Question:
Who am I?
Last night we went shopping, to get Jen some exercise and me some clothes. When I look at myself in the mirror its so wierd, because its not me. I feel I have lost my identity. I always refered to myself as the BIG goofy guy. I have trouble explaining this but its just.... Glad the weight is gone, do others eventually adjust? I feel disconnected.... — bob-haller (posted on December 16, 2001)
December 16, 2001
Hi Bob!! I haven't had surgery yet but if you don't mind, I'd like to put
my two cents in. I see you as a very helpful and well informed individual.
I read the Q & A board every day and I notice that you have a lot of
valuable information to offer to others. You are always willing to help by
asking questions at your support meetings and then giving the answers to
those who need them. I personally hold you in high regard. Just because you
are not "big" anymore, doesn't mean that you don't have a
personality or identity. I see how supportive you are of your wife, and
that is really great as well. Although I have never met you, I think that
you are a pretty terrific guy! Hope this helps!!
— Vanessa L.
December 16, 2001
I agree with the last post-I always see you answering the questions posted
here,and you are always alot of help,and kind. I haven't had my surgery
yet,either,and I'm sure it is hard to get over being the "big
guy". But in your case, just think of yourself as the "nice
guy". Good Luck and God Bless----Gary B
— gary B.
December 16, 2001
Thanks fore all the kind words. I post here to give something back for ALL
the support I got pre op. I guess this wierd feeling will leave eventually,
but for now its strange looking in the mirror. Jen says she sees the same
goofball as always but I am confused as to who is me. I have read about
this happening to others but truly didnt understand how profound the
feeling is. For others who have gone thru this how long till you adjust??
— bob-haller
December 16, 2001
Hi Bob, I had a DS 3 weeks ago. 5 years ago when I was on Phen-Fen I lost
almost 80# and I felt weird. Good weird, but still I did not appear to be
the person I knew as me. As I started to regain 9 months later, I became
comfortable with my identity again, for a time and then the scales
"tipped" in the other direction. I am expecting those same
identity crisis issues to crop back up again in a few months. So far this
25# loss has made very little difference in my appearance. I am used to
being the soft, fluffy mom. It does take some getting used to desn't it?
— Alicia V.
December 16, 2001
bob i dont know u personally but i do know that u r a warm & loving
husband, a warm & loving human being full of useful information &
suggestions, non-judgemental, funny at times, serious when necessary &
generally concerned for everyones well being. so...u r still the same
person u always were...u just look different. thanks for being u.
— sheryl titone
December 16, 2001
Bob, as far as being the big goofy guy, well, you are still him. There is
no different person in there only that people see a different
"physical" being. You'll eventually get used to the person you
see in the mirror (it took me about 2 years to be really comfortable and
recognize me) but, I think that somehow we always remember ourselves as
large and somewhere in there, there is still a large person in our heads.
Maybe I am wrong but I dont' think that that is a bad thing actually. It
keeps me grounded and allows me to feel and understand people with
disabilities more than if I was always thin. I sincerely think that I am a
better person now, although not as healthy. I have learned alot from this
surgery about myself as you will. Give it time Bob, you just sound like
such a wonderful warm loving person...that will never leave you.
— Barbara H.
December 16, 2001
Bob~ You rock my world! I have been coming to the boards now for about a
year, and my surgery was a week ago Monday (December 10), which I think was
Jen's surgery date too? I love how willing you are to share the good, bad
and ugly with us. Since I've been home, I've been searching the archives
and have found so many answers to my questions! You've been there in many
of them. <p>To reply to your question, I lost 120 lbs. pre~op, and
OH YEAH, it's REALLY hard to adjust to the "new you!" I STILL
look back at pictures taken when I was 180 lbs. down (had gained 60 back
and stabilized for several years), and say, "Whoa, I was REALLY
thin!" But let me tell ya...I couldn't see it THEN, at the time!
<p>I had friendships fall by the wayside due to my previous weight
loss, and my friends are again feeling "weird" about my weight
loss...many are heavy and one said to me yesterday (joking?!?!?),
"Will you still be friends with us when you're skinny?" DUH.
But that's a very real question for them...and they've admitted to
jealously before. It's a tough transition not only within ONESELF, but
also for family and friends, at times! <p>You ARE the same person,
just HAPPIER and HEALTHIER! Celebrate you...and yes, eventually you will
feel a re~gained sense of who you are...your identity isn't gone, it's just
hiding for the time being! <p>Hope Jen is doing well!
— Cristie L.
December 16, 2001
Bob, you hit the nail on the head with this concern. This is something I'm
currently experiencing as well. It's surreal, right? I've always been the
big black girl with the big personality to match. I could say whatever I
wanted to because no one would ACTUALLY take me seriously. These days (and
-115 lbs later) I'm finding my rather raunchy sense of humor being more
easily misconstrued and an increased flirtation level on the part of men
that I've known for years. (This despite the fact that they know I'm
happily married.) You said you had trouble explaining how you feel, but
trust me, we understand. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you
aren't alone and that we'll get through this together, all of us. Great
big hugs!
— 5yrsout
December 17, 2001
That is exactly how I feel. It is hard for me to associate the person in
the mirror with the person I feel inside. I see the person in the mirror
but that is so not how I feel. I know the guy that I am seeing thinks that
I am stuck on myself because everytime I go there when I get ready to leave
I end up checking the mirror about 20 times. He keeps telling me that I
look fine but it is too hard to explain that I am not checking how I look
but that I am checking to see if I feel like I look yet. I really am
thinking about going to see a therapist.
— Tracy C.
December 17, 2001
Wow...I can really feel this question. I have lost about 76 pounds and
still have a ways to go but I've had a couple of "out of body"
experiences so to speak. Once I was driving and I looked down and was like
- "whose legs are those?" and just yesterday I was writing
something down and caught a glimpse of my hand and my fingers don't look
like sausages anymore. My husband walked in and saw me looking at my hand
all wierd and asked if I was okay! Being overweight has been A PART OF ME
since I was 13. I can't picture being totally thin even now but as I lose
the weight, I too wonder about what it is that makes me - me.
— [Deactivated Member]
December 24, 2001
Hi Bob!! I know exactly where you are coming from, I had my surgery sept of
2000 started at 556 lbs. This month I am now down to 249 and I don\'t know
the person in the mirror. Its 2 completely different people and it scares
me. I can\'t seem to accept the \'thinner\' me, granted 249 isn\'t little
but when you compare it to 556 yup it is. I hope someday I can accept the
changes in my physical appearance, but right now I am still in denial and
shock!!
— Dawn H.
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