 9, 2002
Just to let you know, if you're not ready to do this, cancelling was the
best thing you could do. IMHO (in my humble opinion), you absolutely MUST
be ready to commit to the post-op program for the Rest Of Your Life BEFORE
you do this surgery. It is absolutely life-changing on so many levels!
Also, IMHO, you have to choose what is right for YOU, not for me, not for
anyone else. Postponing (or cancelling) is not bad in and of itself. No
matter what you choose to do, hold your head high, and .... keep smilin'.
Margie B
— Marjorie B.
January 9, 2002
Don't beat yourself up over this! I am a firm believer that we must all -
always - follow our instincts. Whenever I've ignored them, I've lived to
regret it. For whatever reason, your instincts told you to stop, and you
did the right thing. Maybe you'll see things differently down the road,
maybe you won't. If you're meant to have this surgery, then your instincts
will tell you when the time is right. Good luck, and God's blessings -
— scottiemaam O.
January 9, 2002
Annie, I understand perfectly your hesitation. I am waiting for a surgery
date and every day I have hesitations. I am deathly afraid of
complications, death, PAIN! I wonder what mindset I will have on that
surgery date and I pray every day for God to give me the strength and
courage to follow through with this because of my failing health. I know I
cant diet alone, I have had too many failed attempts. I am diabetic on
insulin and not managing that very well at all. I keep gaining weight
because of the insulin. I have blindness, loss of limb and failed kidneys
to look forward to if I dont have this surgery. I have to keep reminding
myself of these things or the urge to back out of surgery hits me really
hard. Still it is a personal decision. Only you can no if your decision
to not have the surgery was appropriate. Dont beat yourself up about it,
but do take the time to really analyze your decision and see if it was the
right one taking all your health concerns into consideration. Remember you
can always go back and have the surgery. Once you do have it you are
committed to a change for the rest of your life. Good luck to you.
— SARose61
January 9, 2002
I understand your feelings! I too cancelled my surgery on the day I was too
have it. That was 2 years ago. I am now ready to make this change and am
going ahead with insurance approval and doctor visits. Don't beat yourself
up because you did the right thing. When and if you are ready to make this
choice you will. Please email me if you would like to talk.
— [Deactivated Member]
January 10, 2002
There is absolutely no shame in cancelling your surgery,
<b>especially</b> if you feel you are not ready for it. I am
pre-op, and go through these same feelings mentally on an almost daily
basis. The thought will pop into my head "this is not for you",
and then two minutes later I know it is the right thing. This is very
frustrating. And my mom who was formerly very supportive about the surgery
is now peppering our phone calls with "can you try Duke University's
program", "you're not THAT big, you know", etc. I think my
cousin who is a nurse practitioner (and who literally went to bed for six
months on liquid feedings and lost like 100 lbs) is saying stuff like the
surgery is too dangerous, etc. My darling mum is 86 years old, but very
"with it" mentally and I think she's just starting to worry about
how things will go. But I digress...I think you should just let your
employer know that the surgery has been postponed indefinitely and thank
them profusely for making the arrangements, etc. for you. I have Kaiser
insurance and although they take forever to approve you, give you a consult
date and surgery date, one good thing is it really gives you time to think!
This is just my opinion (and please don't flame me), but I think in many
cases people are not getting enough education about the seriousness of this
surgery nor enough time to go to support groups and really figure out if
this is the right thing for them. Hugs, Joy
— [Deactivated Member]
January 10, 2002
I almost reconsiderd my choice when I was on the pre-op table at the
hospital, my doctor told me if I felt that I couldn't go through with it,
that it was just not the right time for me. I thought about this and
decided that i was just nervous and I made the decision to go ahead, but I
don't think that anyone would think that you were stupid and I don't think
that you should be ashamed either. If the decision you made is the right
one for you then you made the best choice. Good Luck.
— Arlene V.
January 11, 2002
Annie, you were wise to follow your instincts. This is a major surgery and
you will have major lifestyle changes that go with it. Keep on researching
WLS, ask questions, take you time and be sure it is what you want. Just
tell your employer, boss, and human resources that your surgery has been
postponed for the time being. That's really all they need to know. It is
much easier to "break an engagement" than to get married and have
to go through a divorce. :)
— esthjb
February 9, 2002
Annie, I also am pre-op and know what you have been through. Please keep
researching and talking to others until you ae comfortable and ready. As
for anyone asking why , just smile sweetly ,look them right in the eye and
ask "Why do you want to know?" Be happy and stay strong!
— Michael J.
February 9, 2002
Annie, aren't we lucky to have such a wonderful, caring, community. I've
never read so many warm, wonderful, heartfelt reassurances. Please don't
beat yourself up, I echo everyone else's sentiments. I remember at my
pre-op appt. the day before surgery, the nurse gave us number to call if we
should decide against it in the next 12 hours. She made it seem like it
happens all the time. This is a major life-style change, I think it is
incredibly brave of you to admit you're not ready.
— Danielle M.
March 30, 2002
I just found your question and I know that this is probably old news for
you now, but I wanted to answer you anyway. I'm still pre-op and I hover
daily between excitement and fear. I don't have a date and I don't know
how I will be feeling once I do have one and it's closing in on me. But, I
believe it takes just as much courage to admit you're not ready as it does
to admit you are. Probably more since you were already scheduled. It's a
life and death decision and not one to take lightly. If you didn't feel
that it was time for you to take this step, then it wasn't time. When the
right time comes you'll know it. Til then good luck and God bless.
— Wendy C.
July 25, 2002
I have a date but I will tell you this. The day I got my date I thought I
was going to pass out and I thought to myself what have I done. But on the
up swing the more I thought about and talked to more people and the help of
this website, I have overcome that fear. I am nervous but I feel the time
is right. But if you don't feel comfortable with it, don't do it. You'll
know when the time is right. I'm sure your employer will understand and
probably be happy that you don't need the time off. Good luck.
— Lora T.
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